MY LIFE,POEMS AND LIVING
June 15, 2008 § 13 Comments
I am feeling extremely stupid right now.If you are wondering why,it is because i don’t why i feel stupid.No i know it doesn’t make sense,but what am i doing anyway? Living ,might be an answer.But what is the big deal about living? i am Living,alright,so why should i bother about it? What is life anyway?This is what wiki says
“Life is a condition that distinguishes organisms from non-living objects, such as non-life, and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism and reproduction”. Wow,so basically i too am a machine,programmed by something else.No i cannot accept this.Why should be what someone else wants me to be?I am an plagiarist then,writing what someone else has already done,including this.
I am still awe of the world.I just cannot stop being overwhelmed by how huge it is.I want to go out of earth and see it,Pictures aren’t enough.I want to see it with my own eyes.It is not that i don’t believe that earth exists and that it is as the pictures show it,but i want to see it for real.Having lived all my life inside something,i want to go higher.Yet can i ever become bigger than life? i hate being a hypocrite,so i will tell the truth,i still don’t know much about the world.Yes,i write a lot about the world,but i do not know from where it all comes.I feel very uncomfortable calling myself a poet,for i am a tool,yes a mere tool of something that has created me.I badly want to know the real me.What am i really like? What is it that makes a lot of people not like me?
Is it that a tool,is a mere tool and that a few see the beauty and a few the use of it? What is beauty anyway? Starting every sentence with capitals,drawing the eye at the last? Starting from a lower pitch? Who can define beauty? Wiki says ” Beauty is a characteristic of a person, place, object or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology and culture. As a cultural creation, beauty has been extremely commercialized.”
There are times i hate what i write.Yet if i hadn’t started writing,i doubt if i will be living.Writing has meant more for me.It doesn’t matter,that when i write i am not in control of myself,nothing matters to me,especially when i am writing something long.It is when i write that i feel a perennial peace within me.It is when i write,that i feel some purpose for my living.It is when i write,that
the world i live in seems real.Otherwise nothing seems real to me.I still feel like a five year old about my world.I am more matured in accepting a few things and not reacting to insults.
Blogging means a lot to me.As i said before,if not for writing i don’t know what i will be.And i have been to share my feelings ,here openly.I have met a lot of great people.I have met people,who have given me the courage to do things my way.though i still find it difficult to come in terms with life and humans as such,i am able to appreciate,people for what they are.
I have written about 175 poems till now.Each one is different and same in a lot of ways.i do not know,how good a writer i am.I cannot judge,something which comes to the world through me,i have to accept it ,for whatever it is.But i think i am not that good a writer,for i have tried to get my poems published,but all my applications have been turned down.But that doesn’t matter,for if not today,someday.Might be after i die,it might get recogonised.
I should thank the whole world,for its contribution,in helping me realize,what is inside me.i still remember,sitting in class,feeling depressed,in a corner.And then suddenly it came to me,from where i do not know.I wrote my first major poem- MOTHER INDIA.After that came THE SEA.These poems,till today are my favorite.They were my eye opener,in lot of ways.They took away the feeling of uselessness from me.i no more felt like i was useless.They gave me a confidence.And till today that is what keeps me going.
I thank you all,you are all the forces which still teach me.You all are the people who help me keep going.I thank all of you.
Nobody shud judge anyone V and what qualities people have come from within. So be happy the way you think and write coz everybody is unique in their own way.
When people read here, why bother about poems not published u know. Human brain can look same, but mind varies and so do poems. Keep writing but ther is always a rush like tides and take it slow coz sometimes beauty lies in it.
.What am i really like? What is it that makes a lot of people not like me?
– We can never know a answer for this coz we keep changing outside but insdie we r the same which only we being the self takes time to understand.
Who cares if people don’t like you or me or anybody. Its like food choice V and people like varieties and they move on. Stick to people who like you and live your life.
For some of us, your sum total is your expression. To us you are what you write. We experience who you are through your reflections, your poems, the eye of your camera, & your art.
Your youth, your enthusiasm, your serious questions, your uniqueness, it’s all there.
Don’t stop writing. 🙂
You know how when we look in the mirror, it looks like us but isn’t? People reflect constantly and sometimes they don’t like to see, sometimes they wish they were the reflection staring back at them, sometimes it is them. Some people will love us and some will not be able to stand us, each of us affects the other, positive and negative.
As for your poems, they are really well written, perhaps you should try online poem competitions or http://www.writing.com/ they are a good forum to get started with, you will get feed back from other authors and poets and build up a repertoire of the right kind of contacts.
As for who you are, don’t forget to have fun, keep doing what you’re doing and being who you are, you have a purpose.
A lovely post Vishesh. As I read it I remembered myself when I was your age. I used to write poem after poem after poem and though I stopped writing poems when I reached my mid-twenties (yeah I did it till then!) those poems helped me pour out my feelings. I still have those poems..two think volumes full of poetry, which no one has ever read except me! Because in those days there was no internet.
