sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part-8!(spoof)

March 11, 2009 § 5 Comments

Read part 7 here.

 

The king heard the sage speak out.It was the best speech he had ever heard,not even the home minister was capable of such,not even Obama was capable of such,not even ,not even,the Martian who tried to take over Earth was capable of such,not even ,not even,there was no comparison left, “ha! such wisdom” the king thought to himself.

To others around him,the king seemed lulled like he was watching a 4 hr Hindi movie, like the snake who was charmed in the street corners on some country, like poor people at the hands of corrupt politicians or kids on orkut getting hacked. And all the while ,the king was dreaming of a coup, that someone was talking over his kingdom. 

It struck the poor king,he burst out, ” What do you call a brahmin boy who can write with both his hands? ” 

The sage looked pleased,”ha so the spirits have woken up ,have they” , he said in a deep baritone,as if the moon had flown away. ” I know the answer,to your wit, ‘ ambi-dexterous’ (ambi – boy/man) ..ha ha ha,such wit,welcome to the land of thondi,whom am I speaking to? ” 

” This is the great spirit of thondi raja’s great to the power of 100 grand father,How are you oh! sage,you look as young as you were,when you made Alexander go back! My ,I remember,you were wearing those Chinese silk stuff,when did you change fashion?” 

“OH! I change my fashion,as it comes. My fellows rule the world of fashion you know.You want to go to Milan ,watch a fashion show and play football with Beckham,I have some passes for you.” 

“Ha! no,my time here is short.I am using a Prepaid connection and my we have recession in heaven as well,so before they lock me out,I need to get back. We are asking for a bailout,but since elections are approaching and the parties are busy wasting money on campaign posters and false promises…anyway,This is what I have to say,anyway,oyi, my son,do you hear me? ”

” yes thatha( grand father).”

” On the 5th full moon from today,go and climb the great peak of thondi and stand there,with some of your French wine,Swiss cheese and Thiyirsadham,that day we shall upgrade to the platinum thondi member. Be well dressed ,the special angles will be there and oh! they likes bribes,so have some nice gift handy for him.”

” oh! I shall do as you say thatha,but one problem,I do not take or pay bribes,I have been inspired by bloggers to not do so.I refuse to pay bribes.” 

“Ha! that is sad,make your choice,I have to go,my balance is almost over,my I should change connections,waiting for number portability..bye..”

The king woke up from the trance . He left so fresh, ha he had such wonderful ideas and he got the message,he dutifully recited it,like some sacred hymn,lest he forget it! He left as if he was growing younger by the day,like Benjamin Button…

Suddenly there was a blast and a gunman appeared,he placed the PK-A7 on the kings head and with a wild laugh screamed “Game over”….

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 3!(spoof)

January 9, 2009 § 9 Comments

And the voice on the other end,chirped,”yeeeeyaaa!Thondi raja!You have been selceted to perform in the Thondi Idol!”.The king,went ablaze,he jumped and he danced and started to sing,” Oh,want to have a thondi just  like this? Just eat all you have…oh! want to have a thondi just like this…”,The old man with the beard,gave a “I told you so” smile,whitened,by a secret formula,approved by the shamen and the head priest of thondi.

Ops,if you haven’t read part 2 yet then read it here.

 

The king replied to the voice,”Sure,I am honoured and since I sent away our star singer,Himesh,there is no competition for me,though there is this blogger called Vimal,ha did he qualify?”.

“Yes he did and we would be honoured,if you as the king do the thondi dance,to the song,”thondis don’t lie” “.

Even more delighted,”wow,now I need a partner..,when is it? “.And replied the voice ,all earnest and young ” You have plenty of time,oh!the world record holder for eating the most number of bhadushas(bhadushas are Indian donout,though it should be the other way about.),to put on some weight and get ready for the dance.All the best your highness,TC.”

 

As the call ended,the king turned around and thanked the smiling man with the beard.The man with the beard responded,” This is the secret of  Bush to get elected for the second term,the secret of Paris Hilton,to be so slim and Tony Blair,to lie so much and oh! your highness,this will always keep you fat! You are indeed the pride of thondi! Now I think you should go back,take a pack of Sambar with you.

“I will  also teach you the code to return here,but remember this is not web 2.0,no twitter,no stumble,no orkut,no facebook,just keep it to yourself,keep saying it until,you know it like the moves of your favorite heroine or like a kid who watched DD in the 90s,knows the dialogues of Mahabaratha and Ramayana”.

“OH! my fine old man,I understand.I will not give it to anyway,least of all NTTV and I will keep the travelling charges out of my books ,my accountant doesn’t know accounts anyway,he learned the trade at PWC and gets a hefty salary,anyway he is busy, he is appearing as a market analyst in one of those channels called NTTV Loss.And some how,the KTIAA(Kingdom of Thondi Accountants Association) don’t know what to do with him.I could have him thrown to the lions,but unfortunately,the lions,seem to be influenced by our Health minister,maybe,I should make the Rambodoc,from the wonderful blogging world,as the health minsiter.”

“Oh!king whatever.It is time to go.” The man with the beard, then again placed a stone,measured his steps,compained and hit the Ronaldo style free kick.The stone feel into the Magical Sambar river and they were back.

And as they came out of the forest,a guard came running,” Breaking news oh! king,Sathyam boss,just quit.It seems he had doctored the books.”

 “Ha,you fine young man”,the king patted the man on his shoulder,”it is late news,if you want the full story,start blogging,as it is ,you don’t do any work,except,taking bribes from the beggars,to keep the big guards away.I tell you go,I will give you some money,eat ,get a thondi,don’t cheat and read blogs all day long.Otherwise,I will soon start being the “sources within” for the NEWS channels.”

“Oh!king,I am sorry,no,I do blog,but the feeds arrived a little late.Rather I was watching videos on youtube and forgot all about blogging.”

“Ha ,I am feeling hungry,run along”. The king turned to the minsiter who had arrived.”What happened to the Israel bombings?” 

The minister hesitated and confessed,”My brain was struck!”.

The king laughed out loud and beamed,” LOL,now that is a good minister.What a country,no wonder,we have pertol workers going on a strike etc.If we have such wonderful ministers!Now,you are going to get stuck,I am going to send you to the rehab,no comupters for five months.And remember to shave your hair.Of course we will give you a chalk.”

And so the king walked along,majestic as always.He took out his PDA(again gifted).And grunted,”Ha,this Microsoft,it is always getting hung.I thought they didn’t have capital punishments.”And at that moment,an apple,feel from the sky..

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