Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 6!(spoof)

February 7, 2009 § 10 Comments

read part 5 here.

 

And the computer crashed! The king got irritated and was about to blow up,but something struck him!He looked beyond that which is seen-The OS was vista and yes it lived up to its name! If you want something search it out! Such divine revelation! Maybe that is why he opened the gates and ran out and made lots of bills! Ha and so the king set about preparing the trip.

But before any packing,he needed to eat.He took out his mobile and called the wonderful home minsiter.The minister barked into the phone,

” And yes we are facing problems! But law wasn’t written in a day! It took more than two years to write,word by word,issue by issue,problem by problem! Just read the fine print! You guys missed out the star! –Conditions apply!”

The king took in a couple of deep breaths and in a icy voice replied,

“My fine sir! If only life can be made fair,by using a fairness cream! Now this is your king here.I do appreciate your preparations for the world human rights day summit,but if you want to hold on to your stars,better get into that ferrari of yours and be here and if you don’t I will have that head of yours and that branded spectacles chopped like interest rates!” 

And the minister in a mocking tone replied,

” Oh! Sire,but pardon me! I shall be there! I was preparing for the call in programme, evidently they want human rights unplugged! In fact they are giving world leaders free calls! Its about tigers you see and men with beards,you see! I shall be there!” 

And the phone went dead.Ha but the king forgot to tell him to bring him food! He dialed again-

“All lines are currently busy,please dial later!” 

“Oh! by my great thondi!” The thondiraja blew,”what is this! ”

And the power went out.Even as the generators were switched on,the king’s face turned white! But just as a major explotion was about to take place as if someone was testing nuclear weapons under the bed of a ill leader,the home minister ran home!The pace at which he did run,was amazing!If the olympic sprinters were to run without steriods then this would be it!

The miniter went on his knees and apologised! There can be no doubt,this was true culture! This cooled the king,like a beer from a bar in Mad-lur! 

“Chiao! Cheeks ! Thats polite ! I am pleased,but now get up,If you want to get married,go to Mad-lur or Bad-lur and sit in a park on fourteenth of this month with a girl! Cheap and easy! the media will also be there! I will gift you a saffron colour ice cream!  My such social service! And oh! Remember to wear the Levi jeans and the miss…who ever it is,that pink,Venus’ short shirts! ”

beliwered the minister answered

” But I am already a married man! ”

” Then get up and get me something to eat! I shall be going for a hike! So I will not be here for a while! Now remember to check the date on all invitations for thondi idol! Oh! And please avoid bad translation! I don’t want people to think this is any other show! IT IS THE IDOL show! Why even Jackson wants to take part! Too bad he isn’t a citizen of Thondi! And don’t forget to forget sending an invitation to Himesh! Let him stay there and sing for the queen! And remember to create some problem or the other everyday or I will be penalized by the news channels and remember to check that the proper diet is served for the children of thondi! ”

And the king took a breath but before he could resume,the minister ran, now more like a sprinter on steriods to fetch the food! He had never heard the king so unhumourous! If only it was the economy ,he could bail it out!

The king now left alone,he tried to on the comp,he pressed and pressed it,nothing happened….until in rage he kicked it,with the Ronaldo technique! And boom! He was suddenly in the Sambar world! But at a different place…Now wait a minute it seemed to make some sense..

 

“SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

But his voice,he was no sage with a mouth in his foot! He didn’t SMS anyone did he, he took out his mobile again and to his surprise he found that he had a message in his inbox,

“This V day free massage for you and your other half at 50% discount! Hurry limited offer!”

“Ha pity, will this lead to him finding his better half! Ha this Sambar,it is crazy! Like a croc in a T.V. ad   ! Now he needed to find a blot. But he realzied that million dollar pens don’t blot nor does anyone in the state of Thondi own a decent leaky parker! The poorest man was..poor? That was never heard of in thondi,where will he get this pen!”

He thought and began to take a stroll…His sudddenly turned around and saw a dog following him.No this was not  a gift from his mobile network to follow him everywhere! This was no  voota-phone(voota -borken) ,something caught his attention,he started closing in on the dog.The Dog seeing such a huge figure coming close to it,turned and began to run!

The great big fat,Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja ran.It was a sight to behold,a mark in history! Something which obese children will read in the future and get inspired by,he started spriting like Captain VJkanth ,this was what the doctor..er…sage ordered for..

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Thought ,action and the society

February 4, 2009 § 12 Comments

So after everyone has cut,dissected,chewed and what not with the whole issue of “Indian Culture”,I am responding. I am not going to get into details about the whole incident.Forgive me if I digress too much,but it is too complicated to make it simple.

