The absurd list(its not just another list)

January 2, 2009 § 19 Comments

I have never been made any new year resolutions,after all isn’t it better to get to the solution at the first attempt then the re-solution? Hmm..does sound like a whole bunch of nonsense,but the title gurantees abusrdity,to the Nth degree of an indefinite line(whatever that is).So let me make this wonderful list,which made a sally and haunted me,till I resolved to write this post.

And since this is absurd,don’t factor in time here.The probability of these things,is perfectly elasitic (or inelastic) ,i.e.,one/all of the thing mentioned in the list might  happen within the next second(it hasn’t) or when I am senile old man,with false teeth,asking my grandson/great great grand daughter,how to use some new machine,which probably would be made by a guy who flunked LKG.So lets get to this wonderful list.

+- Publish a book.Until recently this found a place in the to do list.I moved it out (into this list) ,after reading a few famous books.While it is possible for any Ramaswami/Sighania/Tom who happens to write about some “teeny” love story to sell,what i write will never sell,unless,I grow a beard and have a six pack or a big belly.

+- Play football for Arsenal/Barca/Wolfsburg.Not that I would turn down an offer from some other club.But these are my favs in the respective leagues.But considering the fact that 16 years in the age at which most Arsenal player’s start their carrer,I am too old.So that leaves Barca and Wolfsburg.One has too many good players and the other,hmm…I just don’t speak German(nor Spanish).So there ends my football millions before my first Nike deal(please buy the shirt with my name and #7 or #9 on it).

+-Make a movie with Jonny Depp,Amir Khan and Kamal Hassan with Heath Ledger as the villian( Jack Sparrow shall take us to world’s end to bring back the villain!).The ladies shall be Deepika and Priyanka and for the sake of my wonderful friends Jessica Beil.You will not be able to guess who is Amir,Jonny and Kamal,until the last scene(they will be look alike triplets).So that leaves a female lead short,no there shall be no Pandava style sharing,one of them will find a lady drowning and rescue her(the lady shall be Kamal and the man shall be Kamal,a double roll,he does deserve,after all he did manage to do 10!).

+-Create world peace.If only master card could by world peace.But apparently,they too are going to go bankrupt soon,people came to the conclusion that buying priceless things was the best way to utilize their unlimited credit facility.And of course,thanks to too much of inflation,peas costs are high,that’s why countries use nukes.Or we can use the bottled chemicals aka soft drinks,the only thing soft about them might be that they use soft water,which 5 star hotels sell above the MRP.

+-Come first in something(except being first to reach school).This is something which has evaded me.I never manage to come first in anything(or rather,I forgot the last time,I came first in something).So time to get the aces-4 aces and a joker,will ensure I win.Though the probability is pretty low.

+-Go and visit,every square millimeter of earth.Going on a world tour,has become too common and journey to center of the earth,has already been done.So before Guinness runs out of records,let me create this one.I shall start soon.(Apparently,my great grandfather used to walk everywhere and I want to add to that,no joking, I am serious about this,though this is in the absurd list.)

+-Become the PM/president of the country.I think being a president would be more fun.You know,going on a holiday,when the country is getting bombed,how romantic.PM means,you can get kicked out of office anytime,but no one cares about the president,the roadies wouldn’t know your name nor would the people watching it.

+-Listen to all of Beethoven,Tchaikovsky,Rachmaninoff and other classics.

+- Compose some music.

+- Write an anthem,which would be more popular that another brick in the wall.

+- Build the world’s largest ,tallest,biggest and the best building.I am searching for some land,so if any of you are selling,hold on,let me make some money and i will buy it from you soon.

+- Invent something,anything.Let it be some weird theorem or something super useful like orkut(please don’t tell me you don’t get this one).

+- Make everyone in the world think.By far the most absurd.As long as MTV is what people watch,there is no hope.

+-Make this blog the most read.Hmm…thanks for contributing to this,by reading this far 😀 

+- Write something short.(  🙂  ) 

+- Create a new language.

+- Or at least a world and make it more widely used that fuck.

+- Finish writing takes of thondiraja.

+- Try to remember all the absurd things.

So now I am going to add tags.I am not entirely happy nor are my ardent readers,at me writing such nonsense.But unlike my senselessness grapevine( wouldn’t you all prefer wine?) stories,there is more of heart and thought in this.It should actually be longer,but considering the fact,that I want to eat something,I cut this short.

