violent enlightenment,peace for sale and the cartoonist(cartoons)

February 2, 2009 § 14 Comments

From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped

P.S:-The last one is in response to this ūüėȬ†

 

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

January 28, 2009 § 13 Comments

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? ”

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? ”

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! ”

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well ¬†I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker?¬†

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”


 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

¬†“SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

¬†“Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka!¬†I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? ”

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

Democracy,majority, India and the world

January 23, 2009 § 16 Comments

 

Its no more Barack H Obama,it is president Barack H Obama. So there we have it,like everyone else around the world,I too was glued to the T.V. ,as arguably the world’s most powerful office was taken over by a man who promises much.And as a prelude to what we might expect, he stopped a trail in Guantanmo Bay and is all set to close it.

Solilo rasied a few interesting points about our democracy and this was my comment:-

 

I like this post,my view about our country is simple
-our constitution is the third epic we have given to the world,after mahabaratha and ramayana.
-democracy is the biggest hypocrisy.Not that I am communist either,in fact democracy seems better of the two devils.The fact is only we ‚Äúeducated‚ÄĚ people bother about all this,for the farmer,if he gets free T.V,he doesn‚Äôt realize he has to pay more bribes,or maybe they are used to it,like we are paying to cops etc..
-having a single person seems more dangerous,see what Bush did..
-whats the solution now? proper democracy? ya right and how are we ever going to bring out fair play? maybe give a fair play award,like FIFA does in every world cup..simple the cup would be sold..

I know I sound rather cynical and pessimistic,but then seriously we need people who are dedicated.The talk about how we were united during freedom struggle is all fine,we knew the face of the ‚Äúenemy‚ÄĚ but now we don‚Äôt.Not just as a state,but as the ‚Äúglobal village‚ÄĚ.

 

So continuing from where i left,I have never really thought of democracy as what Mr.Lincoln said -of the people,by the people,for the people. 

Basically “people ” here would mean the majority. Now how do we know that the majority is right? If majority is always right,then how did we end up with a Bush? And it was funny seeing Americans themselves almost booing Bush. So is majority always right?¬†

There is a saying in Tamil “Makal theeirpa makesan theeirpa” or “the people’s judgement,is God’s judgement”.I am sure there is a saying to that effect in every language. But past the romanticism of such sayings,throughout history we have seen people’s judgement as a society, not being “sane” shall we say.

The fact remains that society is a summation of individuals.Now most individuals are gullible(not enough integrity,I would say,Et tu Brute?),so if one person can harangue their belief to the masses,something like Antony did,then we are left with a judgement of one person .Without trying to digress into the merits of Brutus’ actions(after all under the statue it was,right?) ,what we do know,is that the crowd is always willing to jump on to boat with more gold.Nothing is more emphatic than bribing people for votes.

There are so many things,which we have to accept as a part of society,de reguiuer more than anything else. Yet we teach kids(I am ¬†still ¬†a kid) to be truthful,be honest etc, the most blasphemous thing about it is blackmail( it is blackmail ) -“God will poke your eye.” As a kid,growing up,I thought for a long time,adults as those who have values,kids are the ones who are frivolous as they don’t get the seriousness of life(blah blah blah{my am I falling in love with BODMAS?}) and when I did realize that adults are the ones who really a rope around the foot,it was some sort of revelation.

Majority isn’t always right. It seems a very mean conclusion to arrive at,particularly seeing the things majority dream about. For all the talk of majority wins, it actually took a single individual to get us (allegedly) independence.Yes,there were a lot of others,but they all were (to eulogize)a force,yet not too big enough. While Munna Bhai might be standing elections and making a few¬†promiscuous statement about family names, we are still voting for the better devil.

And devils being devils ,have a set formula. Say you get this and that.Unity or communalism ,democracy or the thumb rule. The manifesto the “leaders” deliver,seems to be a mirror,they reflect what the people want to hear,yet they are painted behind.We are a nation which dreams about unity,about a social equity,yet it is easier for a criminal to hold a seat,in the highest house,while for others to hold on to their houses seems difficult.

