March 11, 2009 § 5 Comments
The king heard the sage speak out.It was the best speech he had ever heard,not even the home minister was capable of such,not even Obama was capable of such,not even ,not even,the Martian who tried to take over Earth was capable of such,not even ,not even,there was no comparison left, “ha! such wisdom” the king thought to himself.
To others around him,the king seemed lulled like he was watching a 4 hr Hindi movie, like the snake who was charmed in the street corners on some country, like poor people at the hands of corrupt politicians or kids on orkut getting hacked. And all the while ,the king was dreaming of a coup, that someone was talking over his kingdom.
It struck the poor king,he burst out, ” What do you call a brahmin boy who can write with both his hands? ”
The sage looked pleased,”ha so the spirits have woken up ,have they” , he said in a deep baritone,as if the moon had flown away. ” I know the answer,to your wit, ‘ ambi-dexterous’ (ambi – boy/man) ..ha ha ha,such wit,welcome to the land of thondi,whom am I speaking to? ”
” This is the great spirit of thondi raja’s great to the power of 100 grand father,How are you oh! sage,you look as young as you were,when you made Alexander go back! My ,I remember,you were wearing those Chinese silk stuff,when did you change fashion?”
“OH! I change my fashion,as it comes. My fellows rule the world of fashion you know.You want to go to Milan ,watch a fashion show and play football with Beckham,I have some passes for you.”
“Ha! no,my time here is short.I am using a Prepaid connection and my we have recession in heaven as well,so before they lock me out,I need to get back. We are asking for a bailout,but since elections are approaching and the parties are busy wasting money on campaign posters and false promises…anyway,This is what I have to say,anyway,oyi, my son,do you hear me? ”
” yes thatha( grand father).”
” On the 5th full moon from today,go and climb the great peak of thondi and stand there,with some of your French wine,Swiss cheese and Thiyirsadham,that day we shall upgrade to the platinum thondi member. Be well dressed ,the special angles will be there and oh! they likes bribes,so have some nice gift handy for him.”
” oh! I shall do as you say thatha,but one problem,I do not take or pay bribes,I have been inspired by bloggers to not do so.I refuse to pay bribes.”
“Ha! that is sad,make your choice,I have to go,my balance is almost over,my I should change connections,waiting for number portability..bye..”
The king woke up from the trance . He left so fresh, ha he had such wonderful ideas and he got the message,he dutifully recited it,like some sacred hymn,lest he forget it! He left as if he was growing younger by the day,like Benjamin Button…
Suddenly there was a blast and a gunman appeared,he placed the PK-A7 on the kings head and with a wild laugh screamed “Game over”….
February 7, 2009 § 10 Comments
And the computer crashed! The king got irritated and was about to blow up,but something struck him!He looked beyond that which is seen-The OS was vista and yes it lived up to its name! If you want something search it out! Such divine revelation! Maybe that is why he opened the gates and ran out and made lots of bills! Ha and so the king set about preparing the trip.
But before any packing,he needed to eat.He took out his mobile and called the wonderful home minsiter.The minister barked into the phone,
” And yes we are facing problems! But law wasn’t written in a day! It took more than two years to write,word by word,issue by issue,problem by problem! Just read the fine print! You guys missed out the star! –Conditions apply!”
The king took in a couple of deep breaths and in a icy voice replied,
“My fine sir! If only life can be made fair,by using a fairness cream! Now this is your king here.I do appreciate your preparations for the world human rights day summit,but if you want to hold on to your stars,better get into that ferrari of yours and be here and if you don’t I will have that head of yours and that branded spectacles chopped like interest rates!”
And the minister in a mocking tone replied,
” Oh! Sire,but pardon me! I shall be there! I was preparing for the call in programme, evidently they want human rights unplugged! In fact they are giving world leaders free calls! Its about tigers you see and men with beards,you see! I shall be there!”
And the phone went dead.Ha but the king forgot to tell him to bring him food! He dialed again-
“All lines are currently busy,please dial later!”
