Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

January 28, 2009 § 13 Comments

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? ”

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? ”

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! ”

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well  I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”


 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

 “SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

 “Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka! I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? ”

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 4!(spoof)

January 21, 2009 § 10 Comments

Read part3 here.

 

And the apple hit the king’s head.The king was propelled into a headtrip,the sun turned blue,the guards started singing like Britney and the minister’s clothes turned pink and a medieval slum from some where,appeared.

The king was confused.How can an apple,have this effect? He felt miserable,so miserable that he decided to watch CC2C .He claped his hand and with a sparrow appeared Jack Sparrow he was called. ” Where am I? Get me CC2C,ha macabre,pirate,monkeys don’t eat meat! Where is the pirated DVD? ” 

“Oh!King the pirates of Somalia have seized it!”

“What thou too Jack? And what happened to your compass? ”

“Oh!desperate times sire,had to sell it,thanks to the depression!American’s have reduced imports!”

“OH! how bad can this get? A painted king,upon a painted pink? This is insanity,my I do wonder how Newton got along,maybe thats why he decided to think of far more romantic things like the moon and going in circles..”

“What ,no don’t dream…er..your thondiness..wait…We do have RBDJ,SRK you know…”

“No,no I need a jodi for thondi Idol..I liked that Pinto lady,in Slumdog…ha Why do they call it hot dog,when it doesn’t have a dog?”

A dolrum ,the king heard.It seemed to be screaming,give the king sambar,give the king sambar.

“Ha Jack,get me some sambar!”

“Sambar? Nothing ..i ain’t know anything like that mate..hmm..King!”

And in a world of his own,the king broke down to a song,much like a drunken thief on a drowning island.The people around him were troubled.Who would give their bonus and other incentives and those long meals at Taj,gateway to thondi? And the king didn’t have a sun..er..son yet! Something needed to be done.

Someone came running,it was a pretty girl.Ha modest,cute,but she seemed foreign .

“Oh! men of virtues old and new!” She began,” those who have taken the pledge to be corrupt and thus make sure your future is safe!I know the solution!” 

“HA! my lady,who are you doesn’t matter,all that matters is you help our king,name your price!” After all he looked local enough,demanding and all.

” First let me make the king calm,datacalm…”

And she went to the dissembled king and bowed,as if he was an statue which crows graced and then said an incantation,”Zuka zuka zukiii zuk…zukier zuk zahir zak zaki zakkiiii zakoki zakim zakiw zakique “(censored as it is top secret).

The king became calm,as calm as a person who informs the world,he is a fraud and they can’t do anything,as they don’t know his Swill bank Pin code.

She turned around.”It is the curse,but once I break,the king will be enlightened.He shall solve all the problems.And for that very reason,we need protection,so that no terrorist comes in his way and forces him to create more weapons of mass destruction.And now price…

“All of you get out of here.”

The minister argued,”but we cannot,we need to ensure his safety.”

“See I am not wearing any shoes,so I shall not throw any at him.I do not have planes,so I won’t bomb him.I do not have any Polonium so I will not poison him.So if you won’t your king,get out, or I am going to…”

And without any other choice and considering their unfortunate circumstances,the guards and the ministers left.

The lady took out a mirror,placed it on the calm king’s head.Punched his big stomach thrice and  hailed the lords of Thondi and smashed the mirror much like the ancient custom.The mirrorcracked .The king fell down. Everything became silent.Silence prevailed.AS calm as the world was when Obama took the pledge,but of course there was no one taking a pledge. Divorces in the US weren’t fought,as the judge was stunned how his wig became black,no one was bumped ,even Israel decided to call a cease fire and no Viva voce took place for that wonderful moment.

The Gods seemed to be watching,the spirits of thondi,came about and blessed,their progeny,lest he be condemned to celibacy.A new spirit descended into the king.He came to know that all this was the work of the Sambar,the sambar magic!He woke up,slowly,he took in the world and the lass.He was struck by her beauty,but unlike some desperate teenager,he smiled ruefully,cleaned with the latest product from Tollgate.

The world began to breath easy.The king got up,the lady got up,they kissed,their souls met,unpolluted,the factories didn’t run as the employees were on a strike,the roads were clean,as the bus drivers were on strike. The birds chirped,the flowers bloomed,the sea dashed of L’oreal’s latest water colour,marriage’s are made in heaven,kisses are made with lips…Quid pro quo.

They watched the sun set into the far off beach,Sambar magic was working,the king felt as fat as ever.

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