The majority of us,don’t want wars or torture.Now try telling that to Taliban or Israel ? Are we trying to sell something here,which no one will buy? Or should we coat it with oil or stud with diamonds which they anyway have?¬†

Questioning the human standard of “goodness” is what all we “good” people do.Yet beyond the first question,we have never travelled,now I do wonder,if we “good” were to choose a leader who would it be?

There is the concept of “mixing it” in football.Where in you just don’t play pretty passing game,you put in a few hard tackles and may be even break a couple of foot.But aren’t we supposed to be breaking the foot of the common enemy? Now the common enemy team,lets say are these :-

Terrorism:-Well my views are very clear about terrorism

From photoshopped

Corruption:-

From photoshopped

Politicians and their divide and rule policy:-

From photoshopped

Poverty:-

From photoshopped

Illiteracy:-

From photoshopped

I am tempted to add religion but abstained(immaculate) from it.Mainly because,it is the root.I don’t consider it as a social problem,it is something far wider,it is in the mind,a psychological problem,no one would ever in the name of God or in the name of not believing(we are a nation of Hindus,Muslims,Christians,Sikhs,Parsis, Buddhists and non-believers )in it commit atrocities which violate every sense of pride an animal has.

So these evils we need to throw a few hard tackles at.Yet what is the problem? It is their method for one thing(fire for fire maybe?) and we are too humane to consider hurting them.And end of the day,we are happy to live our lives(nothing wrong in that,only thing we might get affected someday ).

The only reason why Israel bombs Gaza is because Gaza has no nuclear weapons,same thing with Iraq and Afghanistan,now why then Afghanistan’s neighbor not bombed? Simple,even though they brew the Taliban mix,they have nuclear bombs, Blackmail. So where is freedom and democracy ?

I am not far from the truth,when I say,equity is still a dream and will always be a dream for the society.The more globalised we become,the more we would tend to discriminate:-

A good example are the reservation policies, it is not about each one according to your worth,oh! no it is all about which caste you belong to! And oh! whats the preamble again?

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political;
LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;
EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;
and to promote among them all
FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.

Hypocrisy ? Good enough,isn’t it.Well it is an epic as I said. We ¬†find the government doing work against all this.But what I should appreciate is that if I were in a communist country I would not even be allowed to write this. So much for my two paise of freedom. I live in a large Metro and one of the country’s safest,I have no clue of communal violence except what I read and see on T.V. I will proudly say,my city is one in which communal violence will not boil out.

So back to the whole issue of majority.When the parties try to sell positions in the country,how far are we from the old situation?What are the virtues and what are the vices? The ban against Smoking,hasn;t gone anywhere. Nor has U.N. done anything great about human rights situation(OMG! UN? WHATS THAT?) in many countries.

 

 

From photoshopped

 

The leaders and whom so ever it is gain power,thanks to support.So as a society we need to do something( not watch¬†NDTV¬†and send¬†SMSes¬†and comments). Whatever system arises,there will be some problems which arise,as the aces dealt are equal(wow! something is fair!) to all.The fiends ,will grow along,but we need to grow faster than them.We need to evolve into something they can’t catch.And at doing all this,we need to do it in a way,which our “inner voice” will agree. When we choose someone,we need to know what they do.Maybe instead of the budget,the government should publish the cash flow for each project it undertakes.Maybe,we educated need to stand up and take control. In times when we are moving into the age of intelligence, a person who is still stuck with medieval ideas can do no good. And without pointing fingers,what we will have to do is,take up the onus and try to initiate a change.¬†

And to change, it is the children(nurture) whom we can start it with.The terrorists have learned it well.We should make sure,that the poor kids learn values which do the world good. We need to stop war,as all it does is cause more anger,when an action is so sever ,what about the reaction? We need people with the same standards.

President Obama seems to be the person, but I am not that sure others are going to cooperate. 

Lets hope for the best.

From photoshopped

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 4!(spoof)

January 21, 2009 § 10 Comments

Read part3 here.

 

And the apple hit the king’s head.The king was propelled into a headtrip,the sun turned blue,the guards started singing like Britney and the minister’s clothes turned pink and a medieval slum from some where,appeared.

