Interview with a bear,Ops the bear!

February 19, 2009 § 11 Comments

From misc2

I was browsing through my photos and then came across this one. I quickly searched my blog posts to see if I had posted this interview and I was shocked to find I hadn’t.Such a crime!  I had of course posted him,but what about the conversation? Well I would to my best extent try to have another conversation with this fellow here 🙂 

Me:- Good Night, Mr.bear how do you do? 

Mr.Bear:-Oh! better than in the wild.You know,all the ice is melting away,I saw my bro yesterday in Animal Planet while you were asleep,my, he is suffering.

Me:-True,it is bad..but then we humans have better things to fight over,life discrimination ,equality etc..we are having trouble saving ourselves,let alone other creatures..

Mr.bear:- Well why not put a big AC for us then? And ya I saw your news channels too,my you do sleep a lot! Your kind has no sense,we too fight but not by blowing our kids insides out,just because one is a girl! You guys don’t even know how to respect each other..you don’t gift others any fish,you all are just fishy!

Me:- That is rather bold and what is it that I sleep a lot? You are the one who sleeps for months together..Cold storage!

Mr.bear:-Oh ya? Well well,you are just as human as any other human..now you know ,I can sue in court? Only thing ,the lawyers are demanding too much money,they claim it is easier to buy justice and even Citibank has come up this scheme to help it improve its profit-they have this system where the money gets transferred from any account to another without any one knowing,not even they know…apparently,all these days they were testing it ,they gave it to the CEOs in US.

(note :- I realize only now,that he knew about the recent events even before it hit the main stream media!)

me:-Wow! Bear! Where did you learn all that?  I mean I thought you were just another little brown bear,but my even Teddy should be proud of you! Where did you get all these information? 

Mr.Bear:-OH! my sources keep updating me..I am just hiding here,because I am their  in the most wanted list..they want me to run the world,in fact they wanted me to become the president of the world,ops US,but then I refused..

me:-My,you are such a celebrity! I am honoured to have you here..how did you land up in my cousins hands ?

Mr.bear:-Ya well I was running away from the media..you know how it is down there in the Antarctic,all those penguins and seals,we used to eat them,but then they grew wise and decided to join the media.So if we kill them,they flash across the ice,”Bears kill free media and freedom of expression’…and all the while you dumb humans are killing us all..

me:-Wow! Guess that is what is happening here..they scream at us and blah blah! But the real fellows just stud them with bullets and knifes and even kill us civilians in the name of someone in the sky,sad..I thought media was the fourth estate,but they seem to be good enough just to report about some bad real estate markets..

Mr.bear:-Oh! ya that was clever of you..ya I understand,they keep telling  that we bears take up too much territory and all the while,the ice bergs are taking a chilling dip! Can you on the AC? The hole is only getting bigger,soon Tiger better start teeing from the Berumda Triangle for the hole in Ozone..

Me:- you follow Golf? Wow! you are very very well educated..And a business man too…you were telling me how you landed up here..

Mr.bear:-Oh! ya,I dived in and guess what,I landed on top of a Nuke Sub,which someone was trying to sneak in…I landed up in the states,where a brat in LA took me and thought I was cute,he took me on a trip to Singapore there I got down and landed up in ur Cozs hands..

Me:- Such an eventful life,no wonder you keep sleeping..any idea of coming out of hiding soon? 

Mr.bear:- No not yet..I am having a new media protection suit developed in my secret lab.They are testing it on Osama if he doesn’t get caught,then they will take it away from me and I will use it…

Me:- now that is bad,you selfish bear! I am going to expose you..

And after that i forgot what happened..I think he wiped my memory,that is why it has taken me so long to remember.. *sigh,will get to interviewing him soon now that I remember…updates soon

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

January 28, 2009 § 13 Comments

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? ”

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? ”

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! ”

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well  I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”


 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

 “SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

 “Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka! I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? ”

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

An award

January 24, 2009 § 17 Comments

Well Apar has given me this award( 🙂 🙂 🙂 8) 🙂 🙂 🙂 ) . The rules of this tag are(Copied from her blog):-

  • Display the Award in your page – √
  • Award them to your favourite commentators – √
  • Ask them to forward it to their favourite commentators ( oh yeah those awarded below…please do pass it forward!! ) ) …so √
  • And don’t forget to link their page to their names – √

