March 11, 2009 § 5 Comments
The king heard the sage speak out.It was the best speech he had ever heard,not even the home minister was capable of such,not even Obama was capable of such,not even ,not even,the Martian who tried to take over Earth was capable of such,not even ,not even,there was no comparison left, “ha! such wisdom” the king thought to himself.
To others around him,the king seemed lulled like he was watching a 4 hr Hindi movie, like the snake who was charmed in the street corners on some country, like poor people at the hands of corrupt politicians or kids on orkut getting hacked. And all the while ,the king was dreaming of a coup, that someone was talking over his kingdom.
It struck the poor king,he burst out, ” What do you call a brahmin boy who can write with both his hands? ”
The sage looked pleased,”ha so the spirits have woken up ,have they” , he said in a deep baritone,as if the moon had flown away. ” I know the answer,to your wit, ‘ ambi-dexterous’ (ambi – boy/man) ..ha ha ha,such wit,welcome to the land of thondi,whom am I speaking to? ”
” This is the great spirit of thondi raja’s great to the power of 100 grand father,How are you oh! sage,you look as young as you were,when you made Alexander go back! My ,I remember,you were wearing those Chinese silk stuff,when did you change fashion?”
“OH! I change my fashion,as it comes. My fellows rule the world of fashion you know.You want to go to Milan ,watch a fashion show and play football with Beckham,I have some passes for you.”
“Ha! no,my time here is short.I am using a Prepaid connection and my we have recession in heaven as well,so before they lock me out,I need to get back. We are asking for a bailout,but since elections are approaching and the parties are busy wasting money on campaign posters and false promises…anyway,This is what I have to say,anyway,oyi, my son,do you hear me? ”
” yes thatha( grand father).”
” On the 5th full moon from today,go and climb the great peak of thondi and stand there,with some of your French wine,Swiss cheese and Thiyirsadham,that day we shall upgrade to the platinum thondi member. Be well dressed ,the special angles will be there and oh! they likes bribes,so have some nice gift handy for him.”
” oh! I shall do as you say thatha,but one problem,I do not take or pay bribes,I have been inspired by bloggers to not do so.I refuse to pay bribes.”
“Ha! that is sad,make your choice,I have to go,my balance is almost over,my I should change connections,waiting for number portability..bye..”
The king woke up from the trance . He left so fresh, ha he had such wonderful ideas and he got the message,he dutifully recited it,like some sacred hymn,lest he forget it! He left as if he was growing younger by the day,like Benjamin Button…
Suddenly there was a blast and a gunman appeared,he placed the PK-A7 on the kings head and with a wild laugh screamed “Game over”….
February 25, 2009 § 8 Comments
And like any proper movie dog,it was trained.This was no ordinary slumdog,this was a slumdog,with a English touch,given to the sage by the English man who just fell in love with the aroma of Sambar,the man was also passionate about telling lies,but now was nowhere to be seen.
The gentlest men in this Earth are not those who wear a Armani and eat Thayirsadam(curd rice) made by some mammi,nor are they crickters who grew up dreaming about an actress and a Ferrari.No ad in the world can display the gentleness of men,for the weight of their beard will crush them but the living example was our king.And as he ran,so light he was that everything became as still as a statue at a road corner,showered with crow poop.
And every creature with 6 senses or less,watched the great thodiraja chase the great dog with the English touch.This was the race of the century(a few film critics commented that this running was inspired by Wall-e but the truth is ,well that is a secret,go file a Right to info case to know..) ,the king desperately tried to catch the dog,much like a hero in a tamil cinema chases his twin brother,much like boys chase the girls in school,but the ending was inevitable,you can’t enter everywhere and so the dog reached safe house,in the form of a ladies rest room.
The king felt misreable,so miserable,he almost began to weep,his innerwear almost turned pink but then from nowhere,the rest room changed(unlike platform 9 3/4,you don’t need to run into something,like it is a relative who you don’t want to see) into a hut. The king was mesmerised,if only this was a movie,he could nominate for the Oscars and the place had some magic about it…
Suddenly he heard someone singing inside,the lyrics seemed familiar,” oh baby one more time…” and there appeared the sage,dressed in a Tommy tee and a mallu style lungi.
“Oh! myi eet hhhis the graaat king thondi,haaaw is yaaar taaaammy bro? Did toemmy make you ron taa mach? ”
The king was shocked,”You a mellu? ” he asked the sage,he gulped and added,” are you a namboothri? ”
“Ha! No no,that is just a fake accent,I was trying out these lungis and namboothri,is that a Abishiek Bachan movie? And Krishna,Rama ,Govida,they are trying to sermonize me now! Those senas,I am cancelling their thondi membership and launching a mallu magenta lungi campaign against them.But what is that in your hand? ”
“This? It is the latest tech from mircosoft,they wanted me to count the number of times the thing crashes,their logic being is that if it crashes lesser times than the PC,then they should dump it.”
“Ha! But you are caring a room heater to Chennai,Corruption to a government,Bail out to the Americans and and oh come trying to teach earthlings to be peaceful! I have all the technology and I have tried that out one too,it sucks,it crashes so many times per hour that I lost count,I mean it was more than the awards,Slumdog has won,oh! do you why the movie became famous? ”
“because they had sambar magic,they are a rare success…” And then the lights dimed and a song burst out and the sage continued,” Oh!thats a ARR special which I had made,anyway…see my hands and listen to me speak by my beard..”
And the king sees the hands,he sees a magical ring..he goes into a trance and he hears the sage speak…