The king was confused.How can an apple,have this effect? He felt miserable,so miserable that he decided to watch CC2C .He claped his hand and with a sparrow appeared Jack Sparrow he was called. ” Where am I? Get me CC2C,ha macabre,pirate,monkeys don’t eat meat! Where is the pirated DVD? ”¬†

“Oh!King the pirates of Somalia have seized it!”

“What thou too Jack? And what happened to your compass? ”

“Oh!desperate times sire,had to sell it,thanks to the depression!American’s have reduced imports!”

“OH! how bad can this get? A painted king,upon a painted pink? This is insanity,my I do wonder how Newton got along,maybe thats why he decided to think of far more romantic things like the moon and going in circles..”

“What ,no don’t dream…er..your thondiness..wait…We do have RBDJ,SRK you know…”

“No,no I need a jodi for thondi Idol..I liked that Pinto lady,in Slumdog…ha Why do they call it hot dog,when it doesn’t have a dog?”

A dolrum ,the king heard.It seemed to be screaming,give the king sambar,give the king sambar.

“Ha Jack,get me some sambar!”

“Sambar? Nothing ..i ain’t know anything like that mate..hmm..King!”

And in a world of his own,the king broke down to a song,much like a drunken thief on a drowning island.The people around him were troubled.Who would give their bonus and other incentives and those long meals at Taj,gateway to thondi? And the king didn’t have a sun..er..son yet! Something needed to be done.

Someone came running,it was a pretty girl.Ha modest,cute,but she seemed foreign .

“Oh! men of virtues old and new!” She began,” those who have taken the pledge to be corrupt and thus make sure your future is safe!I know the solution!”¬†

“HA! my lady,who are you doesn’t matter,all that matters is you help our king,name your price!” After all he looked local enough,demanding and all.

” First let me make the king calm,datacalm…”

And she went to the dissembled king and bowed,as if he was an statue which crows graced and then said an incantation,”Zuka zuka zukiii zuk…zukier zuk zahir zak zaki zakkiiii zakoki zakim zakiw zakique “(censored as it is top secret).

The king became calm,as calm as a person who informs the world,he is a fraud and they can’t do anything,as they don’t know his Swill bank Pin code.

She turned around.”It is the curse,but once I break,the king will be enlightened.He shall solve all the problems.And for that very reason,we need protection,so that no terrorist comes in his way and forces him to create more weapons of mass destruction.And now price…

“All of you get out of here.”

The minister argued,”but we cannot,we need to ensure his safety.”

“See I am not wearing any shoes,so I shall not throw any at him.I do not have planes,so I won’t bomb him.I do not have any Polonium so I will not poison him.So if you won’t your king,get out, or I am going to…”

And without any other choice and considering their unfortunate circumstances,the guards and the ministers left.

The lady took out a mirror,placed it on the calm king’s head.Punched his big stomach thrice and ¬†hailed the lords of Thondi and smashed the mirror much like the ancient custom.The mirrorcracked¬†.The king fell down. Everything became silent.Silence prevailed.AS calm as the world was when Obama took the pledge,but of course there was no one taking a pledge. Divorces in the US weren’t fought,as the judge was stunned how his wig became black,no one was bumped ,even Israel decided to call a cease fire and no Viva voce took place for that wonderful moment.

The Gods seemed to be watching,the spirits of thondi,came about and blessed,their progeny,lest he be condemned to celibacy.A new spirit descended into the king.He came to know that all this was the work of the Sambar,the sambar magic!He woke up,slowly,he took in the world and the lass.He was struck by her beauty,but unlike some desperate teenager,he smiled ruefully,cleaned with the latest product from Tollgate.

The world began to breath easy.The king got up,the lady got up,they kissed,their souls met,unpolluted,the factories didn’t run as the employees were on a strike,the roads were clean,as the bus drivers were on strike. The birds chirped,the flowers bloomed,the sea dashed of L’oreal’s latest water colour,marriage’s are made in heaven,kisses are made with lips…Quid pro quo.

They watched the sun set into the far off beach,Sambar magic was working,the king felt as fat as ever.