Be not too tame neither, but let your own discretion be your tutor: suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with this special observance, that you o’erstep not the modesty of nature:” 

 

This is what the bard said all those years ago.And yet after all these years of hard thought ,development and modernisation,even as we run against ourselves in a never ending quest,humans in general and pseudo-humans in particular haven’t got it yet.

the corner stone of civilization and development and innovation has always been the “thought”(a few of you might recount this post.),yet this very thought has faced a lot of opposition since time immemorial. Inventors and those who are curious to know about the world,have always faced the wrath of those who are not capable of such.From Socrates through Galileo to every other individual who was tried for thinking, discrimination has always embraced those who dare to do the unthinkable-to think.

Not that the current incidents of discrimination have thing to do with science,it has more to do with the perception and cognitive ability of those who acted(isn’t that science? seeing the world around us?).The appalling and that which stands out is the fact that these people had no voice.Yet what  is the standard by which they act? 

Whose standard is the right standard? 

Every creature has the ability to judge.This is instinctive,yet as we grow up the surroundings we grow in and the world around us(nurture)  influences our standards of judgement.And so the reason we have this friction is because of different views/beliefs.Now these views and beliefs are woven into the person we are when we grow.So let me go out of the bound and venture into (tyring to) see what might have led to the varied standards.

In a world of many crimes,it is possible to over power a human with guilt.And people who have “sinned” (so to speak) all their lives look for a way to “redeem” themselves.And for such redemption the path most often than not leads to “godmen” .Throughout history these men have always have been a negation of the values which the thought allows.Let me be clear,

Once you make someone feel guilty of an action,there next response is to surrender.This gives the “judge” indispensable power over the other.Now to make sure that their pawn is either  white or black(and thus ending the wanning monochrome) ,they dispel the very basic tool of human survival,the thought(long story made short,we can’t kill an animal one on one without tools)  to make sure their pawns cannot see beyond the known environment.The proof of this is the fact that many of the greatest achievers in history,have all known to keep to themselves and not belong as such to any organisation in which they would be a pawn.

Now with such a large crowd at their disposal,any opposition (anyone who as much as uses the left instead of right) has to be disposed off.It becomes easy,as the majority is the law.Not a nice picture to paint.but we should remember that many have lived all this and mankind progressed into what it is today. Yet their(those who lived) Achilles heel has been that the fact that thinkers as such cannot be united under one frame,to create a roof for those who don’t like them is impossible.

So this negation has managed to get more than a foot and a hand in the world.And so has anyone who thought differently been chopped off them.So what we need to do is make sure that peoples’ ability to think are not compromised.IF this were a true jungle and you are left to your own devices with your face against an antagonising world with an uncanny ending proposed for you,then you would have no way out of it except thinking and acting.

And this remains.But when we do find a “tribe”  we find security,this enables us to expand our thoughts and influence.Now what about the person who finds security in a thoughtless world,where the words of one who dreams at destruction is over powering and rhetoric ? He is on, strings to be pulled.

This post till now has eaten a lot of words.But don’t mistake me,I am asking you for your compassion for these pseudo-humans,I am asking you to choose which standard should survive.And let me put the other choice,which the above is a negation off-

A world where innovation is the key and love is more than that a dictionary can define.One where skill is valued and altruism is looked down upon and where the rules need not be imposed as each one has the sense of the quotation mentioned above.A world where ” force ” is that which is used to sustainably develop the world around and money is a mode of exchange.

WHICH ON WOULD YOU PREFER? 

 

Whose fault is it? 

I have read a lot of posts which go about trashing and beating the incident but I found very few looking at the fact and the problem and (almost) no one willing to place of origin.

If fable-ous stories suit your romanticism,the devil takes the face of anyone and everyone.If you prefer more tangible,there isn’t.These are ideas which have spread.After all it is from the people,for the people and by the people.So if we ever want to correct this,we should stop screaming and start looking for ways.We all are very generous at giving donations,so how about donating some time to look at what can be done? 

From within the society it arises.Now it is not possible to change the views of people who are grown and senile but we can make sure that the future world is safe of such views.But then how? 

A possible solution is to make schools provide education which would have more affinity to thought rather than other sorts.Make no mistake,it doesn’t mean you take away the prayers etc,I am not advocating that(nor am I trying to force the view that there should be such) but religion and its dogmatic impositions should not be tattooed into children,freedom and creativity should be the fundamentals.We can have special schools for people from less privileged backgrounds,where in they are thought how to think.

All this sounds romantic but the thing is we all don’t have time,we are running a race ,a human race.But then we forget that all this endangers for the very thing we are working for,a better tomorrow.

