Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

January 28, 2009 § 13 Comments

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? ”

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? ”

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! ”

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well  I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”


 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

 “SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

 “Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka! I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? ”

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

The absurd list(its not just another list)

January 2, 2009 § 19 Comments

I have never been made any new year resolutions,after all isn’t it better to get to the solution at the first attempt then the re-solution? Hmm..does sound like a whole bunch of nonsense,but the title gurantees abusrdity,to the Nth degree of an indefinite line(whatever that is).So let me make this wonderful list,which made a sally and haunted me,till I resolved to write this post.

And since this is absurd,don’t factor in time here.The probability of these things,is perfectly elasitic (or inelastic) ,i.e.,one/all of the thing mentioned in the list might  happen within the next second(it hasn’t) or when I am senile old man,with false teeth,asking my grandson/great great grand daughter,how to use some new machine,which probably would be made by a guy who flunked LKG.So lets get to this wonderful list.

+- Publish a book.Until recently this found a place in the to do list.I moved it out (into this list) ,after reading a few famous books.While it is possible for any Ramaswami/Sighania/Tom who happens to write about some “teeny” love story to sell,what i write will never sell,unless,I grow a beard and have a six pack or a big belly.

+- Play football for Arsenal/Barca/Wolfsburg.Not that I would turn down an offer from some other club.But these are my favs in the respective leagues.But considering the fact that 16 years in the age at which most Arsenal player’s start their carrer,I am too old.So that leaves Barca and Wolfsburg.One has too many good players and the other,hmm…I just don’t speak German(nor Spanish).So there ends my football millions before my first Nike deal(please buy the shirt with my name and #7 or #9 on it).

+-Make a movie with Jonny Depp,Amir Khan and Kamal Hassan with Heath Ledger as the villian( Jack Sparrow shall take us to world’s end to bring back the villain!).The ladies shall be Deepika and Priyanka and for the sake of my wonderful friends Jessica Beil.You will not be able to guess who is Amir,Jonny and Kamal,until the last scene(they will be look alike triplets).So that leaves a female lead short,no there shall be no Pandava style sharing,one of them will find a lady drowning and rescue her(the lady shall be Kamal and the man shall be Kamal,a double roll,he does deserve,after all he did manage to do 10!).

+-Create world peace.If only master card could by world peace.But apparently,they too are going to go bankrupt soon,people came to the conclusion that buying priceless things was the best way to utilize their unlimited credit facility.And of course,thanks to too much of inflation,peas costs are high,that’s why countries use nukes.Or we can use the bottled chemicals aka soft drinks,the only thing soft about them might be that they use soft water,which 5 star hotels sell above the MRP.

+-Come first in something(except being first to reach school).This is something which has evaded me.I never manage to come first in anything(or rather,I forgot the last time,I came first in something).So time to get the aces-4 aces and a joker,will ensure I win.Though the probability is pretty low.

+-Go and visit,every square millimeter of earth.Going on a world tour,has become too common and journey to center of the earth,has already been done.So before Guinness runs out of records,let me create this one.I shall start soon.(Apparently,my great grandfather used to walk everywhere and I want to add to that,no joking, I am serious about this,though this is in the absurd list.)

+-Become the PM/president of the country.I think being a president would be more fun.You know,going on a holiday,when the country is getting bombed,how romantic.PM means,you can get kicked out of office anytime,but no one cares about the president,the roadies wouldn’t know your name nor would the people watching it.

+-Listen to all of Beethoven,Tchaikovsky,Rachmaninoff and other classics.

+- Compose some music.

+- Write an anthem,which would be more popular that another brick in the wall.

+- Build the world’s largest ,tallest,biggest and the best building.I am searching for some land,so if any of you are selling,hold on,let me make some money and i will buy it from you soon.

+- Invent something,anything.Let it be some weird theorem or something super useful like orkut(please don’t tell me you don’t get this one).

+- Make everyone in the world think.By far the most absurd.As long as MTV is what people watch,there is no hope.

