Shutting it tight

There is the point of indifference. I seem to keep reaching it only to feel the pinch again. There are times when tomorrow is already here. That feeling that it is inevitable that I have to go through my day. I crib a lot on twitter, but I am not sure if it is heart-felt any more. Probably a knee jerk reaction to everything that is happening, a vent.

I still haven’t got the hang of this friendship thing. At one moment a person is nice and smiling at you. The next moment they act like a stranger. It is confusing. And these aren’t random people you get to know on the web, these are ‘real people’. Going through random quotes on friendship isn’t going to help. There is no point really, it seems tiring to talk to people. I used to talk a lot. Now days, I have stopped talking to people all that much. A random conversation with a stranger on a train is fine but talking to ‘acquaintance’ isn’t worth it anymore.

I am afraid to talk about ‘me’. Talking about what I do is fine but I am not too sure if I can talk about myself to anyone. You think someone has become a friend and has risen beyond seeing you as weak when you talk about problems but it isn’t so. Even with people who you have known for most of your life. This probably is growing up- one needs to shut oneself in a tight shell.

It is remarkable how one has to learn not to be offended, as well. My standards for the world have almost reached 0 but not quite. Still, day by day my expectations keep falling(much like the stock markets now). Twitter helps me retain my sanity, still there are times I wonder what is the purpose of the whole site.

People may come, people may go but I go on forever.

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I exist

I would love to stand on top of the tallest hill in the world and shout my lungs out and roll on the grass at that tallest hill laughing away like a maniac. But since I cannot for myriad reasons(like for eg. me being really lazy person), I just decide to think about it and end up day dreaming, rather evening dreaming while doing the chest press at the gym.

It is rather significant fact that life is so much more enjoyable when you pretend it to be enjoyable. Over a period of time it does become enjoyable. In that way anything and everything is enjoyable, including walking in 40C and sweating all over. Life is in pretense than in the actuals, simple because there are times when one has no clue as to what is real.

It is easy to say gulping down a tetra pack of apple juice is your reality but it probably isn’t the reality of a prodigal daughter sitting in a bar and drinking away or that kid in the corner of the road trying to sell coloring books for some unknown mafia. But you learn to ignore both and still fall in love with that costly car and that dark street with a single street lamp and cool evening sea breeze.

Not that you are poor or something. You have reached material contentment and it should last a while- as long as people keep making annoying ads.

I stopped calling myself a writer. Not that I can’t find time, but I don’t see the point in writing. You can feel depressed and bothered and writing does ease it, but you don’t make anything out of it. You take a stance on a topic and you can argue but you don’t achieve anything. Thinking is one thing, doing is another. I am trying to figure out how to get things done.

I will start writing stories and the like again sooner rather than later but I continue writing poems every now and then- poetry is that verse that reminds you of your joyous self. Some say I read too many depressing books, but I enjoy them. There is a part of me that enjoys being grave. There is no use fighting my love for melancholy, I embrace it, enjoy it and continue. And while it my sound bad, it was necessary to reach this point- now I can enjoy those smaller things which I couldn’t before. I am happy because I don’t have a reason to feel sad. And even when I feel sad, I know I am happy about it.

I went to North India for the first time. There are as many Indians as stars in the universe. You can never put it in words nor in pictures. It is one long motion film, never ending and never ending. The contrasts are too much but Jai ho! and corruption followed me all the way to Wagh Border. Someone told me corruption isn’t in our DNA, but I tell you it is.

I refuse to write about things that bother me any more because I know they bother me and that if something has to be done about it, I need to do it. All that is important is that I remain happy forever. And that is possible only when sources I seek happiness from exist and are happy.

I still dream and I always will, it is just that I see things differently when I am awake, but my dreams always inspire me.

I exist because I think, but more importantly I exist.

does my existence on this earth matter to you?

So does what i think,matter? Well to me it surely does and to people with whom i interact it does.Even if it doesn’t matter to those around,it surely matters to me and i will give my opinion in any matter i please and no i am not going to give reasons for ,I do it,simple because i feel like doing it. Now does my existence matter,to people around me? Instead of me answering this,i think i should let people around me answer it.See this post to know what i am talking about here.

On a larger perpective,I feel everyone has a part to play.Every drop has its value in a ocean.Everything,has an influence on everything else.As Paulo says ” When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.” 

As a society too,what everyone thinks matters.And mostly people’s thinking is affected by what people around them think.History has seen many inspiring speeches which have lead to inspired actions.

An action in one thing,surely is going to induce a reaction.And like in a pond, even when a small pebble is thrown,there are ripples caused.

So again “does my existence on this earth matter to you? “

Couple of blogging landmarks and a tag :)

The first blogging landmark-I turned 2 in the bloggy world on 21:) (i know i am boy  a  bad boy,even ignored this 😛 )  It has been two years since i started This is Vishesh in Blogger 🙂 Ha,i remember the day,i started blogging 🙂 and the ups and downs of my blog 🙂 there were times when i have had 0! hits on my blog 🙂 But i continued anyway as blogging has helped me improve a lot,in talking to people and in improving my ENGLISH 🙂

The second landmark is that the last post was my 401! So 400 posts in two years 🙂 never thought i will do that 🙂

i found this tag in pria’s blog and it was pretty interesting,so 😀

I am : Vishesh Unni Raghunathan 🙂

I think : that the light shines the brightest

I know : I am here for something,but don’t know what it is 🙂

I want : to know for what i am here 🙂

I have : A world,which i hate and i love,most of all i am a part of it 🙂

I wish : that a balance would be reached

I hate : humans 🙂 lol i don’t hate anything ,i only dislike a few things 🙂

I miss : A lot of people,who i wish would understand me 🙂

I fear : dogs(well i can over come that too,but i don’t want to )

I feel : that the world needs me 🙂

I hear : music(for it is everything)

I smell : passion

I crave : for others to understand me 🙂

I search : for answers,for i believe that solutions are created before problems 🙂

I wonder :  how twinkle twinkle star was written 🙂

I regret : nothing,something,everything,nothing.

I love : everything.

I ache : with the pain of people not understanding me 🙂 well say no reason for this 🙂

I am not : WHAT others think I am 🙂

I believe : The light shines the brightest

I dance : Within myself and at midnight 🙂

I sing: Whenever i feel like it 🙂

I cry : when i don’t know what is happening

I don’t always : trust anyone 🙂

I fight : for what is mine 🙂

I write : for it is my life 🙂

I win : for i am always losing 🙂 yet every loss is a victory 🙂

I lose : To know i wanted it too badly,but it wasn’t needed

I never : know why people find me irritating 🙂

I always : Like to be myself 🙂

I confuse : everyone around me 🙂

I listen : to my heart 🙂

I can usually be found : Online 🙂 or playing football or thinking 🙂

I am scared : of dogs 🙂

I need : a lot more,yet nothing more 🙂

I am happy about : whatever has happened 🙂

I imagine : that this world is an illusion 🙂