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 3!(spoof)

January 9, 2009 § 9 Comments

And the voice on the other end,chirped,”yeeeeyaaa!Thondi raja!You have been selceted to perform in the Thondi Idol!”.The king,went ablaze,he jumped and he danced and started to sing,” Oh,want to have a thondi just ¬†like this? Just eat all you have…oh! want to have a thondi just like this…”,The old man with the beard,gave a “I told you so” smile,whitened,by a secret formula,approved by the shamen and the head priest of thondi.

Ops,if you haven’t read part 2 yet then read it here.

 

The king replied to the voice,”Sure,I am honoured and since I sent away our star singer,Himesh,there is no competition for me,though there is this blogger called Vimal,ha did he qualify?”.

“Yes he did and we would be honoured,if you as the king do the thondi dance,to the song,”thondis don’t lie” “.

Even more delighted,”wow,now I need a partner..,when is it? “.And replied the voice ,all earnest and young ” You have plenty of time,oh!the world record holder for eating the most number of bhadushas(bhadushas are Indian donout,though it should be the other way about.),to put on some weight and get ready for the dance.All the best your highness,TC.”

 

As the call ended,the king turned around and thanked the smiling man with the beard.The man with the beard responded,” This is the secret of ¬†Bush to get elected for the second term,the secret of Paris Hilton,to be so slim and Tony Blair,to lie so much and oh! your highness,this will always keep you fat! You are indeed the pride of thondi! Now I think you should go back,take a pack of Sambar with you.

“I will ¬†also teach you the code to return here,but remember this is not web 2.0,no twitter,no stumble,no orkut,no facebook,just keep it to yourself,keep saying it until,you know it like the moves of your favorite heroine or like a kid who watched DD in the 90s,knows the dialogues of Mahabaratha and Ramayana”.

“OH! my fine old man,I understand.I will not give it to anyway,least of all NTTV and I will keep the travelling charges out of my books ,my accountant doesn’t know accounts anyway,he learned the trade at PWC and gets a hefty salary,anyway he is busy, he is appearing as a market analyst in one of those channels called NTTV Loss.And some how,the KTIAA(Kingdom of Thondi Accountants Association) don’t know what to do with him.I could have him thrown to the lions,but unfortunately,the lions,seem to be influenced by our Health minister,maybe,I should make the Rambodoc,from the wonderful blogging world,as the health minsiter.”

“Oh!king whatever.It is time to go.” The man with the beard, then again placed a stone,measured his steps,compained and hit the Ronaldo style free kick.The stone feel into the Magical Sambar river and they were back.

And as they came out of the forest,a guard came running,” Breaking news oh! king,Sathyam boss,just quit.It seems he had doctored the books.”

¬†“Ha,you fine young man”,the king patted the man on his shoulder,”it is late news,if you want the full story,start blogging,as it is ,you don’t do any work,except,taking bribes from the beggars,to keep the big guards away.I tell you go,I will give you some money,eat ,get a thondi,don’t cheat and read blogs all day long.Otherwise,I will soon start being the “sources within” for the NEWS channels.”

“Oh!king,I am sorry,no,I do blog,but the feeds arrived a little late.Rather I was watching videos on youtube and forgot all about blogging.”

“Ha ,I am feeling hungry,run along”. The king turned to the minsiter who had arrived.”What happened to the Israel bombings?”¬†

The minister hesitated and confessed,”My brain was struck!”.

The king laughed out loud and beamed,” LOL,now that is a good minister.What a country,no wonder,we have pertol workers going on a strike etc.If we have such wonderful ministers!Now,you are going to get stuck,I am going to send you to the rehab,no comupters for five months.And remember to shave your hair.Of course we will give you a chalk.”

And so the king walked along,majestic as always.He took out his PDA(again gifted).And grunted,”Ha,this Microsoft,it is always getting hung.I thought they didn’t have capital punishments.”And at that moment,an apple,feel from the sky..

Satyam,whats the truth?

