April 9, 2014 § 1 Comment
He was as crumpled as a paper waiting to be tossed into the infinite mess of the world, when she picked him up, straightened the sheet and read their future, as if the wrinkles were palm lines. She was convent educated, he refused to shave more than once a week. She adored eloquence and finery, while he had an old comb and a worn out toothbrush in his backpack.
He never knew love; and now in the verses she learnt him. His scrawl was a savagery, and yet she liked the t’s. There was a margin none too wide, and the words seemed too afraid to be too far away, lest a stranger makes them part ways.
It was a love like none other, and lasted all for a fleeting moment. And then she noticed the chewing gum, smartly sticking to her white dress. “Ugh,” she said, picking the gum in disgust, rolled the paper and binned it, with vehemence.
Yet, the words seemed to have left a mark, not to be washed away.
July 5, 2009 § 20 Comments
“Whats that again?”
“A feeling , you feel it in here. It gives you hope.”
” I can feel a calm ,is it love? ”
“Is there anything such as ‘universal love’ ? ”
“I love life and everything in it..”
” There is too much wrath here , I hate it”
” I love you .”
“Your my love.”
July 22, 2008 § 7 Comments
Walls.we build a lot of them around us.We live in between walls,when in fact we pay to get them around is.Why,why do we need to walls inside walls?
there is always a strong desire to become free and he too wanted to be free.’V’ was a 13 year old boy,who will strike you as a ‘normal’ kid.But if you ever happen to strike up a conversation with him,you will be left in awe and tears.His life had been a mixed one-happiness was not always present,he was always alone and he was always picked upon by his class mates and he didn’t have any friends.
He didn’t trust anyone.No one could be trusted ,they all were the same.He felt like an alien,like a disguised cat among dogs,always fearing that his cover would be blown and he would be torn.Every now and then,he came across people who were a little like him.He used to feel very happy,his face would lighten up and he would serenade his audience with true tales and his two faced life.he would then learn about the other alien too.Those moments of joy were unimaginable.But then they didn’t last forever,at least the happiness didn’t.The other person would either move on would just become the ‘others’.
Even though you would have found him alone most of the time,he did liked to talk.In fact,if he got going,there was no stopping him.Yet the way he was treated and the injustice he had to face,bogged him down;The added bricks which were not of his own make,caused his back to bend.At first he would cry himself to sleep every night,hoping that someone,somewhere would hear him.He used to talk to himself,he used to talk in his sleep too,he created his own ‘ideal’ people,whom he moved and hurt and loved the way he wanted to.he slowly got engrossed into this fantasy,in which he was ruler of destiny,the lord of the universe.
It is not that he didn’t believe in god,but he did lose faith in god.He asked god to show him a miracle and since he didn’t see any,he concluded that there was god.So having no purpose and having no one but himself,he learnt to enjoy his loneliness.Very few people dared to enter his world,even if they ventured,he didn’t like the human presence and killed them and with a dirge buried them.
And so like this he turned 14.People ignored him.When he talked no one ever heard him.He hated his school life.He didn’t know what he wanted.He used to sit alone and stare at everything around him.It didn’t matter where he was,no one would disturb him,even if he sat in the middle of a ‘group’ no one would notice him.It was almost like,he didn’t exist.And he never got the idea of a group.He had never been in one to know the sense of belonging,to him the people were the walls,they closed on him when ever they pleased,they moved an ocean apart,when ever they felt like.But when ever they did move apart,more walls came up.It was as if,he was being taunted.Like a scared child,he hugged on to his world,like the last of a specie he tried to save himself,even though he knew the end was inevitable.
And the end came.The pressure grew,until one day he decided he didn’t want this world.He didn’t have anything,to him the world was evil.Why what was ‘virtue’,was this it? Was this humanity?he hated it all.He locked himself in a room.He thought of his decision to kill himself.He thought about everyone in his life,he thanked them for everything they had been.He forgave everyone.And as he decided to end it all,the miracle he had been looking for came.A light,the long tunnel had a light at its end.It was unlike any light he had ever seen all his life.It told him,not to do it.He didn’t understand.He paused.He questioned the light.The light told him he was the progeny, that he came from a great family and that he had a purpose.Everything till then was a challenge,a test.It was he who had chosen this way to enlighten himself.He still didn’t understand,but he was curious,he decided he will give it a try,after all,he didn’t have anything to lose-except his life.And well if something would throw light on to his life,why not bask in it?