“Oh! by my great thondi!” The thondiraja blew,”what is this! ”
And the power went out.Even as the generators were switched on,the king’s face turned white! But just as a major explotion was about to take place as if someone was testing nuclear weapons under the bed of a ill leader,the home minister ran home!The pace at which he did run,was amazing!If the olympic sprinters were to run without steriods then this would be it!
The miniter went on his knees and apologised! There can be no doubt,this was true culture! This cooled the king,like a beer from a bar in Mad-lur!
“Chiao! Cheeks ! Thats polite ! I am pleased,but now get up,If you want to get married,go to Mad-lur or Bad-lur and sit in a park on fourteenth of this month with a girl! Cheap and easy! the media will also be there! I will gift you a saffron colour ice cream! My such social service! And oh! Remember to wear the Levi jeans and the miss…who ever it is,that pink,Venus’ short shirts! ”
beliwered the minister answered
” But I am already a married man! ”
” Then get up and get me something to eat! I shall be going for a hike! So I will not be here for a while! Now remember to check the date on all invitations for thondi idol! Oh! And please avoid bad translation! I don’t want people to think this is any other show! IT IS THE IDOL show! Why even Jackson wants to take part! Too bad he isn’t a citizen of Thondi! And don’t forget to forget sending an invitation to Himesh! Let him stay there and sing for the queen! And remember to create some problem or the other everyday or I will be penalized by the news channels and remember to check that the proper diet is served for the children of thondi! ”
And the king took a breath but before he could resume,the minister ran, now more like a sprinter on steriods to fetch the food! He had never heard the king so unhumourous! If only it was the economy ,he could bail it out!
The king now left alone,he tried to on the comp,he pressed and pressed it,nothing happened….until in rage he kicked it,with the Ronaldo technique! And boom! He was suddenly in the Sambar world! But at a different place…Now wait a minute it seemed to make some sense..
“SMSes are short,
MNS is a blot,
Businesses are caught,
Seats are bought,
Time for a simple thought,
You voice shall play a part,
But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”
But his voice,he was no sage with a mouth in his foot! He didn’t SMS anyone did he, he took out his mobile again and to his surprise he found that he had a message in his inbox,
“This V day free massage for you and your other half at 50% discount! Hurry limited offer!”
“Ha pity, will this lead to him finding his better half! Ha this Sambar,it is crazy! Like a croc in a T.V. ad ! Now he needed to find a blot. But he realzied that million dollar pens don’t blot nor does anyone in the state of Thondi own a decent leaky parker! The poorest man was..poor? That was never heard of in thondi,where will he get this pen!”
He thought and began to take a stroll…His sudddenly turned around and saw a dog following him.No this was not a gift from his mobile network to follow him everywhere! This was no voota-phone(voota -borken) ,something caught his attention,he started closing in on the dog.The Dog seeing such a huge figure coming close to it,turned and began to run!
The great big fat,Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja ran.It was a sight to behold,a mark in history! Something which obese children will read in the future and get inspired by,he started spriting like Captain VJkanth ,this was what the doctor..er…sage ordered for..
December 22, 2008 § 14 Comments
Once upon a time,long long ago,well not so long ago,the kingdom of Thondi was ruled by the great king,the magnanimous,the felicity showering philanthropist Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.
The reason for the three Rajas preceding his name is the fact that all his forefathers who sat at that crown had the name Thondiraja and he being the fourth ,he had to add his three ancestors name to his.Now it would have been easier to just say Thondiraja the fourth,but being a very superstitious race,they had to consult the temple priest.The priest being a fan of long names,sat down to contemplate the case referred.He knew he the name had to be long,but to call the king anything but thondiraja,would be taken as a kingly sin.So after much thought and endless cups of buttermilk from the royal kitchen,he pretended to consult an almanac and see the distant stars,who at that point,if one had checked could not be seen,thanks to the sun,he came up with the name Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.
So upon being crowned on an auspicious day(the astrologers dinner ,5 gold coins,the courtesans for him,another 10 gold coins,the arrangements for the function 100 gold coins,the new jewelery and dress designed by Armani 50 gold coins,advertising during Big brother 25 gold coins,Having SRK and a cat in that ad,15 gold coins but the moment was priceless for him, even though he didn’t have a mastercard,he was the master after all) he entered his palace.