January 7, 2009 § 23 Comments

Wow! corruption,anyone? And look what happens,Satyam,boss Ramaliga Raju,resigns and cooly informing the world 

 

‘No board member had any knowledge of the real situation. Accrued interest of Rs 376 crore in books is non-existent. About Rs 1,230 crore was arranged to Satyam, but was not reflected in the books,‚ÄĚ Source-IBN-live.

Time to celebrate people,especially if you had invested in Satyam,you just lost some money and if you are rich enough it means,you can cheat others now. 

See here for the entire letter(thanks Chirag).Reading the letter,one should also feel sad for the guy.After all he did start the company and in a bid to keep it,he had done this.I ¬†not am sure how true,is it that he didn’t gain anything out of it.But end of the day,he has been caught and the markets go bear again.And the fact that cases in India would take forever.

Taking the fact that the I.T. industry is already in trouble and also that the world is facing met downs,this is not going to help anyone.A lot of people might again loose their jobs. 

Of course the auditors too would be answerable.How can someone,miss such large amounts? This might mean new laws,but maybe this would get them out?And the whole story doesn’t seem to be out yet,who else could be in it? Surely,a single person alone can’t engineer such a huge fraud?

And virtue seems to have a lot of value.maybe,we will be able to buy it also,sooner than later.Say Mr.X is a good person,so just pay him and his goodness will rub on to you.Who cares anyway? All these scandals reflect,is the “innate goodness” of human beings.Can’t people be truthful to themselves? And no,I am not claiming money is evil ,bad etc,Shouldn’t a person get only what he really is worth? And as far as I am aware,they still teach you not to lie in kindergarten.,so when did it all start anyway? maybe we should just each kids to lie.

Teacher:- Have you completed your work?

Boy:-yes,mam.

Teacher:-Show your book.

Ha good you haven’t done it.Now that is my boy.Keep it up,here are five stars for you.

Or am I speculating too much?

Bribery-you need to even if you don’t have a blackberry

January 5, 2009 § 14 Comments

A sudden humourous has struck me.I suddenly seem to have got the bubble blowing bubby tumor.It can’t get any worse than telling a science group student,a few minutes before their physics exam,”stop studying about current,you may get a shock.” Well why not make most of what you have?Complaining is not going to get me the publicity-no interviews on headlines today or for that matter even on IBN-LIVE.

As I inch towards my 650 posts mark,one of the topics which my cartoons haven’t embraced yet,has struck me.Of course,being a extermly “good” person and since I welcome a lot of bad humour from people around me during exams,as I act like an pucca shaib from the times when a peon managed to have fun in our country( Ya I mean Clive,Robert Clive) and not allow them to copy from me,corruption is bad water,more worse than water from any of the colourful rivers in our country.Whether everyone in the country can afford a Blackberry or not,it is essential to be able to afford bribery.

Wonderful,no one can ever destory corruption or bribery,as long as people want to fulfill their wants without doing any work.From the watchmen in hotels to the top people in government offices,everyone wants onething-more money.And all the while,we all claim to be a very religiously sensitive country.I do wonder when a godman named Corruption Baba is going to appear.Why do it under the table,as they call it?No justification,as we say in Tamil,anyway “Namamthan podapuran”(anyway they are going to cheat us,er..namam is the U shaped thing which we brahmins wear on our forehead,don’t know whats it called in English).

So before this post becomes longer than a Saree from one of the silk centers in our country(lest,I inspire them to kill more worms),let us get to the cartoons..

Inspiration from this post at Nita’s blog.

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Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 2!(spoof)

January 4, 2009 § 8 Comments

Read part one here.

 

The king once informed,was elated.He gave his wonderful ministers a treat in the Taj,near the Gateway of  Thondi.While eating an exotic fifty course meal,he was informed,that the lady in question was angry and was planning to sue the king of thondi in the international court of justice,for using her name.Confused and perplexed,the king,had a second helping of each dish.

The great Thondiraja,returned to his court.He knew the only way to help cool a person who lived in the artic(almost),was to send a “hot” gift.The singer Himesh would have been useful,but unfortunately he was in England.The sight of the latest AK 74,caught his eyes.What better gift,to give a person? After all the cold might get to her head and she might need something to help.He would send her some wine from his vineyards in France and a few guns.