And the light thought him,it led him.enlightenment was indeed this.
All are god.All are me.I am all.he realized that there are so many things.he was not the only alien ,there were lots of them,but being aliens they were rare.He learnt so many things,which he had never known.When you go to a new place,you watch the people and observe what they do,he did that.he understood the basic nature of humans.He understood his own emotions.and even though he was sitting under the light,there was a shadow.His was his loneliness.Your shadow is your greatest tutor and so loneliness thought him things,yet your shadow lets you down,your enemy knows that you are there.He knew he couldn’t control the shadow,but at least,he can concentrate on the light,it will give him a solution.
Then suddenly darkness came.The shadow took over again.The reign of darkness spread and all that was good seemed red.He felt the old pain,grow inside him,he left his life going back to square one.His experience thought him that this was test,but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to take it.But then at 15 he was wise,wiser than the other kids.He aimlessly roamed the darkness.he had a match to strike and light up the light,but he didn’t couldn’t find any place to light the match.The darkness grew,like only darkness can.
the darkest hour is before dawn,and words became his dawn.One fine day he picked up his pen,from then on,life became life.He understood the light was him.He appreciated it.he loved it.yet there are moments in his life,when darkness sets in again.It eats him,like how it spreads when the sunsets.But since he was the light,he quickened the darkness,so that he quickened the dawn.
In between all this,he had learnt to break the walls.he broke and created them at his will.He was not scared of the world,but then having known loneliness as it is,he knew that those moments are something which will make you rich.His pen was his sword and he was not afraid,you sometimes fled from a battle so that you don’t taint your sword.The walls he knew,were like all on earth-a boon and a bane-both were of the same,but it is what name you lend to them-god or devil.
What will his life be?What will he be in the future?
No one is a mater of destiny,except us.But have a shadow within us,which we might watch so that we don’t become our own walls.We our the only once who can summon and we are the ones who can be summoned.We have the right to choose and we are the choice.Everyone and everything has a voice and its purpose is not just to make some noise,but to tell you about what you are and your choice.No one is to be blamed.Everything is right ,as everything is the same.What is a crime?What is a sin?Every wall has a weak spot within and once we strike it,there is nothing of it except its remains in our memory.
When you build your walls,remember where is the spot,so that you can guard it when you have to and also break it when you need to.No wall is too great.A wall is a tool like everything else.You are the creator,preserver and destroyer of the tool.Use your tool,the way it is supposed to be.There is a light within and none can destroy it. Darkness is a phase,when light decides to show you its other face.Your eyes might pain,if you keep looking into light,so cool your eyes with darkness as it is as sweet as fire is when compared to water.
Be yourself.Don’t be afraid to break.For if you don’t lie,truth has no meaning.
July 13, 2008 § 12 Comments
I am writing a short story after a long time 🙂 And well as usual no names 🙂 LOL 🙂 tell me what you feel about it 🙂
Shattered.He felt shattered.How can she leave him? After all that?Why? what did he do wrong? He knelt down in pain.Why everything in life seemed vain.He was tempted to go and end it all somewhere.Why,why won’t she accept him,now? Why a few seconds ago she loved him,after all she had loved him for the past three years,why? WHY! WHY!
Someone was behind him,he turned back,trying to control his emotions.He kept his head bent.The other person was telling something.He didn’t feel like talking.Why he didn’t want to have anything with humans.He got up,the other person tried to hold him,his mind registered that it was one of his friends.He shrugged away.HE started walking,walking towards nothing. His friend followed him.
“what happened da?” ” tell something man, Why what happened to you? ”
“nothing,just nothing,leave me alone.”
“I can’t.I won’t leave you alone,idiot.You might get your self killed.”
“well it doesn’t matter,if that happened,after all the only person i ever cared left me ,walked on me,took away the last living part of me,i don’t have a purpose for existing,i am already a ghost.”
“don’t work your self up,so much.Chill,wait lets cross and go to the shop,i will get you a drink.”
“Leave me.Why do you even care for me? What did i do for you? What did i ever do to you!?just leave me,i need to be alone.”
“Look,i will leave you alone,but not here.I understand.I told you don’t get involved with her.”
“yes you told me alright! but then i needed a purpose to live.I felt lost.Why i didn’t have anyone to love.I wanted someone who will laugh with me and wipe my tears.I wanted someone who will see me as what i am and will accept me for what i am,who will not try to change me.And she loved me .WHY!”