+-Make this blog the most read.Hmm…thanks for contributing to this,by reading this far 😀 

+- Write something short.(  🙂  ) 

+- Create a new language.

+- Or at least a world and make it more widely used that fuck.

+- Finish writing takes of thondiraja.

+- Try to remember all the absurd things.

So now I am going to add tags.I am not entirely happy nor are my ardent readers,at me writing such nonsense.But unlike my senselessness grapevine( wouldn’t you all prefer wine?) stories,there is more of heart and thought in this.It should actually be longer,but considering the fact,that I want to eat something,I cut this short.

Now all those of you came here,through a search engine,keep visiting me.I am not capable of cashing in,on the vogue,day in and day out.After all,before pink returns,we might have more people with pink slips and Indians talking without a an American accent(ya,we all know its fake,unless you were born there).

I like this word- macabre.And funnily enough the wordpress spell check,is pointing out that the word blog doesn’t exist,that shouldn’t be happening right,Mark?

And since,this is long enough,to not welcome comments,the post ends here.I shall respond to the comments,on the older posts soon,so don’t leave without commenting!

Just a thought,why do we never begin conversation with good night,like with good morning and good afternoon?

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 1!(spoof)

December 22, 2008 § 14 Comments

Once upon a time,long long ago,well not so long ago,the kingdom of Thondi was ruled by the great king,the magnanimous,the felicity showering philanthropist Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

The reason for the three Rajas preceding his name is the fact that all his forefathers who sat at that crown had the name Thondiraja and he being the fourth ,he had to add his three ancestors name to his.Now it would have been easier to just say Thondiraja the fourth,but being a very superstitious race,they had to consult the temple priest.The priest being a fan of long names,sat down to contemplate the case referred.He knew he the name had to be long,but to call the king anything but thondiraja,would be taken as a kingly sin.So after much thought and endless cups of buttermilk from the royal kitchen,he pretended to consult an almanac and see the distant stars,who at that point,if one had checked could not be seen,thanks to the sun,he came up with the name Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

So upon being crowned on an auspicious day(the astrologers dinner ,5 gold coins,the courtesans for him,another 10 gold coins,the arrangements for the function 100 gold coins,the new jewelery and dress designed by Armani 50 gold coins,advertising during Big brother 25 gold coins,Having SRK and a cat in that ad,15 gold coins but the moment was priceless for him, even though he didn’t have a mastercard,he was the master after all) he entered his palace.

The royal musician,Himesh sang his new song, specially composed for the occasion.The new king,couldn’t stand such atrocious music,he knew the old story that,his father wanted to save the subjects from this fellows torture and so had brought him to the court.He felt a need to do something about this fellow.the Raja,thondi raja,sat on the Italian fur mat,checked the time on his swiss watch and pronounced his first verdict-He would send this wonderful singer,as his gift to the queen of England.He had heard she was cost cutting and had sacked her musicians.He told his right hand minister Chidambaram,to write a letter to the honourable lady vindicating his gift.And so the slyly minister took up his pen(which he had flicked from the treasury) and wrote a 6 yard letter,in such colourful words,that the musician in concern,beamed in pride and almost began to sing again.But some how,they managed to get him out before the cacophony(though the word seems small)began again.

Now having lost a musician and knowing that it would take him sometime to import the Germany technology and the American singers,he was left to contemplate how he would pass his time.Glancing again at his time piece(which he didn’t pay for,it was a gift from a Swiss bank,when he deposited his gold) he decided to summon the court dancer.He clapped his hands twice and a guard appeared.He was about to give him the order,when he noticed that the guard looked familiar.And like a forest fire,it came to him,it was Amir! His favorite star!he got up and jumped so much,that the satellites picked up images of another tsunami(you see he was so fat,er..thondi in tamil means stomach).But the actor,bowed down and asked him with a true panache,what his majesty wanted.And so the exuberant king ordered the actor to explain the reason for him to take such a role.