Now all those of you came here,through a search engine,keep visiting me.I am not capable of cashing in,on the vogue,day in and day out.After all,before pink returns,we might have more people with pink slips and Indians talking without a an American accent(ya,we all know its fake,unless you were born there).

I like this word- macabre.And funnily enough the wordpress spell check,is pointing out that the word blog doesn’t exist,that shouldn’t be happening right,Mark?

And since,this is long enough,to not welcome comments,the post ends here.I shall respond to the comments,on the older posts soon,so don’t leave without commenting!

Just a thought,why do we never begin conversation with good night,like with good morning and good afternoon?

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 1!(spoof)

December 22, 2008 § 14 Comments

Once upon a time,long long ago,well not so long ago,the kingdom of Thondi was ruled by the great king,the magnanimous,the felicity showering philanthropist Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

The reason for the three Rajas preceding his name is the fact that all his forefathers who sat at that crown had the name Thondiraja and he being the fourth ,he had to add his three ancestors name to his.Now it would have been easier to just say Thondiraja the fourth,but being a very superstitious race,they had to consult the temple priest.The priest being a fan of long names,sat down to contemplate the case referred.He knew he the name had to be long,but to call the king anything but thondiraja,would be taken as a kingly sin.So after much thought and endless cups of buttermilk from the royal kitchen,he pretended to consult an almanac and see the distant stars,who at that point,if one had checked could not be seen,thanks to the sun,he came up with the name Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

So upon being crowned on an auspicious day(the astrologers dinner ,5 gold coins,the courtesans for him,another 10 gold coins,the arrangements for the function 100 gold coins,the new jewelery and dress designed by Armani 50 gold coins,advertising during Big brother 25 gold coins,Having SRK and a cat in that ad,15 gold coins but the moment was priceless for him, even though he didn’t have a mastercard,he was the master after all) he entered his palace.

The royal musician,Himesh sang his new song, specially composed for the occasion.The new king,couldn’t stand such atrocious music,he knew the old story that,his father wanted to save the subjects from this fellows torture and so had brought him to the court.He felt a need to do something about this fellow.the Raja,thondi raja,sat on the Italian fur mat,checked the time on his swiss watch and pronounced his first verdict-He would send this wonderful singer,as his gift to the queen of England.He had heard she was cost cutting and had sacked her musicians.He told his right hand minister Chidambaram,to write a letter to the honourable lady vindicating his gift.And so the slyly minister took up his pen(which he had flicked from the treasury) and wrote a 6 yard letter,in such colourful words,that the musician in concern,beamed in pride and almost began to sing again.But some how,they managed to get him out before the cacophony(though the word seems small)began again.

Now having lost a musician and knowing that it would take him sometime to import the Germany technology and the American singers,he was left to contemplate how he would pass his time.Glancing again at his time piece(which he didn’t pay for,it was a gift from a Swiss bank,when he deposited his gold) he decided to summon the court dancer.He clapped his hands twice and a guard appeared.He was about to give him the order,when he noticed that the guard looked familiar.And like a forest fire,it came to him,it was Amir! His favorite star!he got up and jumped so much,that the satellites picked up images of another tsunami(you see he was so fat,er..thondi in tamil means stomach).But the actor,bowed down and asked him with a true panache,what his majesty wanted.And so the exuberant king ordered the actor to explain the reason for him to take such a role.

It was for his next film -guard,he explained.He needed to get initiated to the role.Why he was even sleeping when the king was not watching,he added.the king was flattered.He told the actor to summon the dancer and go back to sleep.
When the noble left handed minister heard this,he felt a tinge of sweat trickled down his made up pink of health brow.He got up and informed the king that the dancer had left for the United States.The king requested for the painter,at least that should throw some hue on his dull mood.And at this,sweating even more the minister informed the king,that the painter had been thrown into some oasis in a desert in the middle east,as the people wanted didn’t like him.

So informed,the king was dejected.His first day in office,was getting worse.he knew that the priest had been a bogus.He needed something to make him feel better…and as his highness was becoming grumpier and grumpier,entered the protagonist,the jester of jesters,Darshel.

The bubbly Darshel along with his aide ,Deepika,were the talk of every household.The lady was the hit,she was capable of performing multiple roles so well,that Darshel,could carry on his non stop nonsense,he could refuse all the awards they gave him or appear in TV,while the lady entertained the king when the ads came on the court channel.