The onus might be heavy to bear,but then by not caring we are making it heavier for tomorrow.The problem is more complicated by the fact that no one is equal in thought and bodily.We cannot feed a code and expect the same output,we are designed to work in our own unique way.Discrimination will always be a problem. And jealously and other such emotions add make it more grotesque.

Conclusion:-

We can all write and write and condemn but the fact is that such forces do exist. When a leader who does believe in non-violence and development of human beings with an individual’s rights asserted and the world fit to be roamed and discovered(with the flora and fauna ) does take the helm,for a short while the world seems fine.Yet for something which has dominated for centuries one generation of washing does not remove the stains,it only pollutes the rivers.

I started writing this post,with a kilo of optimism but coming to a close,I don’t feel any sense of achievement.It is their mistake and it is ours as well.And we need to make sure “not a pound more” is taken.But blood shall be shed along and to those of us,who still want to see humans as complete as we are born,it adds macabre and sends into paranoia.

To suit the words to action and action to the word,i.e. use our discretion ,we need to have one standard.Yet that shouldn’t be rigid.But then rigidity has always been the shell of the society.So to simply make things look simpler so that we all can go with out lives and not forget all this as soon as the news channels have got their TRPs,let me say,we need to change the way people think.And we can only be catalysts ,so how storng are we going to be? 

P.S: This post may not be complete in many sense,so I promise to reply to comments in full this time and not with smileys 🙂

violent enlightenment,peace for sale and the cartoonist(cartoons)

February 2, 2009 § 14 Comments

From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped

P.S:-The last one is in response to this 😉 

 

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

January 28, 2009 § 13 Comments

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? ”

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? ”

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! ”

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well  I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”


 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

 “SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

 “Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka! I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? ”

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

Democracy,majority, India and the world

January 23, 2009 § 16 Comments

 

Its no more Barack H Obama,it is president Barack H Obama. So there we have it,like everyone else around the world,I too was glued to the T.V. ,as arguably the world’s most powerful office was taken over by a man who promises much.And as a prelude to what we might expect, he stopped a trail in Guantanmo Bay and is all set to close it.

Solilo rasied a few interesting points about our democracy and this was my comment:-

 

I like this post,my view about our country is simple
-our constitution is the third epic we have given to the world,after mahabaratha and ramayana.
-democracy is the biggest hypocrisy.Not that I am communist either,in fact democracy seems better of the two devils.The fact is only we “educated” people bother about all this,for the farmer,if he gets free T.V,he doesn’t realize he has to pay more bribes,or maybe they are used to it,like we are paying to cops etc..
-having a single person seems more dangerous,see what Bush did..
-whats the solution now? proper democracy? ya right and how are we ever going to bring out fair play? maybe give a fair play award,like FIFA does in every world cup..simple the cup would be sold..

I know I sound rather cynical and pessimistic,but then seriously we need people who are dedicated.The talk about how we were united during freedom struggle is all fine,we knew the face of the “enemy” but now we don’t.Not just as a state,but as the “global village”.

 

So continuing from where i left,I have never really thought of democracy as what Mr.Lincoln said -of the people,by the people,for the people. 

Basically “people ” here would mean the majority. Now how do we know that the majority is right? If majority is always right,then how did we end up with a Bush? And it was funny seeing Americans themselves almost booing Bush. So is majority always right? 

There is a saying in Tamil “Makal theeirpa makesan theeirpa” or “the people’s judgement,is God’s judgement”.I am sure there is a saying to that effect in every language. But past the romanticism of such sayings,throughout history we have seen people’s judgement as a society, not being “sane” shall we say.

The fact remains that society is a summation of individuals.Now most individuals are gullible(not enough integrity,I would say,Et tu Brute?),so if one person can harangue their belief to the masses,something like Antony did,then we are left with a judgement of one person .Without trying to digress into the merits of Brutus’ actions(after all under the statue it was,right?) ,what we do know,is that the crowd is always willing to jump on to boat with more gold.Nothing is more emphatic than bribing people for votes.

There are so many things,which we have to accept as a part of society,de reguiuer more than anything else. Yet we teach kids(I am  still  a kid) to be truthful,be honest etc, the most blasphemous thing about it is blackmail( it is blackmail ) -“God will poke your eye.” As a kid,growing up,I thought for a long time,adults as those who have values,kids are the ones who are frivolous as they don’t get the seriousness of life(blah blah blah{my am I falling in love with BODMAS?}) and when I did realize that adults are the ones who really a rope around the foot,it was some sort of revelation.

Majority isn’t always right. It seems a very mean conclusion to arrive at,particularly seeing the things majority dream about. For all the talk of majority wins, it actually took a single individual to get us (allegedly) independence.Yes,there were a lot of others,but they all were (to eulogize)a force,yet not too big enough. While Munna Bhai might be standing elections and making a few promiscuous statement about family names, we are still voting for the better devil.