It was for his next film -guard,he explained.He needed to get initiated to the role.Why he was even sleeping when the king was not watching,he added.the king was flattered.He told the actor to summon the dancer and go back to sleep.
When the noble left handed minister heard this,he felt a tinge of sweat trickled down his made up pink of health brow.He got up and informed the king that the dancer had left for the United States.The king requested for the painter,at least that should throw some hue on his dull mood.And at this,sweating even more the minister informed the king,that the painter had been thrown into some oasis in a desert in the middle east,as the people wanted didn’t like him.

So informed,the king was dejected.His first day in office,was getting worse.he knew that the priest had been a bogus.He needed something to make him feel better…and as his highness was becoming grumpier and grumpier,entered the protagonist,the jester of jesters,Darshel.

The bubbly Darshel along with his aide ,Deepika,were the talk of every household.The lady was the hit,she was capable of performing multiple roles so well,that Darshel,could carry on his non stop nonsense,he could refuse all the awards they gave him or appear in TV,while the lady entertained the king when the ads came on the court channel.

In a supposed to be mesmerizing move,the clown,with an ave,shouted,long live the king,long live the queen with three hundred cart wheels(who told that people have to cut costs and no testing?He still made his own things,after all he still was the horse and no fiat can make him see otherwise).The king then realized what he needed,a Queen!

And so as the realization struck his perfectly combed,no gel,only oiled hair,he got up ,as if the 19000 RPM he was planning to import had already hit him and ordered everyone in the court to,find me ops,him a queen.The court felt the power.They all felt the nudge,the magical touch ,this they knew was the secret behind the royal line,this is what kept even the most neo-clear counties at bay.And so feeling the Intra court power,they all set about,as if they were trying to find information about a terrorists from the neighboring country.

The court website team was contacted and told to place an ad for a queen.The minister himself went on air,in CCB and assured the world,that the kingdom needed a queen.Reassured people across the world,googled the kingdom of Thondi,which till then they didn’t know existed and even those who knew thought was in the middle of the pacific.The various blogs had informative posts on the kingdom and then went on to add how much money was being wasted on a queen hunt.

A few speculated that a Sarah would be the right choice.And the minister himself,informed the king about this…

 

WHAT IS SAMBAR MAGIC? WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Part two tomorrow(if you really really want to read it,if you say no,it will be a no,so vote properly,this is not for a WWE!) 

 

tagged!

December 16, 2008 § 19 Comments

Again 🙂 This one is by Apar 🙂 Funny how these tags start coming from everywhere on fine day after a long haitus.I am not complaing though,i like doing ’em.There is the sketchy tag,still to be done,10 words,well that will be after Friday,my hands want to do ’em now 😛 

Now this one is where each person is given a alphabet and they have to write words which come to their mind,starting with that alphabet.And i was given J ,so jim jams and jollu here we go 😛 

Joker:-The movie character which i would love to play.Damn inspiring 🙂 

Jollu:-Jollu refers to saliva and the general it is used like jollu ozhukudu(saliva is leaking 😛 ) .So it basically refers to the juicy good food or flirting 😛 In my case,both are valid 😛 

Joy:- A thing of beauty is a joy forever- Keats.Need i sayanything more 😛 

Jungle:-I live in a concrete jungle 😛 

jocund:- A jocund company,we are.(bloggers) 😀 

Jokes:- Mokai(blade jokes,rather contradictory as mokai means blunt,so it should be blunt jokes) is something we Tamils are good at and I am no exception.

Jems:- Yup those round things.I like the chocolate filled center 🙂 

Jewels:- A good investment 🙂 Surely something which i intend to buy 🙂

July:-The month in which i celebrate my birthday.

Jingle:-Its Christmas,Jingle bells,Jingle bells,Jingle all the way!