In a supposed to be mesmerizing move,the clown,with an ave,shouted,long live the king,long live the queen with three hundred cart wheels(who told that people have to cut costs and no testing?He still made his own things,after all he still was the horse and no fiat can make him see otherwise).The king then realized what he needed,a Queen!

And so as the realization struck his perfectly combed,no gel,only oiled hair,he got up ,as if the 19000 RPM he was planning to import had already hit him and ordered everyone in the court to,find me ops,him a queen.The court felt the power.They all felt the nudge,the magical touch ,this they knew was the secret behind the royal line,this is what kept even the most neo-clear counties at bay.And so feeling the Intra court power,they all set about,as if they were trying to find information about a terrorists from the neighboring country.

The court website team was contacted and told to place an ad for a queen.The minister himself went on air,in CCB and assured the world,that the kingdom needed a queen.Reassured people across the world,googled the kingdom of Thondi,which till then they didn’t know existed and even those who knew thought was in the middle of the pacific.The various blogs had informative posts on the kingdom and then went on to add how much money was being wasted on a queen hunt.

A few speculated that a Sarah would be the right choice.And the minister himself,informed the king about this…

 

WHAT IS SAMBAR MAGIC? WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Part two tomorrow(if you really really want to read it,if you say no,it will be a no,so vote properly,this is not for a WWE!) 

 

tagged

December 11, 2008 § 18 Comments

Yup a tag after a long,long time,so long that if i were to grow a beard,I would have bagged the role in the next Aamir Khan film.Ha ‘isone is about Movie quirks.Of course i usually avoid all fimly tags,mainly because i don’t watch that many films,so well something different…And this is one from verbivorehere . 

Movie quirk :-

1)I go to the theater like once in 6 months or maybe twice.And the best part is,if we as a family are to go,we decide to books the tickets on the eve of the show.And well sathyam always has no tickets left for us.For the shoelace movie,we managed to book 2 tickets online,then as a quick fix,my called up the theater people and told “her kids,who are very small cannot miss the movie”,so there we had four tickets.

2)Since we do not watch movies at the theater,it means we get the DVD from rental a rental shop.So we get the usual pop corn and other snacks and watch the movie at home.This gives us the freedom to make fun of the movie,or in my case ROFL /kicking the football around,if the movie is boring.

3)I like to watch Aamir Khan’s,Kamal Hassan’s,Jonny Depp’s and Will Smith’s  and Jackie’smovies.Their movies have some sense in them and the acting usually is good.Of course you can add Heath Ledger but his books are closed already.

4)Tamil movies are the limit.Bollywood is no match.The movies are so horrible and the stunts so amazingly,as we say in Tamil,”kadula poo”(flower on the ear…er…hope you get what i mean).

5)Frankly the heroines just can’t act.Well at least one of them can’t Katrina Kaif,I think,she and her that Akshaya Kumar,are ugh!..And In kollywood,well they at least do some acting.

6) When i see a good character in a movie,I try to think,how i would have done the role.

7)I  can’t understand Hindi,but it is improving by the day.

8) Whatever…I am bored…i don’t see the point in senseless movies…I like movies like The dark Knight,where there is good a cting,like Pirates of the Cariabbean,where the story is inspiring,like Taree Zamine Par,Goal,which again has a good story line,Anbe shivam,The pianist,Dashavatharam etc.I hate the boring old,boy likes girl stories,I always wonder if gravity,fainted while watching such films..

9) I like nice songs.There have been a few amazing.Also I feel Tamil cinemas should have subscripts.There are a few amazing movies,which are well,awesome.And funnily enough they mostly are Kamal’s.

 

Anyway,I don’t really like to discuss movies,will rather prefer football…And ya passing this on…hmm…if you are bored or haven’t done a tag in a while,you are welcome to do it…ha one person has to do this though,Nikhil.

Quantum of Solace-movie review

November 9, 2008 § 23 Comments

Image from here.

Someone please kill him! Well yes,he is James Bond alright,but come on how can he escape all those attempts to kill him? Let it be a car chase(the movie starts with Bond driving a Aston Martin in Seina ,chased by the bad guys as usual) or boat banging or the Aeriel  ,none of them can even tickle the guys shoelace!Seriously,Bond makes our wondrous tamil superstars look like mortals!