And devils being devils ,have a set formula. Say you get this and that.Unity or communalism ,democracy or the thumb rule. The manifesto the “leaders” deliver,seems to be a mirror,they reflect what the people want to hear,yet they are painted behind.We are a nation which dreams about unity,about a social equity,yet it is easier for a criminal to hold a seat,in the highest house,while for others to hold on to their houses seems difficult.

The majority of us,don’t want wars or torture.Now try telling that to Taliban or Israel ? Are we trying to sell something here,which no one will buy? Or should we coat it with oil or stud with diamonds which they anyway have? 

Questioning the human standard of “goodness” is what all we “good” people do.Yet beyond the first question,we have never travelled,now I do wonder,if we “good” were to choose a leader who would it be?

There is the concept of “mixing it” in football.Where in you just don’t play pretty passing game,you put in a few hard tackles and may be even break a couple of foot.But aren’t we supposed to be breaking the foot of the common enemy? Now the common enemy team,lets say are these :-

Terrorism:-Well my views are very clear about terrorism

From photoshopped

Corruption:-

From photoshopped

Politicians and their divide and rule policy:-

From photoshopped

Poverty:-

From photoshopped

Illiteracy:-

From photoshopped

I am tempted to add religion but abstained(immaculate) from it.Mainly because,it is the root.I don’t consider it as a social problem,it is something far wider,it is in the mind,a psychological problem,no one would ever in the name of God or in the name of not believing(we are a nation of Hindus,Muslims,Christians,Sikhs,Parsis, Buddhists and non-believers )in it commit atrocities which violate every sense of pride an animal has.

So these evils we need to throw a few hard tackles at.Yet what is the problem? It is their method for one thing(fire for fire maybe?) and we are too humane to consider hurting them.And end of the day,we are happy to live our lives(nothing wrong in that,only thing we might get affected someday ).

The only reason why Israel bombs Gaza is because Gaza has no nuclear weapons,same thing with Iraq and Afghanistan,now why then Afghanistan’s neighbor not bombed? Simple,even though they brew the Taliban mix,they have nuclear bombs, Blackmail. So where is freedom and democracy ?

I am not far from the truth,when I say,equity is still a dream and will always be a dream for the society.The more globalised we become,the more we would tend to discriminate:-

A good example are the reservation policies, it is not about each one according to your worth,oh! no it is all about which caste you belong to! And oh! whats the preamble again?

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political;
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.

Hypocrisy ? Good enough,isn’t it.Well it is an epic as I said. We  find the government doing work against all this.But what I should appreciate is that if I were in a communist country I would not even be allowed to write this. So much for my two paise of freedom. I live in a large Metro and one of the country’s safest,I have no clue of communal violence except what I read and see on T.V. I will proudly say,my city is one in which communal violence will not boil out.

So back to the whole issue of majority.When the parties try to sell positions in the country,how far are we from the old situation?What are the virtues and what are the vices? The ban against Smoking,hasn;t gone anywhere. Nor has U.N. done anything great about human rights situation(OMG! UN? WHATS THAT?) in many countries.

 

 

From photoshopped

 

The leaders and whom so ever it is gain power,thanks to support.So as a society we need to do something( not watch NDTV and send SMSes and comments). Whatever system arises,there will be some problems which arise,as the aces dealt are equal(wow! something is fair!) to all.The fiends ,will grow along,but we need to grow faster than them.We need to evolve into something they can’t catch.And at doing all this,we need to do it in a way,which our “inner voice” will agree. When we choose someone,we need to know what they do.Maybe instead of the budget,the government should publish the cash flow for each project it undertakes.Maybe,we educated need to stand up and take control. In times when we are moving into the age of intelligence, a person who is still stuck with medieval ideas can do no good. And without pointing fingers,what we will have to do is,take up the onus and try to initiate a change. 

And to change, it is the children(nurture) whom we can start it with.The terrorists have learned it well.We should make sure,that the poor kids learn values which do the world good. We need to stop war,as all it does is cause more anger,when an action is so sever ,what about the reaction? We need people with the same standards.

President Obama seems to be the person, but I am not that sure others are going to cooperate. 

Lets hope for the best.

From photoshopped

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 3!(spoof)

January 9, 2009 § 9 Comments

And the voice on the other end,chirped,”yeeeeyaaa!Thondi raja!You have been selceted to perform in the Thondi Idol!”.The king,went ablaze,he jumped and he danced and started to sing,” Oh,want to have a thondi just  like this? Just eat all you have…oh! want to have a thondi just like this…”,The old man with the beard,gave a “I told you so” smile,whitened,by a secret formula,approved by the shamen and the head priest of thondi.

