MY LIFE,POEMS AND LIVING
June 15, 2008 § 13 Comments
I am feeling extremely stupid right now.If you are wondering why,it is because i don’t why i feel stupid.No i know it doesn’t make sense,but what am i doing anyway? Living ,might be an answer.But what is the big deal about living? i am Living,alright,so why should i bother about it? What is life anyway?This is what wiki says
“Life is a condition that distinguishes organisms from non-living objects, such as non-life, and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism and reproduction”. Wow,so basically i too am a machine,programmed by something else.No i cannot accept this.Why should be what someone else wants me to be?I am an plagiarist then,writing what someone else has already done,including this.
I am still awe of the world.I just cannot stop being overwhelmed by how huge it is.I want to go out of earth and see it,Pictures aren’t enough.I want to see it with my own eyes.It is not that i don’t believe that earth exists and that it is as the pictures show it,but i want to see it for real.Having lived all my life inside something,i want to go higher.Yet can i ever become bigger than life? i hate being a hypocrite,so i will tell the truth,i still don’t know much about the world.Yes,i write a lot about the world,but i do not know from where it all comes.I feel very uncomfortable calling myself a poet,for i am a tool,yes a mere tool of something that has created me.I badly want to know the real me.What am i really like? What is it that makes a lot of people not like me?
Is it that a tool,is a mere tool and that a few see the beauty and a few the use of it? What is beauty anyway? Starting every sentence with capitals,drawing the eye at the last? Starting from a lower pitch? Who can define beauty? Wiki says ” Beauty is a characteristic of a person, place, object or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology and culture. As a cultural creation, beauty has been extremely commercialized.”
There are times i hate what i write.Yet if i hadn’t started writing,i doubt if i will be living.Writing has meant more for me.It doesn’t matter,that when i write i am not in control of myself,nothing matters to me,especially when i am writing something long.It is when i write that i feel a perennial peace within me.It is when i write,that i feel some purpose for my living.It is when i write,that
the world i live in seems real.Otherwise nothing seems real to me.I still feel like a five year old about my world.I am more matured in accepting a few things and not reacting to insults.
Blogging means a lot to me.As i said before,if not for writing i don’t know what i will be.And i have been to share my feelings ,here openly.I have met a lot of great people.I have met people,who have given me the courage to do things my way.though i still find it difficult to come in terms with life and humans as such,i am able to appreciate,people for what they are.
I have written about 175 poems till now.Each one is different and same in a lot of ways.i do not know,how good a writer i am.I cannot judge,something which comes to the world through me,i have to accept it ,for whatever it is.But i think i am not that good a writer,for i have tried to get my poems published,but all my applications have been turned down.But that doesn’t matter,for if not today,someday.Might be after i die,it might get recogonised.
I should thank the whole world,for its contribution,in helping me realize,what is inside me.i still remember,sitting in class,feeling depressed,in a corner.And then suddenly it came to me,from where i do not know.I wrote my first major poem- MOTHER INDIA.After that came THE SEA.These poems,till today are my favorite.They were my eye opener,in lot of ways.They took away the feeling of uselessness from me.i no more felt like i was useless.They gave me a confidence.And till today that is what keeps me going.
I thank you all,you are all the forces which still teach me.You all are the people who help me keep going.I thank all of you.