  So this is the award which I have been waiting for a long 🙂 We all write here,so that others would comment on them. And there are those people,whose comments you wait for,before thinking of the next post,so here goes:-

Reema(whether is a “phew!” or pointing out mistakes,she always comments 🙂 ) 

Raj(from simple 😆 to long comments,his comments always make me smile or introspect on the elements of my posts. 🙂 )

Nita(LOL,I always pass on awards to you{can’t help it} as she wrote in her blogs long ago,she comments only on posts which she has to say something about,so when she comments,I do know,that I wrote something which gave her something to comment on(:-?)  )

Paul( Its been a long time.He cannot comment as often as others,but his comments whenever he comment make me think.)

Destination Infinity( Again a person whose comments make me think.)

Pria ( on of the oldest reader’s of my blog,she writes well too).

So thats six from the blogging world.I would also like to give this to Jay Leno( I like the first part’s of his show where he makes fun( :P) of the news makers and well a few interviews as well(if I know the person who is being interviewed).

Andy Gray(A football commentator at SkySports.I love the way he does his job).

Barack Obama( no I don’t read the blog,but more for the few speeches of his,I have heard). 

Congrats everyone 🙂

 

P.S : I haven’t replied to the comments on the previous post,will do it soon 🙂

Democracy,majority, India and the world

January 23, 2009 § 16 Comments

 

Its no more Barack H Obama,it is president Barack H Obama. So there we have it,like everyone else around the world,I too was glued to the T.V. ,as arguably the world’s most powerful office was taken over by a man who promises much.And as a prelude to what we might expect, he stopped a trail in Guantanmo Bay and is all set to close it.

Solilo rasied a few interesting points about our democracy and this was my comment:-

 

I like this post,my view about our country is simple
-our constitution is the third epic we have given to the world,after mahabaratha and ramayana.
-democracy is the biggest hypocrisy.Not that I am communist either,in fact democracy seems better of the two devils.The fact is only we “educated” people bother about all this,for the farmer,if he gets free T.V,he doesn’t realize he has to pay more bribes,or maybe they are used to it,like we are paying to cops etc..
-having a single person seems more dangerous,see what Bush did..
-whats the solution now? proper democracy? ya right and how are we ever going to bring out fair play? maybe give a fair play award,like FIFA does in every world cup..simple the cup would be sold..

I know I sound rather cynical and pessimistic,but then seriously we need people who are dedicated.The talk about how we were united during freedom struggle is all fine,we knew the face of the “enemy” but now we don’t.Not just as a state,but as the “global village”.

 

So continuing from where i left,I have never really thought of democracy as what Mr.Lincoln said -of the people,by the people,for the people. 

Basically “people ” here would mean the majority. Now how do we know that the majority is right? If majority is always right,then how did we end up with a Bush? And it was funny seeing Americans themselves almost booing Bush. So is majority always right? 

There is a saying in Tamil “Makal theeirpa makesan theeirpa” or “the people’s judgement,is God’s judgement”.I am sure there is a saying to that effect in every language. But past the romanticism of such sayings,throughout history we have seen people’s judgement as a society, not being “sane” shall we say.

The fact remains that society is a summation of individuals.Now most individuals are gullible(not enough integrity,I would say,Et tu Brute?),so if one person can harangue their belief to the masses,something like Antony did,then we are left with a judgement of one person .Without trying to digress into the merits of Brutus’ actions(after all under the statue it was,right?) ,what we do know,is that the crowd is always willing to jump on to boat with more gold.Nothing is more emphatic than bribing people for votes.

There are so many things,which we have to accept as a part of society,de reguiuer more than anything else. Yet we teach kids(I am  still  a kid) to be truthful,be honest etc, the most blasphemous thing about it is blackmail( it is blackmail ) -“God will poke your eye.” As a kid,growing up,I thought for a long time,adults as those who have values,kids are the ones who are frivolous as they don’t get the seriousness of life(blah blah blah{my am I falling in love with BODMAS?}) and when I did realize that adults are the ones who really a rope around the foot,it was some sort of revelation.

Majority isn’t always right. It seems a very mean conclusion to arrive at,particularly seeing the things majority dream about. For all the talk of majority wins, it actually took a single individual to get us (allegedly) independence.Yes,there were a lot of others,but they all were (to eulogize)a force,yet not too big enough. While Munna Bhai might be standing elections and making a few promiscuous statement about family names, we are still voting for the better devil.

