July 14, 2015 § 6 Comments
On Saturday I will be turning twenty-four. A lot has changed in my life, but amongst those which haven’t is the urge to write. I still write a lot- in my head. It is a weird process, but one which is most fulfilling. The fact that technology hasn’t invaded our heads is fortunate, else even that would be captured and put out in the web. Paper is a lovely option, but this is more about not putting pen to paper and just losing yourself to the words. Music has been essential in me discovering this. Anyway, that’s for another time.
Amongst what has changed is the way I see the world. The idealist me still exists. My belief system hasn’t changed. But what has changed is the way I deal with people and the world. The ropes that bind(freedom, rights, independence etc) are such that one needs to be suspicious if it is too long, fight if it is too short, or be left wondering what is the right length. But as you go along you try to get a grip of it. Ultimately nobody knows, and what’s essential is to enjoy the process. Along the way I have learnt a few things, some on my own and some through people- you know who you are, and I am glad that you allowed me to be a part of your life. This isn’t a definitive list or in any order,
a) No self-pity.
b) The world owes you nothing.
c) You can have no friends or a seemingly endless list of people, but you got to deal with yourself. You owe yourself something- enough care to be with yourself.
d) Your happiness is important. You may derive happiness through people, but don’t expect people to make you happy.
e) You care for people, but there is a line beyond which you can’t do anything for them. No, you haven’t failed.
f) There’s much wrong, but there’s also much right. Anger shows you care, but you need to bear in mind that actions have consequences; think things through. Respond and not react.
g) People will go away. Some forever, some for a while. You don’t control them neither are you controlled by them.
h) What’s here today can be destroyed in seconds. Look at the sky- there is a universe out there you don’t know.
i) Be nice to people, but don’t expect people to be nice to you. You will encounter rude people, hateful people- be firm but don’t lose your manners.
j) There’s no point in getting stuck. Space is in the mind.
k) Believe in yourself. You will fail, again and again, but don’t stop believing.
l) Hope is that which makes you want to get out of bed. There are those days when you don’t want to- let it be, you soon will.
I am at a stage where I don’t depend on people for happiness. And that’s not sad, bad or mad. There’s a contentment in that. I take comfort in music, writing, art and the shadows thrown by my reading light. I think of old stone and new- of Hampi and of the Himalayas. We are in an age when everything is shared, told, advertised and success is that which someone else is surely jealous of. The world is gluttonous, and there’s a clamour for privilege- I cannot escape this, but I can ensure that it doesn’t consume you.
To Life and Hope,
January 17, 2010 § 9 Comments
Note:- I know, I know, you don’t need to tell me- it is long. To be more precise, about 950 words. Thank you 😀
So with a self imposed mission of trying to break the ‘curse’ or the internal diaspora and integrate those fleeing parts, I sat down to introspect and concluded that the reason for all that is simple- simpler than this sentence- some how my assumptions have been disturbed.
The effects are the ones which are surprising and not the cause in itself. For I have always believed that everything is based on assumptions. This very post, is based on so many assumptions- that visceral sounds are assumed to mean such; that when written down, clarity will reveal itself again(albeit the nonchalant pall hanging over my gait) ; that people do care enough, to read this ; the fact that I have adopted this language(or has the language adopted me?) to write instead of my native tongue; And a billion or trillion more, depending on your preferred currency.
But the point is assumptions are the base of life. They give the mind hard things to compare and accept or reject. The equation of life, is full of variables, and assumptions just about cement them to be more reassuring and constant. But that in itself can act against us. See what this whole business of letting your mind chose its basis to decide and follow(highly influenced and intoxicated by the world, in more candid terms by the adults and adult influenced peers when we are growing up) is that it tries to ab initio remove fear and guilt.