When I was 14-15 I went through a similar phase that you are going through (I thought of questions like why are we here, the meaning of life etc) and I can understand exactly what you feel.
A very nice post Vishesh. It encompasses all the questions a human mind can think of… They are countless I know… but u have managed quite a few 🙂 All of us go through this stage when you want answers for everything… for every good that happens to you and for every bad thing that happens too… sometimes you feel clogged by too many questions and too little answers!!
And writing poems is one great way of keeping a track of your life… If you read poems written by one author, you can make out all that he was going through then. M sure u love reading those poems now… Must make u so nostalgic 🙂
Anyways hope u find at least some answers soon enough 🙂 and live life the way you want to!
@pria: what you say is true…change is but a constant na..but still it is tough sometimes…
@handmaiden: lol,it is funny isn’t it,that i become what i do…everyone becomes what they do….but very few remember the person…:D
@nita: why don’t you put them up nita,lol i am curious,i want to read them 🙂
@nova: lol,i too hope i will find the answers…i want the answers……………:D
In search of answers the human mind think, is what we enjoy today and we seek more it comes, but still there are some questions without answers those are just to understand through knowledge and no evidence provided.
I had the bow what I feel and without the point to aim arrow. After coming to bogging I came to know how to use the bow with arrow as my poem throwing making visible the world.
This is perhaps the first prose of yours i’m reading! 🙂
Here’s a little something from me, hoping to clear your doubts and insecurities:
(something I’d written a long time ago, which is a story in my book… hope this helps!) 🙂
What people don’t realize is that life’s not self-centric. I’ll explain what this means. I’ve always wondered what goes on in my class without me – is it really possible that I’m just another name on the roll call who doesn’t answer if I’m not there, and the class goes on as usual? Sometimes I think this is just not possible – it’s not…happening. I’m not there to experience it, so it shouldn’t happen. I’m sure you might have felt the same and had similar experiences and thoughts. Of course, then I walk into the class the next day to see the blackboard filled with the previous day’s lesson – the lesson I missed; the lesson that wasn’t supposed to happen…
I look up at the sky – the vast open, blue blanket and the truth hits me like a bullet in the chest – I’m not a boulder; I’m just a small insignificant grain of sand on a beach, who could easily be washed away, blown off, stepped on, eroded or just wither away…
We are, after all, just another colony of organisms growing on this nutrient media called Earth. And we’ve got here purely by accident. We’re not special in any way – there is no one watching over us. I’m capable of thinking like this and you’re capable of reading this, thinking your own way, making assumptions and observations because of the one attribute we have – consciousness or self-awareness. We can think beyond ourselves because of this power; we plan ahead; we recollect incidents with the same emotion; we take decisions for others…yet we cannot do one simple thing.
We cannot possibly fathom what goes on in our absence.
When a person dies, his relatives and family mourn his death, celebrate his life, sing requiems, present eulogies, hang up his photograph on the wall and do a lot of other things. But for the person, who has died, the moment he stopped breathing, the moment his heart said, “Goodbye!” that was it – that was the end of all things; he couldn’t feel see, hear, think, recall, understand, cry, move, nothing. It’s just total numbing blackness, which he can’t experience. He can’t possibly fathom what will happen after that fateful moment. Time means nothing to him…
Have you ever missed a class due to an illness? I’m sure you have. What happens in a class without you? Is it possible that everything is normal? Are you just a name on the register? What do you friends and family do in your absence? Do they behave differently? Do they even exist? Or are they just a figment of your imagination…?
Did I dream my whole life? Will I wake up tomorrow to find myself in the crib, staring up at my proud parents, making gaa-gaa-goo-goo sounds? Or will I wake up tomorrow to find myself in a coffin, after a really “detached” sleep that was mistaken for death?
We are nothing. We are comparable to the bacterial colony on the petridish. It’s only a matter of time that someone just washes us off to pour a fresh innoculum. We are so afraid all the time; we are so insecure that we need someone called “God” to watch over us, protect us, hear our prayers and bless us. People say I’m mad; I’m not. I’m just a realist. I know what I am. I know who I am. I know what I’m worth.
Are we still dreaming babies…?
Is life self-centered…?
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Is life self-centered- Our life revolves around every one and unconsciously we become self centered in the meaning of not being alone.
We cannot possibly fathom what goes on in our absence
Everything goes on and people move on no matter in our absence.When a tree gets destroyed u plant a new one or it grows somewhere. We too are born somewhere in this world different from what we were.
Nobody will miss anybody in anyones absence coz we cherish the memories who knew us and live with it.
i hate you damn poem it blows a big one
please view my blog too…i have penned a few poems…
your comments, criticism, suggestions will definitely help me improve…..