And devils being devils ,have a set formula. Say you get this and that.Unity or communalism ,democracy or the thumb rule. The manifesto the “leaders” deliver,seems to be a mirror,they reflect what the people want to hear,yet they are painted behind.We are a nation which dreams about unity,about a social equity,yet it is easier for a criminal to hold a seat,in the highest house,while for others to hold on to their houses seems difficult.

The majority of us,don’t want wars or torture.Now try telling that to Taliban or Israel ? Are we trying to sell something here,which no one will buy? Or should we coat it with oil or stud with diamonds which they anyway have? 

Questioning the human standard of “goodness” is what all we “good” people do.Yet beyond the first question,we have never travelled,now I do wonder,if we “good” were to choose a leader who would it be?

There is the concept of “mixing it” in football.Where in you just don’t play pretty passing game,you put in a few hard tackles and may be even break a couple of foot.But aren’t we supposed to be breaking the foot of the common enemy? Now the common enemy team,lets say are these :-

Terrorism:-Well my views are very clear about terrorism

From photoshopped

Corruption:-

From photoshopped

Politicians and their divide and rule policy:-

From photoshopped

Poverty:-

From photoshopped

Illiteracy:-

From photoshopped

I am tempted to add religion but abstained(immaculate) from it.Mainly because,it is the root.I don’t consider it as a social problem,it is something far wider,it is in the mind,a psychological problem,no one would ever in the name of God or in the name of not believing(we are a nation of Hindus,Muslims,Christians,Sikhs,Parsis, Buddhists and non-believers )in it commit atrocities which violate every sense of pride an animal has.

So these evils we need to throw a few hard tackles at.Yet what is the problem? It is their method for one thing(fire for fire maybe?) and we are too humane to consider hurting them.And end of the day,we are happy to live our lives(nothing wrong in that,only thing we might get affected someday ).

The only reason why Israel bombs Gaza is because Gaza has no nuclear weapons,same thing with Iraq and Afghanistan,now why then Afghanistan’s neighbor not bombed? Simple,even though they brew the Taliban mix,they have nuclear bombs, Blackmail. So where is freedom and democracy ?

I am not far from the truth,when I say,equity is still a dream and will always be a dream for the society.The more globalised we become,the more we would tend to discriminate:-

A good example are the reservation policies, it is not about each one according to your worth,oh! no it is all about which caste you belong to! And oh! whats the preamble again?

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political;
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.

Hypocrisy ? Good enough,isn’t it.Well it is an epic as I said. We  find the government doing work against all this.But what I should appreciate is that if I were in a communist country I would not even be allowed to write this. So much for my two paise of freedom. I live in a large Metro and one of the country’s safest,I have no clue of communal violence except what I read and see on T.V. I will proudly say,my city is one in which communal violence will not boil out.

So back to the whole issue of majority.When the parties try to sell positions in the country,how far are we from the old situation?What are the virtues and what are the vices? The ban against Smoking,hasn;t gone anywhere. Nor has U.N. done anything great about human rights situation(OMG! UN? WHATS THAT?) in many countries.

 

 

From photoshopped

 

The leaders and whom so ever it is gain power,thanks to support.So as a society we need to do something( not watch NDTV and send SMSes and comments). Whatever system arises,there will be some problems which arise,as the aces dealt are equal(wow! something is fair!) to all.The fiends ,will grow along,but we need to grow faster than them.We need to evolve into something they can’t catch.And at doing all this,we need to do it in a way,which our “inner voice” will agree. When we choose someone,we need to know what they do.Maybe instead of the budget,the government should publish the cash flow for each project it undertakes.Maybe,we educated need to stand up and take control. In times when we are moving into the age of intelligence, a person who is still stuck with medieval ideas can do no good. And without pointing fingers,what we will have to do is,take up the onus and try to initiate a change. 

And to change, it is the children(nurture) whom we can start it with.The terrorists have learned it well.We should make sure,that the poor kids learn values which do the world good. We need to stop war,as all it does is cause more anger,when an action is so sever ,what about the reaction? We need people with the same standards.

President Obama seems to be the person, but I am not that sure others are going to cooperate. 

Lets hope for the best.

From photoshopped

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 4!(spoof)

January 21, 2009 § 10 Comments

Read part3 here.