The twins are notorious enough to be the reason(in my humble views) for most of the events in the world. From having a hallo around your head to being fried in the devil’s oils(which flavour do you choose?) all are caused because of these two. And when assumptions are moved by forces stronger than themselves and when cruel reality(again based on other assumptions, nevertheless, supposedly) sets in, along come the twins, with kisses and words that bewitch you and send your hormones in all the wrong directions and steal your brain or it’s acclaimed human rationality.
So my assumptions were struck by a lighting, but fortunately I had bothered to stick a lighting rod out. But sometimes light in itself can lose to a sloth- when it enters a fortress formed by materials which have been hardened with fervour and self belief and not to mention assumptions that I am bound to not see a victory till I turn a new leaf(is it now?), it slows and crawls, but still doesn’t lose the pinch which it brings along, so what really had happened was that I was stunned(thanks to my own need to fend myself against the world’s ever altering assumptions) and now with a fine poem, I have but got rid of it.
But the optimism that I wont possessed has been shaken the most. The lazy bug, without the wonder drug(optimism) has turned lazier and has decided to stay and not vacate its place in the system, to expand. Though it isn’t all that compelling(like this pseudo style, heavily influenced I am sure by God(another assumption?) knows what!) the bug is quite comforting.
But by writing that very sentence I have managed to sort out a paradox or two and at the same time, kicked the bug a bit, after all I know no one is going to bother to read this, at least entirely. Probably, one of my hopes that was dashed(with a red ink, memories of Tamil papers dawn) was my belief that I would be read and my blog garlanded with words of praise and I would make News and promote optimism and help in rolling the wheels of progress across the oblique course(s).
But that seems pretty stunted and in more ways decaying from neglect, being ignored more so, by those who can give it some spirit. Yes, I have said it, I black and with, well punctuated with commas and fullstops, I seem to lack a belief in people.
Once upon a time, I prided myself in hating humanity. But a sense of hope, that hate can morph into love, existed. But pretence has turned into the present’s love and as I pour my love into my belief about humanity’s greatness (and bits of shallowness and vanity) , the world in return seems to offer more walls than doors(but more doors than before, but being as astute as I am, I can see many other doors being filled with bricks, all red – the capitalist in me, mourns ).
The doors I am willing to take, because I have for a long time now, refused to honour fear and guilt, more than deemed necessary. Visitors are welcome, as long as they follow my dogma and yield to the imposed moratoriums and curfews. But are those the doors I want to take? This is a stark question, the answer, shall go unwritten, at least as of now.
Now my assumptions having been swayed by the lights and developments, are back to their old staunch selves. They again, wish to re-establish their command, having fought the wars with words, wisdom and weapons and have returned with better men and women and not to mention new ways and knowledge.
They face a struggle though, the throne, occupied by the prince, his highness the lazy bug, has to be won. How can you lull someone who is laced by reality and lives in a shell? Probably being a moon child and a crabby person, the waters hold the answer. So simply put- I guess I have to wash my face and get going again 😛
P.S:- why does wp, want me to rewrite this entire post in active voice? hmpf.
October 30, 2008 § 11 Comments
Forever,the divine eternal shall glow.
Yet for a few moments,something takes over,
and things look like,as if there is no better,
and everything ends and shall witter.
And for those moments,
you are caught,uninspired,almost lifeless,
lest that life be frivolous.
But it is an illusion,like any other,
and the bloodless pallor,
is soon replaced by the brightest
which will take you and your life,
to new,oh!new heights.
The night,is a gap,
but there is no lapse,
in the presence of light.
And it is your battle you wage,
and for guidance
you have nothing else but cognition,
your tool which will lead to salvation.
The good is spread and strewn
and mixed and set to a tune
it serves those who seek
and always separates the mighty from meek.
timeless,like the ocean,
whose life is beyond estimation,
it flows and sings to those,
who desire the elevation.
The mystic hours are deviations
which finally will make you yearn
for the place where it all began,
the place called home,
where you return after the roam.