“Look did she tell you anything before she left?”
“No she didn’t.We were just talking and laughing ,i told her what happened today,how i had been ragged and how the other guys lost it when i acted as if i didn’t understand what had happened.Suddenly she swore at me told me she hated me and walked away laughing!It was so unlike her,let like her.Why,Why is this happening only to me!”
“Dude.Might be she saw someone else.Or there should be a reason.”
” No there isn’t one.It is simple-no one can ever love me.I am the hated and will always be hated.Why I know even you don’t like me.Don’t think i forgot that it was you who dragged me into so many things,it was you and your friends who did it in the first place.”
“Look i already told you,i made a mistake.Now don’t bring that up.Just come with me.”
“Why should I ? I am free.I do whatever i want and all i want now i death.I want it,it is the only drug which will ever save me.Hell man go die, i don’t give a damn for anything you say,before i go wild leave me.I will go down in the books of the universe as the one who failed,miserably.I am the biggest mistake! All i want is peace and that is there only in death.”
“how do you know? As if you have died before,cut the crap ,shut up!”
“Ha you don’t know do you.have you ever tried killing your self?”
“It is the most beautiful feeling.You sense an end.You feel like nothing matters.You prepare yourself,you forgive everyone and slowly you know it is the right thing,to end it all.Your mind reaches a sense of high peace.Your soul feels at ease.Your heart works at its best,for it knows it has served its purpose,you close your eyes,you love life for you can die.”
“You never told me all this!”
“why should i tell you,to get locked up in some place? No way.I know better ways to die,than get killed by someone like you.”
“you are hopeless.I am the only one who ever cares for you and you such things on my face.OH!god save me!”
“HA,ya i forgot!GOD! you hearing? See i am planning to kill myself,make sure this guy doesn’t stop me! You know why i want to do it,i swear i will kill you if i don’t die!”
“What the hell,how will you kill god? Ha if you stop me,you will know.”
“Wait i will call her up and ask her what happens.”
With a sly smile ,he dials a number.He sees his friend shiver.He was achieving what he wanted to.He will never forgive the guy.His mind raced away,speculating things,”ha,so before you kill yourself,you forgive everyone ,hope you forgive me man,for what i doing to you.Hope hell is good.Don’t forget to message me”.
She picked up the phone.
“hi its me.”
“why did you dump him?”
“you told me to so i did.”
“OH! come on,tell me .”
” You told me man,to make that guy fall in love with me and then dump him when you tell him to”.
“What you think he lied to you?”
“what is wrong with you?Is this a movie or something?”
“OH! shut up,stupid girl,he is the best guy you will ever get!”
“Whats wrong with you? You,you…”
“Ha right you are going to do what? go die.”
He cuts the phone.
“dude did you lie to her about anything?”
“Well know.”And he lifts his head.
“so playing games with me?i have warned you,i am insane!She did tell me what you were planning.You see,you don’t know anything about her.She too is like me.the difference is she could hide herself better.Your game is up.”
“OH! nice.What you going to do now?”
“You will see,sooner than later.I am not the kind who hurts people.”
After 3 weeks:-
“what he died?Impossible!!HOW?’
“he killed himself!He wrote a letter here it is!”
he opened the letter and read it out to her:-
“hi you two
I am long dead.I forgive you for what you did to me.I am killing myself because i realized,that i had destroyed what i love the most.As you said it is easier to forgive now and i feel at peace with the world.My girl dumped me.She went of with the other guy,he showed her money and took off.I didn’t have anyone else.I tried to reason out but then my parents found out a few thing like i smoke and drink.They have planned to get me into some place where they will ‘make me alright’.I don’t want it.I too was and after a long time,like you both.i was always lonely as a child and i never had friends.I was ridiculed and ragged.but then one day one of our seniors took me to a place and taught me to drink and smoke.He got me addicted and used me for so many things.i have done so many things which i never should have done and i regret it.I realised when you two found out what i was doing,that i need to become myself.You were examples.It is not that i didn’t know that you two had tried to end it all,but i acted as if i didn’t.Ironically,it was i who have given you both a life now and to honor your love,i give you both my life.Say a prayer for me.”
and they both cried.They missed their best friend.They had known this was going to happen,they wished they had stopped him.”
“but if we had,then he would have died everyday.It is for his good.”