 

And the apple hit the king’s head.The king was propelled into a headtrip,the sun turned blue,the guards started singing like Britney and the minister’s clothes turned pink and a medieval slum from some where,appeared.

The king was confused.How can an apple,have this effect? He felt miserable,so miserable that he decided to watch CC2C .He claped his hand and with a sparrow appeared Jack Sparrow he was called. ” Where am I? Get me CC2C,ha macabre,pirate,monkeys don’t eat meat! Where is the pirated DVD? ” 

“Oh!King the pirates of Somalia have seized it!”

“What thou too Jack? And what happened to your compass? ”

“Oh!desperate times sire,had to sell it,thanks to the depression!American’s have reduced imports!”

“OH! how bad can this get? A painted king,upon a painted pink? This is insanity,my I do wonder how Newton got along,maybe thats why he decided to think of far more romantic things like the moon and going in circles..”

“What ,no don’t dream…er..your thondiness..wait…We do have RBDJ,SRK you know…”

“No,no I need a jodi for thondi Idol..I liked that Pinto lady,in Slumdog…ha Why do they call it hot dog,when it doesn’t have a dog?”

A dolrum ,the king heard.It seemed to be screaming,give the king sambar,give the king sambar.

“Ha Jack,get me some sambar!”

“Sambar? Nothing ..i ain’t know anything like that mate..hmm..King!”

And in a world of his own,the king broke down to a song,much like a drunken thief on a drowning island.The people around him were troubled.Who would give their bonus and other incentives and those long meals at Taj,gateway to thondi? And the king didn’t have a sun..er..son yet! Something needed to be done.

Someone came running,it was a pretty girl.Ha modest,cute,but she seemed foreign .

“Oh! men of virtues old and new!” She began,” those who have taken the pledge to be corrupt and thus make sure your future is safe!I know the solution!” 

“HA! my lady,who are you doesn’t matter,all that matters is you help our king,name your price!” After all he looked local enough,demanding and all.

” First let me make the king calm,datacalm…”

And she went to the dissembled king and bowed,as if he was an statue which crows graced and then said an incantation,”Zuka zuka zukiii zuk…zukier zuk zahir zak zaki zakkiiii zakoki zakim zakiw zakique “(censored as it is top secret).

The king became calm,as calm as a person who informs the world,he is a fraud and they can’t do anything,as they don’t know his Swill bank Pin code.

She turned around.”It is the curse,but once I break,the king will be enlightened.He shall solve all the problems.And for that very reason,we need protection,so that no terrorist comes in his way and forces him to create more weapons of mass destruction.And now price…

“All of you get out of here.”

The minister argued,”but we cannot,we need to ensure his safety.”

“See I am not wearing any shoes,so I shall not throw any at him.I do not have planes,so I won’t bomb him.I do not have any Polonium so I will not poison him.So if you won’t your king,get out, or I am going to…”

And without any other choice and considering their unfortunate circumstances,the guards and the ministers left.

The lady took out a mirror,placed it on the calm king’s head.Punched his big stomach thrice and  hailed the lords of Thondi and smashed the mirror much like the ancient custom.The mirrorcracked .The king fell down. Everything became silent.Silence prevailed.AS calm as the world was when Obama took the pledge,but of course there was no one taking a pledge. Divorces in the US weren’t fought,as the judge was stunned how his wig became black,no one was bumped ,even Israel decided to call a cease fire and no Viva voce took place for that wonderful moment.

The Gods seemed to be watching,the spirits of thondi,came about and blessed,their progeny,lest he be condemned to celibacy.A new spirit descended into the king.He came to know that all this was the work of the Sambar,the sambar magic!He woke up,slowly,he took in the world and the lass.He was struck by her beauty,but unlike some desperate teenager,he smiled ruefully,cleaned with the latest product from Tollgate.

The world began to breath easy.The king got up,the lady got up,they kissed,their souls met,unpolluted,the factories didn’t run as the employees were on a strike,the roads were clean,as the bus drivers were on strike. The birds chirped,the flowers bloomed,the sea dashed of L’oreal’s latest water colour,marriage’s are made in heaven,kisses are made with lips…Quid pro quo.

They watched the sun set into the far off beach,Sambar magic was working,the king felt as fat as ever.

Elections,news and woods

November 5, 2008 § 16 Comments

From photoshopped
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