Jamakalam:-(a mat,usually made of a cloth,spread on the floor and sat upon).Reminds me of yoga class in school 🙂

Jester:- I like wit and people who are swift 🙂 

Justice:- Indian serials and cinema portray the classic erstwhile wig wedded Engish Judges 😛 More seriously the only justice which exists is poetic justice 🙂

Jog:I can walk after than I jog ( 😉  ) 

Jim Jam:- once upon a time my fav biscuit,now it bradman cookies 🙂 

Jam:-I love my mom’s apple jam 🙂 

Jealous:-Something which I leaned isn’t needed.

Jump:-  Like a monkey 🙂 have broken a lot of chairs,beds and what not jumping on them 😛 


Enough of Js,though if i were to think I can come up with many more.

I want to tag a few people on this one,

Nikhil(if you don’t do this,i will give you 25 words to sketch,so choose wisely.)- something tough for you- X.

Manushi:-V 🙂

Chirag:- W 🙂 

Dinesh:-G 🙂

Reema:- B 🙂 

Kiran:- S 🙂

Arvind:- N 🙂 

Back to BS-boring(business) studies.

Sketchy sketchy!

November 14, 2008 § 18 Comments

Yup,sketches again 🙂 This time 9 of them 🙂 So what do you think? 

From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!
From mobile photos!

The smileys!

October 20, 2008 § 19 Comments

 

 

😀

😛

🙂

Yup while a few people might think that they are over estimated.I feel they are one the best mode of expressing emotions.It works everywhere,we all do know smile is more communicable than the flu,well so let us keep smiling!While there are a lot of smilies used to today,the above three are my favorites.They can mean a lot more than their face value.I like to use them to their maximum effect 😀

From photoshopped

The three capsicums

October 1, 2008 § 12 Comments

From misc3

Once upon a time ,well a short while ago,there existed three capsicums,with whom i had a conversation,just before they were chopped and put on top of a pizza and eaten.So lets get going…(click to expand if you aren’t able to read the text)

From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped
From photoshopped

As you can see people!They were fighting too much.So we chopped them up and put them on top of the pizza.I should have known,getting brothers to talk would be this bad.So think the next chat will be with Cheese,so until eat your capsicums!And well i think too much of movie influence in the world today!Veges talking about movies!Wow!And they all are really bad too! *sigh

scribbling on the wall…

August 16, 2008 § 16 Comments

Well i was a bit bored so….take a look 🙂

So which do you think is the best? lol 😛

all aboard the wave express!

July 12, 2008 § 11 Comments

Come aboard the wave express!
let us go in search of the lost chest!
Climb on,climb on nothing to worry,
we will get there in a jiffy!
You can see the ocean floor,
while you are safe behind the door,
you can see the fish,
as you go searching for your riches!
Just sit back and enjoy,
and oh! order your squashes,
and don’t worry we will tighten the latches!
Water,water all around,
oh! we are going below the ground!
while it might seem you are bound,
don’t worry give a shout
and we will let you out,
safe and sound,
you can shake hands with the sharks!
No don’t get scared,we will give ’em their curry.

OH! don’t be in a hurry,
relax and breath free,
if you want crackers and cheese,
it is there behind you,within your reach.
Yup we have passed the marina beach,
we are now below the level of the sea.
OH! feel free,
make your self at home,
would you like to go and see,
the corals or trenches,
or seek the pirates’ riches?
or the ruins of Atlantis?
Now,now don’t be too greedy,
just take a few ruby,
remember those who are needy.
OH! see those wonderful mountains!
One sec,oh! relief,
we managed to avoid the reefs.
nature truly is within our reach,
but we need to be slow and not hasty,
or we might spoil its beauty.
All on board,
get ready to go,
the next stop is there,
so those who want to get out,
bye,see you soon!
And oh! welcome madam,
all aboard the wave express!

Devil ya!

July 1, 2008 § 17 Comments

Here is something fun 🙂 These belong to one of my friends :)Cool na?

watch out ,i will tear you apart 😀

So you thought i was joking? Well take that!

And that!

ha peace!

P.S.: all the photos were taken with my mobile cam 🙂

Ops forgot Calvin 🙂

and Fear of the dark 🙂 (one of my all time favs 🙂 )

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