The minister was summoned and told to write a letter,intricately describing,the beauty of American culture and their wonderful screaming music.The minister being a financial genius,praised the wall street businessmen and their slyly tactics.The letter was then sprayed with the latest deo from axe.The wine and the letter were shipped to the Arctic.A couple of days later,he received a mail from the lady and that she was impressed.

The king didn’t not like this at all.The queen should be more terrifying,so terrifying that the devil’s of interviews should cry and wish to be exported to some country.The king sent her a CD of Suprabatham and wished her long life.

After all the hullabaloo the king,was tired and wanted some real romance.So before parading his fleet of concords to another country and hunting a lady,he wrote a post on his blog condemning the air strikes by one country on another.This way the ministers would be kept on their toes and they would not eat too much,get a heart attack and die forcing him to return early.

At the airport,while he was about to board his plane,in a rather filmy style,an old man with a long beard and a sitar appeared.It would be blasphemy not to give a full account of what happened,so the actual conversation which took place:-

King Thondi:-Who are you? I am off to find a wife,so unless you have a daughter,you can talk.Since that is unlikely,move out of way of I shall crush you.

The man with the bread:- Oh wise one,my name would not be needed here.But I am the man who can offer you solace.

King Thondi:-Solace,Quantum of Solace? I didn’t like the movie.That fellow looked older than you,old man.And i would have been a better hero.I don’t talk to people without names,so be fast,i don’t want to waste the tax payer’s money by keeping the planes running!

The man with the beard:-

My father’s name is Bhrama

and my fav line is Narayana.

Krishna’s best friend was Sudhama,

Narayana Narayana,

from the Himalaya to Kumari,

From Ganga to Kaveri,

I am the sage who has fun

All the while on the run-

I am Narada.

Or at least,i played the part in Doordarshan.So call me that.Anyway I too pay taxes,so follow me oh! great king,who can eat the enitre universe,please follow me,I shall get you a wife.

King thondi:-Ha interesting,now I can Identify you,the bread has changed you.A queen? Who is she? Is she hotter than Shakira? Can she dance? Can she sing? Oh! you great Narada? 

The man with the bread:-By the merc your father gave me,yes she is way way better,follow me.

And so the king ordered the planes to be shut.He wouldn’t have lost,after all the fuel prices ha come down.He then ¬†followed the man with the beard.

They entered the forests,the king held his gun ready,there were rumors that a pink panther was moving about.But the man with the bread,motioned him to put the gun down.And then,like Ronaldo,measuring a free kick,the man with the bread,measured 5 steps talked to a tree,complained that the bushes had grown too fast and ran and smacked a near by stone.The stone bounced of another tree,enraged,he took it on the volley and this time hit went over the tree and landed some distance away in a small pond.

The scenery changed.There in the middle of what seemed to be a heaven in earth,was a river.But instead of water,sambar flowed.The king was stunned,why he didn’t know the Sambar river went through Thondi,he thought it was only a myth.

He then realized it was another world,a world with a world.And at that moment his phone rang.The Sambar magic began.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 1!(spoof)

December 22, 2008 § 14 Comments

Once upon a time,long long ago,well not so long ago,the kingdom of Thondi was ruled by the great king,the magnanimous,the felicity showering philanthropist Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

The reason for the three Rajas preceding his name is the fact that all his forefathers who sat at that crown had the name Thondiraja and he being the fourth ,he had to add his three ancestors name to his.Now it would have been easier to just say Thondiraja the fourth,but being a very superstitious race,they had to consult the temple priest.The priest being a fan of long names,sat down to contemplate the case referred.He knew he the name had to be long,but to call the king anything but thondiraja,would be taken as a kingly sin.So after much thought and endless cups of buttermilk from the royal kitchen,he pretended to consult an almanac and see the distant stars,who at that point,if one had checked could not be seen,thanks to the sun,he came up with the name Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

So upon being crowned on an auspicious day(the astrologers dinner ,5 gold coins,the courtesans for him,another 10 gold coins,the arrangements for the function 100 gold coins,the new jewelery and dress designed by Armani 50 gold coins,advertising during Big brother 25 gold coins,Having SRK and a cat in that ad,15 gold coins but the moment was priceless for him, even though he didn’t have a mastercard,he was the master after all) he entered his palace.