Ops,if you haven’t read part 2 yet then read it here.

 

The king replied to the voice,”Sure,I am honoured and since I sent away our star singer,Himesh,there is no competition for me,though there is this blogger called Vimal,ha did he qualify?”.

“Yes he did and we would be honoured,if you as the king do the thondi dance,to the song,”thondis don’t lie” “.

Even more delighted,”wow,now I need a partner..,when is it? “.And replied the voice ,all earnest and young ” You have plenty of time,oh!the world record holder for eating the most number of bhadushas(bhadushas are Indian donout,though it should be the other way about.),to put on some weight and get ready for the dance.All the best your highness,TC.”

 

As the call ended,the king turned around and thanked the smiling man with the beard.The man with the beard responded,” This is the secret of  Bush to get elected for the second term,the secret of Paris Hilton,to be so slim and Tony Blair,to lie so much and oh! your highness,this will always keep you fat! You are indeed the pride of thondi! Now I think you should go back,take a pack of Sambar with you.

“I will  also teach you the code to return here,but remember this is not web 2.0,no twitter,no stumble,no orkut,no facebook,just keep it to yourself,keep saying it until,you know it like the moves of your favorite heroine or like a kid who watched DD in the 90s,knows the dialogues of Mahabaratha and Ramayana”.

“OH! my fine old man,I understand.I will not give it to anyway,least of all NTTV and I will keep the travelling charges out of my books ,my accountant doesn’t know accounts anyway,he learned the trade at PWC and gets a hefty salary,anyway he is busy, he is appearing as a market analyst in one of those channels called NTTV Loss.And some how,the KTIAA(Kingdom of Thondi Accountants Association) don’t know what to do with him.I could have him thrown to the lions,but unfortunately,the lions,seem to be influenced by our Health minister,maybe,I should make the Rambodoc,from the wonderful blogging world,as the health minsiter.”

“Oh!king whatever.It is time to go.” The man with the beard, then again placed a stone,measured his steps,compained and hit the Ronaldo style free kick.The stone feel into the Magical Sambar river and they were back.

And as they came out of the forest,a guard came running,” Breaking news oh! king,Sathyam boss,just quit.It seems he had doctored the books.”

 “Ha,you fine young man”,the king patted the man on his shoulder,”it is late news,if you want the full story,start blogging,as it is ,you don’t do any work,except,taking bribes from the beggars,to keep the big guards away.I tell you go,I will give you some money,eat ,get a thondi,don’t cheat and read blogs all day long.Otherwise,I will soon start being the “sources within” for the NEWS channels.”

“Oh!king,I am sorry,no,I do blog,but the feeds arrived a little late.Rather I was watching videos on youtube and forgot all about blogging.”

“Ha ,I am feeling hungry,run along”. The king turned to the minsiter who had arrived.”What happened to the Israel bombings?” 

The minister hesitated and confessed,”My brain was struck!”.

The king laughed out loud and beamed,” LOL,now that is a good minister.What a country,no wonder,we have pertol workers going on a strike etc.If we have such wonderful ministers!Now,you are going to get stuck,I am going to send you to the rehab,no comupters for five months.And remember to shave your hair.Of course we will give you a chalk.”

And so the king walked along,majestic as always.He took out his PDA(again gifted).And grunted,”Ha,this Microsoft,it is always getting hung.I thought they didn’t have capital punishments.”And at that moment,an apple,feel from the sky..

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 2!(spoof)

January 4, 2009 § 8 Comments

Read part one here.

 

The king once informed,was elated.He gave his wonderful ministers a treat in the Taj,near the Gateway of  Thondi.While eating an exotic fifty course meal,he was informed,that the lady in question was angry and was planning to sue the king of thondi in the international court of justice,for using her name.Confused and perplexed,the king,had a second helping of each dish.

The great Thondiraja,returned to his court.He knew the only way to help cool a person who lived in the artic(almost),was to send a “hot” gift.The singer Himesh would have been useful,but unfortunately he was in England.The sight of the latest AK 74,caught his eyes.What better gift,to give a person? After all the cold might get to her head and she might need something to help.He would send her some wine from his vineyards in France and a few guns.

The minister was summoned and told to write a letter,intricately describing,the beauty of American culture and their wonderful screaming music.The minister being a financial genius,praised the wall street businessmen and their slyly tactics.The letter was then sprayed with the latest deo from axe.The wine and the letter were shipped to the Arctic.A couple of days later,he received a mail from the lady and that she was impressed.