Daniel Craig  seriously looks old!The actresses are pretty good(ya and well its Bond movie,so he gets the girls).I liked the performance of Olga Kurylenko(who does the role of Camille) the best.

The movie is too fast paced,at times you are left wondering what is going on.There are a lot of “I will shoot and I don’t give a hoot” movies out there and this one is just one among the lot.The only reason why it even has this reception,i feel is because its a Bond movie.Compared to Casino Royale(this is a sequel to it) ,this is bad.
Story:-

Bond is out to seek revenge for the death of Vesper(The lady who dies in Casino Royale) and he meets Camille who it seems is also after the same person.The face of the enemy(it seems) is Dominc Greene( Mathieu Amalric) who heads Greene planet and is a member of the Quantum.He is involved in organising a coupde’tat in Bolivia and all he wants in return is a desert,but why? The Americans too seem to have a finger in the pudding.What on earth is going on? 

What exactly is Greene planet after? What is this Quantum?

Bond Never really gets his revenge.The movie ends with Bond walking away into the night in Russia.Of course Mr.White(whom he manages to capture in the beginning of this movie but manages to escape) is out and Quantum is seems to a mystery.

 

Final word:-

Well if you like Bond,then you might enjoy it.There weren’t many gadgets in this one.It is all about Bond chasing and being chased -cars,boats and planes.As I said ,the movie is too fast paced and it could have been slower.It got monotonous in certain places because I have seen those type of scenes before in other movies.In the next movie at least they should send a bullet through him or get him poisoned (like in Casino Royale).The music was superb,especially the opening song( Another way to die by Alicia Keys and Jack White)The acting was pretty good but still i don’t like Craig.Rowan Atkinson seriously is still better(Jonny English).

rating:-3/5(well after all its a dumb bond movie).

The three capsicums

October 1, 2008 § 12 Comments

From misc3

Once upon a time ,well a short while ago,there existed three capsicums,with whom i had a conversation,just before they were chopped and put on top of a pizza and eaten.So lets get going…(click to expand if you aren’t able to read the text)

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As you can see people!They were fighting too much.So we chopped them up and put them on top of the pizza.I should have known,getting brothers to talk would be this bad.So think the next chat will be with Cheese,so until eat your capsicums!And well i think too much of movie influence in the world today!Veges talking about movies!Wow!And they all are really bad too! *sigh

Wall-e(movie review)

September 30, 2008 § 17 Comments

Humans have polluted earth,so much,that they can’t live here any more.So they leave the planet to itself and go out into space,in a fully robot run space ship.Ops,but they forget to turn off one robot,Wall-e.700 years later,they send another robot,called eve,to see if earth is liveable.And there wall-e falls in love with eve.Wall-e manages to get into the space ship which carries eve back to the humans craft.

Humans no more know that they can walk.they  are obese and  don’t even need to move around-they have robots for everything.But the plant which eve brings back from earth,is a sign that earth might be liveable again.The super obese captain suddenly realizes that,humans true home is earth! And so they plan to head back,but the auto pilot thinks otherwise…

One of the best movies i have seen.It puts an important message across,in a very entertaining way.It makes us notice the fact,that earth too has a limit.

Who told love is for humans alone? Robots fall in love too and their love  brings humanity back to earth.A sure must watch.There are very little dialogues and the movie itself is only 90 minutes long.Enjoyable,fun and at the end of the day,makes you think about earth,the surface,below the sky!I will give this one a 5/5.

 

Picture from here.

Journey to the center of the earth-movie review

September 28, 2008 § 22 Comments

Put on your 3D glasses and get set to travel to the center of the earth.The movie is about how,three people -Prof.Trevor Anderson(Brendan Fraser),his nephew Sean(Josh Hutcherson) and Hannah(Anita Briem) end up at the center of the earth.The movie is based on Jules Verne’s classic,’Journey to the center of the earth.’
Beneath the earth surface lies a world,which once was on the top.The journey begins,when Sean,comes to Trevor’s home,with a few of his father’s(Trevor’s brother) collection.In it is a copy of the book(Journey to the center of the earth),with notes scribbled on the side.The professor,who is in search of the a way to the center of the earth,finds the solution,in the notes.They go to Iceland,where they meet Hannah.They get caught in a thunder storm,while trying to find clues and get shut into a cave.From there on the journey to the center begins.