The royal musician,Himesh sang his new song, specially composed for the occasion.The new king,couldn’t stand such atrocious music,he knew the old story that,his father wanted to save the subjects from this fellows torture and so had brought him to the court.He felt a need to do something about this fellow.the Raja,thondi raja,sat on the Italian fur mat,checked the time on his swiss watch and pronounced his first verdict-He would send this wonderful singer,as his gift to the queen of England.He had heard she was cost cutting and had sacked her musicians.He told his right hand minister Chidambaram,to write a letter to the honourable lady vindicating his gift.And so the slyly minister took up his pen(which he had flicked from the treasury) and wrote a 6 yard letter,in such colourful words,that the musician in concern,beamed in pride and almost began to sing again.But some how,they managed to get him out before the cacophony(though the word seems small)began again.
Now having lost a musician and knowing that it would take him sometime to import the Germany technology and the American singers,he was left to contemplate how he would pass his time.Glancing again at his time piece(which he didn’t pay for,it was a gift from a Swiss bank,when he deposited his gold) he decided to summon the court dancer.He clapped his hands twice and a guard appeared.He was about to give him the order,when he noticed that the guard looked familiar.And like a forest fire,it came to him,it was Amir! His favorite star!he got up and jumped so much,that the satellites picked up images of another tsunami(you see he was so fat,er..thondi in tamil means stomach).But the actor,bowed down and asked him with a true panache,what his majesty wanted.And so the exuberant king ordered the actor to explain the reason for him to take such a role.
It was for his next film -guard,he explained.He needed to get initiated to the role.Why he was even sleeping when the king was not watching,he added.the king was flattered.He told the actor to summon the dancer and go back to sleep.
When the noble left handed minister heard this,he felt a tinge of sweat trickled down his made up pink of health brow.He got up and informed the king that the dancer had left for the United States.The king requested for the painter,at least that should throw some hue on his dull mood.And at this,sweating even more the minister informed the king,that the painter had been thrown into some oasis in a desert in the middle east,as the people wanted didn’t like him.
So informed,the king was dejected.His first day in office,was getting worse.he knew that the priest had been a bogus.He needed something to make him feel better…and as his highness was becoming grumpier and grumpier,entered the protagonist,the jester of jesters,Darshel.
The bubbly Darshel along with his aide ,Deepika,were the talk of every household.The lady was the hit,she was capable of performing multiple roles so well,that Darshel,could carry on his non stop nonsense,he could refuse all the awards they gave him or appear in TV,while the lady entertained the king when the ads came on the court channel.
In a supposed to be mesmerizing move,the clown,with an ave,shouted,long live the king,long live the queen with three hundred cart wheels(who told that people have to cut costs and no testing?He still made his own things,after all he still was the horse and no fiat can make him see otherwise).The king then realized what he needed,a Queen!
And so as the realization struck his perfectly combed,no gel,only oiled hair,he got up ,as if the 19000 RPM he was planning to import had already hit him and ordered everyone in the court to,find me ops,him a queen.The court felt the power.They all felt the nudge,the magical touch ,this they knew was the secret behind the royal line,this is what kept even the most neo-clear counties at bay.And so feeling the Intra court power,they all set about,as if they were trying to find information about a terrorists from the neighboring country.
The court website team was contacted and told to place an ad for a queen.The minister himself went on air,in CCB and assured the world,that the kingdom needed a queen.Reassured people across the world,googled the kingdom of Thondi,which till then they didn’t know existed and even those who knew thought was in the middle of the pacific.The various blogs had informative posts on the kingdom and then went on to add how much money was being wasted on a queen hunt.
A few speculated that a Sarah would be the right choice.And the minister himself,informed the king about this…
WHAT IS SAMBAR MAGIC? WAIT TO FIND OUT!
Part two tomorrow(if you really really want to read it,if you say no,it will be a no,so vote properly,this is not for a WWE!)