The king didn’t not like this at all.The queen should be more terrifying,so terrifying that the devil’s of interviews should cry and wish to be exported to some country.The king sent her a CD of Suprabatham and wished her long life.

After all the hullabaloo the king,was tired and wanted some real romance.So before parading his fleet of concords to another country and hunting a lady,he wrote a post on his blog condemning the air strikes by one country on another.This way the ministers would be kept on their toes and they would not eat too much,get a heart attack and die forcing him to return early.

At the airport,while he was about to board his plane,in a rather filmy style,an old man with a long beard and a sitar appeared.It would be blasphemy not to give a full account of what happened,so the actual conversation which took place:-

King Thondi:-Who are you? I am off to find a wife,so unless you have a daughter,you can talk.Since that is unlikely,move out of way of I shall crush you.

The man with the bread:- Oh wise one,my name would not be needed here.But I am the man who can offer you solace.

King Thondi:-Solace,Quantum of Solace? I didn’t like the movie.That fellow looked older than you,old man.And i would have been a better hero.I don’t talk to people without names,so be fast,i don’t want to waste the tax payer’s money by keeping the planes running!

The man with the beard:-

My father’s name is Bhrama

and my fav line is Narayana.

Krishna’s best friend was Sudhama,

Narayana Narayana,

from the Himalaya to Kumari,

From Ganga to Kaveri,

I am the sage who has fun

All the while on the run-

I am Narada.

Or at least,i played the part in Doordarshan.So call me that.Anyway I too pay taxes,so follow me oh! great king,who can eat the enitre universe,please follow me,I shall get you a wife.

King thondi:-Ha interesting,now I can Identify you,the bread has changed you.A queen? Who is she? Is she hotter than Shakira? Can she dance? Can she sing? Oh! you great Narada? 

The man with the bread:-By the merc your father gave me,yes she is way way better,follow me.

And so the king ordered the planes to be shut.He wouldn’t have lost,after all the fuel prices ha come down.He then  followed the man with the beard.

They entered the forests,the king held his gun ready,there were rumors that a pink panther was moving about.But the man with the bread,motioned him to put the gun down.And then,like Ronaldo,measuring a free kick,the man with the bread,measured 5 steps talked to a tree,complained that the bushes had grown too fast and ran and smacked a near by stone.The stone bounced of another tree,enraged,he took it on the volley and this time hit went over the tree and landed some distance away in a small pond.

The scenery changed.There in the middle of what seemed to be a heaven in earth,was a river.But instead of water,sambar flowed.The king was stunned,why he didn’t know the Sambar river went through Thondi,he thought it was only a myth.

He then realized it was another world,a world with a world.And at that moment his phone rang.The Sambar magic began.

TO BE CONTINUED…

The absurd list(its not just another list)

January 2, 2009 § 19 Comments

I have never been made any new year resolutions,after all isn’t it better to get to the solution at the first attempt then the re-solution? Hmm..does sound like a whole bunch of nonsense,but the title gurantees abusrdity,to the Nth degree of an indefinite line(whatever that is).So let me make this wonderful list,which made a sally and haunted me,till I resolved to write this post.

And since this is absurd,don’t factor in time here.The probability of these things,is perfectly elasitic (or inelastic) ,i.e.,one/all of the thing mentioned in the list might  happen within the next second(it hasn’t) or when I am senile old man,with false teeth,asking my grandson/great great grand daughter,how to use some new machine,which probably would be made by a guy who flunked LKG.So lets get to this wonderful list.

+- Publish a book.Until recently this found a place in the to do list.I moved it out (into this list) ,after reading a few famous books.While it is possible for any Ramaswami/Sighania/Tom who happens to write about some “teeny” love story to sell,what i write will never sell,unless,I grow a beard and have a six pack or a big belly.

+- Play football for Arsenal/Barca/Wolfsburg.Not that I would turn down an offer from some other club.But these are my favs in the respective leagues.But considering the fact that 16 years in the age at which most Arsenal player’s start their carrer,I am too old.So that leaves Barca and Wolfsburg.One has too many good players and the other,hmm…I just don’t speak German(nor Spanish).So there ends my football millions before my first Nike deal(please buy the shirt with my name and #7 or #9 on it).

+-Make a movie with Jonny Depp,Amir Khan and Kamal Hassan with Heath Ledger as the villian( Jack Sparrow shall take us to world’s end to bring back the villain!).The ladies shall be Deepika and Priyanka and for the sake of my wonderful friends Jessica Beil.You will not be able to guess who is Amir,Jonny and Kamal,until the last scene(they will be look alike triplets).So that leaves a female lead short,no there shall be no Pandava style sharing,one of them will find a lady drowning and rescue her(the lady shall be Kamal and the man shall be Kamal,a double roll,he does deserve,after all he did manage to do 10!).

