Realisations and such

On Saturday I will be turning twenty-four. A lot has changed in my life, but amongst those which haven’t is the urge to write. I still write a lot- in my head. It is a weird process, but one which is most fulfilling. The fact that technology hasn’t invaded our heads is fortunate, else even that would be captured and put out in the web. Paper is a lovely option, but this is more about not putting pen to paper and just losing yourself to the words. Music has been essential in me discovering this. Anyway, that’s for another time.

Amongst what has changed is the way I see the world. The idealist me still exists. My belief system hasn’t changed. But what has changed is the way I deal with people and the world. The ropes that bind(freedom, rights, independence etc) are such that one needs to be suspicious if it is too long, fight if it is too short, or be left wondering what is the right length. But as you go along you try to get a grip of it. Ultimately nobody knows, and what’s essential is to enjoy the process. Along the way I have learnt a few things, some on my own and some through people- you know who you are, and I am glad that you allowed me to be a part of your life. This isn’t a definitive list or in any order,

a) No self-pity.

b) The world owes you nothing.

c) You can have no friends or a seemingly endless list of people, but you got to deal with yourself. You owe yourself something- enough care to be with yourself.

d) Your happiness is important. You may derive happiness through people, but don’t expect people to make you happy.

e) You care for people, but there is a line beyond which you can’t do anything for them. No, you haven’t failed.

f) There’s much wrong, but there’s also much right. Anger shows you care, but you need to bear in mind that actions have consequences; think things through. Respond and not react.

g) People will go away. Some forever, some for a while. You don’t control them neither are you controlled by them.

h) What’s here today can be destroyed in seconds. Look at the sky- there is a universe out there you don’t know.

i) Be nice to people, but don’t expect people to be nice to you. You will encounter rude people, hateful people- be firm but don’t lose your manners.

j) There’s no point in getting stuck. Space is in the mind.

k) Believe in yourself. You will fail, again and again, but don’t stop believing.

l) Hope is that which makes you want to get out of bed. There are those days when you don’t want to- let it be, you soon will.

 

I am at a stage where I don’t depend on people for happiness. And that’s not sad, bad or mad. There’s a contentment in that. I take comfort in music, writing, art and the shadows thrown by my reading light. I think of old stone and new- of Hampi and of the Himalayas. We are in an age when everything is shared, told, advertised and success is that which someone else is surely jealous of. The world is gluttonous, and there’s a clamour for privilege- I cannot escape this, but I can ensure that it doesn’t consume you.

To Life and Hope,

 

 

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till i destroyed what i loved- a ballad

“oh! friend”,i heard a cry,
and i turned back.
there she was my long
lost girl.i was now a “friend”.
years had gone by,
time had just flown by.
yet it seems like yesterday,
that we went hand in hand,
swam through the oceans,
with our life in each others hands.
we knew the world looked,
we knew the world wondered,
how these two were lovers.
Yet we were perfect,
in every way we could be.

till i destroyed what i loved.
All i did was a mistake,
i gambled and lost to fate.
I asked her hand in marriage,
and circumstances blew it apart.
I tore myself till i was raw,
i never forgave myself for being
wrong.I felt i had lost my life,
i left i never needed a wife,
that life was a mistake in
its own right.It took me years
to realize,that i deserved better
and that past was past.

slowly brick by brick,
i broke and saw day light,
it was the best sunshine.
I wept,i had at last seen light.
I knew now nothing was a fight,
all you needed to do was walk
straight.There i found a comfort,
i fell in love,shallow love
and at times still wept with the
sands which surfaced from the
depths.I acted like i found peace,
i made money with avarice greed.
I built a different wall,
i acted like a civilized money.
yet within me something went rot,
i no more could laugh with
the same fearless wrath.

there she was in front of me,
oh! she has come to set me free.
I knew that time will stick us again,
i will find love,though it will be strange,
i will remove the strings across my heart,
the dead being will see life,
not one but many,
for i have learnt a lesson,
and for that let everything be blessed.
i now know that time has a way,
once it does say,
never try to break;
a lesson learnt ironically in time,
yet all that ends well is fine.
I saw straight into her eye,
both she and me started to cry.
I knew she too had died,
both of us saw life.
i stretched my arm
and so did she,
both of us set each other free.
we died on the shore,
now we live there.

a bunch of destinies

a bunch of destines,
all mixed up and matched
on a planet called earth.
threaded and stitched
and so complicatedly
woven that to repick
the knits,each and everything
needs to retrace its path.
yet as we move along,
we write more,
the words flow,
and brighter we glow.
in some places
we are all close,
in some places,
we are strewn.
every move we make
and every thought we
intake,we create
or destroy more love
and chaos.The balance
is so great,that even
to put a needle we
need another.While
a needle can pull
a thread,a destiny
can pull the needle.
yet everything
depends on the hand,
which decided to stitch.
if we the threads
decide to become the hands,
by changing our pattern
with our efforts,
then we can cause
what we want to.
chaos can rest, at least for a while.
we are all from the same ball
of thread,but what we are
and our path makes us different.
so brothers and sisters of me
a single thread pulled
by a needle,
let us become hands of action.
and at that, remember
we cause a reaction.
what is created will
face destruction.
so wear your self properly
and enjoy the tear .

p.s.:-i found a hole in my shorts 🙂