The royal musician,Himesh sang his new song, specially composed for the occasion.The new king,couldn’t stand such atrocious music,he knew the old story that,his father wanted to save the subjects from this fellows torture and so had brought him to the court.He felt a need to do something about this fellow.the Raja,thondi raja,sat on the Italian fur mat,checked the time on his swiss watch and pronounced his first verdict-He would send this wonderful singer,as his gift to the queen of England.He had heard she was cost cutting and had sacked her musicians.He told his right hand minister Chidambaram,to write a letter to the honourable lady vindicating his gift.And so the slyly minister took up his pen(which he had flicked from the treasury) and wrote a 6 yard letter,in such colourful words,that the musician in concern,beamed in pride and almost began to sing again.But some how,they managed to get him out before the cacophony(though the word seems small)began again.

Now having lost a musician and knowing that it would take him sometime to import the Germany technology and the American singers,he was left to contemplate how he would pass his time.Glancing again at his time piece(which he didn’t pay for,it was a gift from a Swiss bank,when he deposited his gold) he decided to summon the court dancer.He clapped his hands twice and a guard appeared.He was about to give him the order,when he noticed that the guard looked familiar.And like a forest fire,it came to him,it was Amir! His favorite star!he got up and jumped so much,that the satellites picked up images of another tsunami(you see he was so fat,er..thondi in tamil means stomach).But the actor,bowed down and asked him with a true panache,what his majesty wanted.And so the exuberant king ordered the actor to explain the reason for him to take such a role.

It was for his next film -guard,he explained.He needed to get initiated to the role.Why he was even sleeping when the king was not watching,he added.the king was flattered.He told the actor to summon the dancer and go back to sleep.
When the noble left handed minister heard this,he felt a tinge of sweat trickled down his made up pink of health brow.He got up and informed the king that the dancer had left for the United States.The king requested for the painter,at least that should throw some hue on his dull mood.And at this,sweating even more the minister informed the king,that the painter had been thrown into some oasis in a desert in the middle east,as the people wanted didn’t like him.

So informed,the king was dejected.His first day in office,was getting worse.he knew that the priest had been a bogus.He needed something to make him feel better…and as his highness was becoming grumpier and grumpier,entered the protagonist,the jester of jesters,Darshel.

The bubbly Darshel along with his aide ,Deepika,were the talk of every household.The lady was the hit,she was capable of performing multiple roles so well,that Darshel,could carry on his non stop nonsense,he could refuse all the awards they gave him or appear in TV,while the lady entertained the king when the ads came on the court channel.

In a supposed to be mesmerizing move,the clown,with an ave,shouted,long live the king,long live the queen with three hundred cart wheels(who told that people have to cut costs and no testing?He still made his own things,after all he still was the horse and no fiat can make him see otherwise).The king then realized what he needed,a Queen!

And so as the realization struck his perfectly combed,no gel,only oiled hair,he got up ,as if the 19000 RPM he was planning to import had already hit him and ordered everyone in the court to,find me ops,him a queen.The court felt the power.They all felt the nudge,the magical touch ,this they knew was the secret behind the royal line,this is what kept even the most neo-clear counties at bay.And so feeling the Intra court power,they all set about,as if they were trying to find information about a terrorists from the neighboring country.

The court website team was contacted and told to place an ad for a queen.The minister himself went on air,in CCB and assured the world,that the kingdom needed a queen.Reassured people across the world,googled the kingdom of Thondi,which till then they didn’t know existed and even those who knew thought was in the middle of the pacific.The various blogs had informative posts on the kingdom and then went on to add how much money was being wasted on a queen hunt.

A few speculated that a Sarah would be the right choice.And the minister himself,informed the king about this…

 

WHAT IS SAMBAR MAGIC? WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Part two tomorrow(if you really really want to read it,if you say no,it will be a no,so vote properly,this is not for a WWE!) 

 

Human rights day ,swiss accounts and moon gold(cartoons)

December 10, 2008 § 7 Comments

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