December 13, 2008 § 22 Comments
Ya this will be the breaking news ,so i warn you,don’t go near the TV 😛 Ms.Russia won the competition ,India runner up.
And the Mallu’s have it to celebrate again(no offense,but you people do claim that there is a Mallu in every corner of the world and so it is proved again ),Parvathy Omanakuttan it is.Googling a bit,This is what i found out about her from here (please go to the original website,read and come back :P)
Parvathy grew up in `The economic capital of India`, Mumbai. India is one oldest yet one of the youngest of nations as it celebrates its 61st year of independence. Having graduated in Arts, Parvathy has studied Sociology, Psychology & English Literature, her ambition is to further her studies in Psychology to learn more about human behaviour in depth. Leisure and sporting interests are: a special talent for whistling; listening to music; singing; reading; glass painting; basketball; badminton; swimming; acting; modelling: dancing (varying from local dances to learning ballroom and Latin dances); and learning new languages. Best of all Paryathy loves her mothers cooking, but she does like to try different cuisines from all over the world. She is also very fond of a beautiful quote by a former President of India, Dr Abdul Kalam `Dreams are not what you see in your sleep, but dreams are that, which do not allow you to sleep`, hence her motto in life is `Dream with your eyes open`.
The winner’s name is Kseniya Sukhinova.And the third place to miss Trinadad and Tobago came third.Great, I have no clue I was watching the whole thing and no clue as to why I am writing this post at all.Ha well they all did look pretty.No photos here,what is google for?The news channels have started it I guess.Anyway,sociology,psychology and literature,thats a lot of studying…
-X back to doing maths X-
December 11, 2008 § 18 Comments
Yup a tag after a long,long time,so long that if i were to grow a beard,I would have bagged the role in the next Aamir Khan film.Ha ‘isone is about Movie quirks.Of course i usually avoid all fimly tags,mainly because i don’t watch that many films,so well something different…And this is one from verbivorehere .
Movie quirk :-
1)I go to the theater like once in 6 months or maybe twice.And the best part is,if we as a family are to go,we decide to books the tickets on the eve of the show.And well sathyam always has no tickets left for us.For the shoelace movie,we managed to book 2 tickets online,then as a quick fix,my called up the theater people and told “her kids,who are very small cannot miss the movie”,so there we had four tickets.
2)Since we do not watch movies at the theater,it means we get the DVD from rental a rental shop.So we get the usual pop corn and other snacks and watch the movie at home.This gives us the freedom to make fun of the movie,or in my case ROFL /kicking the football around,if the movie is boring.
3)I like to watch Aamir Khan’s,Kamal Hassan’s,Jonny Depp’s and Will Smith’s and Jackie’smovies.Their movies have some sense in them and the acting usually is good.Of course you can add Heath Ledger but his books are closed already.
4)Tamil movies are the limit.Bollywood is no match.The movies are so horrible and the stunts so amazingly,as we say in Tamil,”kadula poo”(flower on the ear…er…hope you get what i mean).
5)Frankly the heroines just can’t act.Well at least one of them can’t Katrina Kaif,I think,she and her that Akshaya Kumar,are ugh!..And In kollywood,well they at least do some acting.
6) When i see a good character in a movie,I try to think,how i would have done the role.
7)I can’t understand Hindi,but it is improving by the day.
8) Whatever…I am bored…i don’t see the point in senseless movies…I like movies like The dark Knight,where there is good a cting,like Pirates of the Cariabbean,where the story is inspiring,like Taree Zamine Par,Goal,which again has a good story line,Anbe shivam,The pianist,Dashavatharam etc.I hate the boring old,boy likes girl stories,I always wonder if gravity,fainted while watching such films..
9) I like nice songs.There have been a few amazing.Also I feel Tamil cinemas should have subscripts.There are a few amazing movies,which are well,awesome.And funnily enough they mostly are Kamal’s.
Anyway,I don’t really like to discuss movies,will rather prefer football…And ya passing this on…hmm…if you are bored or haven’t done a tag in a while,you are welcome to do it…ha one person has to do this though,Nikhil.