+-Create world peace.If only master card could by world peace.But apparently,they too are going to go bankrupt soon,people came to the conclusion that buying priceless things was the best way to utilize their unlimited credit facility.And of course,thanks to too much of inflation,peas costs are high,that’s why countries use nukes.Or we can use the bottled chemicals aka soft drinks,the only thing soft about them might be that they use soft water,which 5 star hotels sell above the MRP.

+-Come first in something(except being first to reach school).This is something which has evaded me.I never manage to come first in anything(or rather,I forgot the last time,I came first in something).So time to get the aces-4 aces and a joker,will ensure I win.Though the probability is pretty low.

+-Go and visit,every square millimeter of earth.Going on a world tour,has become too common and journey to center of the earth,has already been done.So before Guinness runs out of records,let me create this one.I shall start soon.(Apparently,my great grandfather used to walk everywhere and I want to add to that,no joking, I am serious about this,though this is in the absurd list.)

+-Become the PM/president of the country.I think being a president would be more fun.You know,going on a holiday,when the country is getting bombed,how romantic.PM means,you can get kicked out of office anytime,but no one cares about the president,the roadies wouldn’t know your name nor would the people watching it.

+-Listen to all of Beethoven,Tchaikovsky,Rachmaninoff and other classics.

+- Compose some music.

+- Write an anthem,which would be more popular that another brick in the wall.

+- Build the world’s largest ,tallest,biggest and the best building.I am searching for some land,so if any of you are selling,hold on,let me make some money and i will buy it from you soon.

+- Invent something,anything.Let it be some weird theorem or something super useful like orkut(please don’t tell me you don’t get this one).

+- Make everyone in the world think.By far the most absurd.As long as MTV is what people watch,there is no hope.

+-Make this blog the most read.Hmm…thanks for contributing to this,by reading this far 😀 

+- Write something short.(  🙂  ) 

+- Create a new language.

+- Or at least a world and make it more widely used that fuck.

+- Finish writing takes of thondiraja.

+- Try to remember all the absurd things.

So now I am going to add tags.I am not entirely happy nor are my ardent readers,at me writing such nonsense.But unlike my senselessness grapevine( wouldn’t you all prefer wine?) stories,there is more of heart and thought in this.It should actually be longer,but considering the fact,that I want to eat something,I cut this short.

Now all those of you came here,through a search engine,keep visiting me.I am not capable of cashing in,on the vogue,day in and day out.After all,before pink returns,we might have more people with pink slips and Indians talking without a an American accent(ya,we all know its fake,unless you were born there).

I like this word- macabre.And funnily enough the wordpress spell check,is pointing out that the word blog doesn’t exist,that shouldn’t be happening right,Mark?

And since,this is long enough,to not welcome comments,the post ends here.I shall respond to the comments,on the older posts soon,so don’t leave without commenting!

Just a thought,why do we never begin conversation with good night,like with good morning and good afternoon?

Are Israel’s air stikes right?

December 29, 2008 § 15 Comments

We all condemned the Mumbai terror attacks,but funnily enough,no one in the known blogosphere,has had anything to say about Israel’s air strikes on the Gaza strip.

Just because a few militants launch bombs,is it right to bomb a whole city? Here is some info on the whole issue(it does not include the recent air strikes).

The conditions of people living there,is bad and the people responsible for the attacks are those who do not have the support of the people.And the best part is,none   only few,very few of the people responsible for the rockets were killed.Till now about 307 people have been killed,including children.

As the world celebrated Christmas,those living in Gaza received a terrible gift.

Of course,it was wrong to launch rockets by the militants,but why hurt children and civilians ?Who is the bigger terrorist here? And what does the world do except condemn the attacks? Already the place has no food or proper medical facilities and how are they to handle so many injured and dead? 

This isn’t a war,this is just a brutish crime.This is legal terrorism.But what can we do about it? A few unscrupulous minds act to some baseless virtue and their decisions endanger the people.The UN again seems to be no where.

I do wonder what a child who lost his/her parents in this bombing will do,when he/she grows up? Who can stop the tyrants of war? Is there any democracy in the global village? Does it matter which street you live on? 

This article,sums up what is really happening.