The movie is one surely worth a watch.The acting is pretty good,i liked  Josh Hutcherson’s(Sean) acting the best.A movie which one can enjoy.It invovles a bit of rock science and a few ancient creatures.I haven’t read the book,so i am off to get it.Once i read the book,i will be able to make a comparison between it and the movie,but am sure,the book will be better.I will give it a 4/5.

 

Picture from here.

love is….

August 21, 2008 § 24 Comments

A guy loves a girl.The girl doesn’t love him.Usual story?In films,goons are the boon,they appear on the scene,from no where and steal a bag or do something stupid.Or the girl just gets impressed with something the guy does.Is it so in real life?In real life,it is the first impression which plays most part,for the human mind is capable of judgment and will use its discretion.Like in cinema ,in real life too friends and other around play an important part.But lets leave everyone else fro a while and concentrate on the guy and the girl.

The girl has judged the guy and she doesn’t love him.She doesn’t hate him either.The guy is head on heels and flatter on feet,water in the sky over her.He tries to impress her by doing a lot of things.But she isn’t impressed.The guy understands what is happening but likes her so much that he can’t forget about it.He wants her really badly,so what should he do?How can he impress her?Isn’t it best that he talks it out openly with her,instead go beating around the bush?isn’t better to put the facts and think on them?Especially if it affects the guy badly-mentally and emotionally?What do you think?

This post is dedicated to my friend O.And he didn’t ask me to post it.He doesn’t know about this yet.

P.S.: had a blast of a day.Went for a quiz and then had my school annual day.Two of my friends came 5th out of 746 participants.And the annual day went on well 🙂

Kismat Konnection-movie review

August 16, 2008 § 12 Comments

Boy meets girl.Boy was the most promising one in college,but has no success.Meets girl.She is his lucky charm.well the rest you know i guess.WOW! unbelievable no twists nothing,just simple and straight forward.

But this is worth a watch.For one thing Shahid does his role well.In certain places it was almost like a repeat ok Jab we met,but still it was worth my time,especially since we all had a nice time guessing the story.It had a few laughs here and there and the main highlight of the movie was the speech in the last scene.

I didn’t like any of the songs and why go all the way to CANADA? I agree with what Nita says(though the comment is with respect to another movie,i see it apply here too ) :

Frankly that’s getting boring. I mean, who wants to see the Swiss Alps in Hindi movies again and again and again! Sometimes I wonder if the actors and crew go abroad because they want a foreign holiday or because they want the film to appeal to the NRI market…it certainly isn’t necessary for the story. And I am sure NRI’s would love to see India more than anything else.

For this movie,any Indian city would have been fine.Or is it that the same problems can’t be dealt with here?Or well maybe they all seriously needed a holiday.What do these people get out of making so many flop movies?I mean this kind of stuff isn’t going to sell right? Then why do such things? The main idea behind any business is to make profit and these people are supposed to be doing that.The only thing they are doing is making actors richer and richer ,this is not needed,let them make their money by really entertaining us,not by doing such dumb movies! I understand the message the movie wanted to convey,but having made us forget about using our brain ,how do they expect to put across their message in the last scene of the movie?The intention was good,but to put across your message you need powerful stuff.I am not going to rate this one.

Photo from here.

Khudakaliye-review

August 10, 2008 § 16 Comments

Khudakayliye(in the name of god)is a  beautiful movie.The reason why i say beautiful is because beauty is one which can be attributed to everything.Two brothers who are musicians ,take two different paths.One renounces music  and the other goes to USA to pursue a career in it.The movie revolves around what happens after 9/11.One of the brothers has to endure the tortures of the American police,even though he was innocent,While the other is shown the true purpose of the fanatics.

In the end Mansoor(who is beaten into insanity),tells (rather his last words before he is beaten into madness)the world that don’t hate all Muslims just because a few have hurt you.

I loved the movie.We have always questioned how can people be lead into believing things. The movie shows both sides of the story.One is where ,men are chided into believing things and the other is where people are lead into animosity,against an entire community.Through out the movie,i was raged by so many things.The most painful thing about it was the fact that it showed the reality,which most of us are far away from.

A must see movie.I would give it a 5/5.All the actors did their roles brilliantly and the music too was very good.So if you haven’t seen it yet,put it right on top of the list 🙂

Image from here.

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