There within,it you will find,
though unused,it is warm,
and the old serenity,the calm
returns and the world turns
and runs,for its opinions
are thoughtless and God bless,
it can’t face the boisterous
who boils at the sight of hypocrisy
whose discipline is such that
sometimes,it looks like lunacy.
And yet,in the madness,
the notes fall into place,
and the song sings on its own
and you ascend to the throne
of your own make
and will live for your own sake.
Up above the world so high
there it lies,
the one which closes into this dry
and beaten land,which you wish to fly
and get the better of and aye
that is what your desire hopes
and emotions are the boards
on which you build the craft
which shall protect you from the harsh-
everything caprice and baseless
arbitrary and the ruthless muscular fury.
Your intuition shall show reason
and for satisfaction
you shall go on the mission.
The birds fly,
the stars rise,
the earth lies
and at that sight,at the zenith
there is no vice
for the wise is the one,
who knows what lies beneath
and what awaits above,
though not in facts
but in abstractions where it lacks.
The divine shall shine
and the eternal is mine
for within i can feel
and without it i am meek.
What maybe its name,
and even if it will end in bane,
I am ready to face,
everything,to where i raise
for the belief is greater
and in craziness lies my sanity.
Let the world cry,
let it proclaim,i am vain,
but to me it is all the same,
all that i have to gain,
i shall and those loses
are repressed in the depressed-
those hours under the grey
clouds of hellish profile,
where the world got its say
but it will never have its way,
against the storm,who blows
with knowledge and belief
that blowing will give it relief
and that ,it is its life’s work
are to break and tare
for in its destruction
shall the tree be trimmed
so that a new branch can begin.
The balance it shall give
to the world on the whole,
for destruction it is not,
it is doing its part.
And those who claim to be storms
can fake the appearance but never
the trust and tenacity
for such is the truth’s intensity.
The twig writes destiny by being a twig
and the meek fail to fill the pen
and expect to be forgiven
for the destruction of beauty
whose eternal magnanimity
is so blessed that,it shall live
forever,for it has no enemy
for everything has a desire to be free.
The world shall be at peace,
Within me at least.
What is see is what i perceive,
and what i feel is what i perceive.
And what i perceive i shall act on
and on that act,my name shall go on.
For white is white,
if i see so and the black,black
if i see so.And yet,behind all that lies
a thought greater than the sight,
the unknown,yet alive
which flows and rains
forever,without any exchange
for its value can never be waged
and it is saved by the rage,
the frenzy of the one who sees
it and wishes to belong
and at that,it will never go wrong.
Forever,the divine eternal shall glow.
To me people come and go,
and the world throws
and tries to fill me with remorse.
Yet the joy within i need
and that i seek,
and to think i exist
and my existence is my pride
and it shall last until i die.
The gloom will pass
and that which will last
is life and that will strive.
The light shines the brightest
July 23, 2008 § 14 Comments
This is my 200th poem.
A million things to say,
each for a far of ray.
A million wants to be fulfilled,
each for every second lived.
A million ideas are born,
yet before we can act most are gone.
More than a million years,the earth has lived,
yet for it to be what it is ,many have been killed.
More than a million lives has been given,
to let humanity,its hold strengthen.
It was a long time back that everything began,
it will be only for a while more that man,
can rule on that which is not his.
We say it is our destiny,but what we miss,
is that we are the makers of it.
What is truly fit,
is that which is nature,
which by time is still in nurture.
What will be the future?
what will help us to travel further?
unity,might be an answer,
but who will be the leader?
We are nature,
we are nature,
and together we are the savior
and the harbinger.
So let us put or millions together,
it might make us better,
so whatever you are,a banker,
a engineer or a baker,
just put something in,
doing good is no sin,
is the only thing which can happen.
or well soon everything will be Nothin’.
So do yourself some good,
well whether we like or not we all should,
for it is not for you,not for me,
it is for the future,whom in your dreams you see.