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 1!(spoof)

December 22, 2008 § 14 Comments

Once upon a time,long long ago,well not so long ago,the kingdom of Thondi was ruled by the great king,the magnanimous,the felicity showering philanthropist Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

The reason for the three Rajas preceding his name is the fact that all his forefathers who sat at that crown had the name Thondiraja and he being the fourth ,he had to add his three ancestors name to his.Now it would have been easier to just say Thondiraja the fourth,but being a very superstitious race,they had to consult the temple priest.The priest being a fan of long names,sat down to contemplate the case referred.He knew he the name had to be long,but to call the king anything but thondiraja,would be taken as a kingly sin.So after much thought and endless cups of buttermilk from the royal kitchen,he pretended to consult an almanac and see the distant stars,who at that point,if one had checked could not be seen,thanks to the sun,he came up with the name Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

So upon being crowned on an auspicious day(the astrologers dinner ,5 gold coins,the courtesans for him,another 10 gold coins,the arrangements for the function 100 gold coins,the new jewelery and dress designed by Armani 50 gold coins,advertising during Big brother 25 gold coins,Having SRK and a cat in that ad,15 gold coins but the moment was priceless for him, even though he didn’t have a mastercard,he was the master after all) he entered his palace.

The royal musician,Himesh sang his new song, specially composed for the occasion.The new king,couldn’t stand such atrocious music,he knew the old story that,his father wanted to save the subjects from this fellows torture and so had brought him to the court.He felt a need to do something about this fellow.the Raja,thondi raja,sat on the Italian fur mat,checked the time on his swiss watch and pronounced his first verdict-He would send this wonderful singer,as his gift to the queen of England.He had heard she was cost cutting and had sacked her musicians.He told his right hand minister Chidambaram,to write a letter to the honourable lady vindicating his gift.And so the slyly minister took up his pen(which he had flicked from the treasury) and wrote a 6 yard letter,in such colourful words,that the musician in concern,beamed in pride and almost began to sing again.But some how,they managed to get him out before the cacophony(though the word seems small)began again.

Now having lost a musician and knowing that it would take him sometime to import the Germany technology and the American singers,he was left to contemplate how he would pass his time.Glancing again at his time piece(which he didn’t pay for,it was a gift from a Swiss bank,when he deposited his gold) he decided to summon the court dancer.He clapped his hands twice and a guard appeared.He was about to give him the order,when he noticed that the guard looked familiar.And like a forest fire,it came to him,it was Amir! His favorite star!he got up and jumped so much,that the satellites picked up images of another tsunami(you see he was so fat,er..thondi in tamil means stomach).But the actor,bowed down and asked him with a true panache,what his majesty wanted.And so the exuberant king ordered the actor to explain the reason for him to take such a role.

It was for his next film -guard,he explained.He needed to get initiated to the role.Why he was even sleeping when the king was not watching,he added.the king was flattered.He told the actor to summon the dancer and go back to sleep.
When the noble left handed minister heard this,he felt a tinge of sweat trickled down his made up pink of health brow.He got up and informed the king that the dancer had left for the United States.The king requested for the painter,at least that should throw some hue on his dull mood.And at this,sweating even more the minister informed the king,that the painter had been thrown into some oasis in a desert in the middle east,as the people wanted didn’t like him.

So informed,the king was dejected.His first day in office,was getting worse.he knew that the priest had been a bogus.He needed something to make him feel better…and as his highness was becoming grumpier and grumpier,entered the protagonist,the jester of jesters,Darshel.

The bubbly Darshel along with his aide ,Deepika,were the talk of every household.The lady was the hit,she was capable of performing multiple roles so well,that Darshel,could carry on his non stop nonsense,he could refuse all the awards they gave him or appear in TV,while the lady entertained the king when the ads came on the court channel.

In a supposed to be mesmerizing move,the clown,with an ave,shouted,long live the king,long live the queen with three hundred cart wheels(who told that people have to cut costs and no testing?He still made his own things,after all he still was the horse and no fiat can make him see otherwise).The king then realized what he needed,a Queen!

And so as the realization struck his perfectly combed,no gel,only oiled hair,he got up ,as if the 19000 RPM he was planning to import had already hit him and ordered everyone in the court to,find me ops,him a queen.The court felt the power.They all felt the nudge,the magical touch ,this they knew was the secret behind the royal line,this is what kept even the most neo-clear counties at bay.And so feeling the Intra court power,they all set about,as if they were trying to find information about a terrorists from the neighboring country.

The court website team was contacted and told to place an ad for a queen.The minister himself went on air,in CCB and assured the world,that the kingdom needed a queen.Reassured people across the world,googled the kingdom of Thondi,which till then they didn’t know existed and even those who knew thought was in the middle of the pacific.The various blogs had informative posts on the kingdom and then went on to add how much money was being wasted on a queen hunt.

A few speculated that a Sarah would be the right choice.And the minister himself,informed the king about this…

 

WHAT IS SAMBAR MAGIC? WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Part two tomorrow(if you really really want to read it,if you say no,it will be a no,so vote properly,this is not for a WWE!) 

 

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