January 24, 2010 § 20 Comments
This probably has become a habit now. Sunday afternoon posts. There is something comforting about it(though it doesn’t fetch many comments). Today I am going to write something about me.
ASPIRE, is the word. Now what do I aspire to be? The way I talk , people think I have it all figured out. So here is the truth- I haven’t figured out anything.
True, I am doing CA(about 100 days to go for the exam *sigh), but well I am not really into the idea of working as one. I am doing it because otherwise I will be wasting my time with B.Com alone. Of course, not that formal education is going to turn me into Bill Gates.
SO what do I want to be? Well, when I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut, but that seems pretty far away, especially since I am in the commerce stream(you can make my day, by telling me, how I can still become one). Some how the idea of flying in an almost surreal world, combined with views of swargaloka(though I had figured out,even back then, that it didn’t exist) , comets and planets, captivated my imagination.
I used to be left to my own devices. In a world of “big kids” and adults, I usually found day dreaming and imagining more fun. Superman and Spiderman, were never my favorites, simple because they had too much to do with humans. I preferred my own characters and turned even the most mundane object into something awesome.
I used to rearrange chairs and make the nether world beneath tables and beds my cool crafts. In short I wanted to be a superhero, but with another dimension- I wanted to be up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.
Some how I have always felt more comfortable, in my own world. People who know the gregarious me , will be surprised. After all, I keep making friends(and ‘enemies’ so to speak) all the time. But behind that there is that love for being in my own world. And probably that is why, I have never feared any God, as such- I saw the idols as “fun people to play with” and used to think of new wars and stories.
And I used to be shy(The change probably came during the summer of 2007 and of course blogging, but more about it later)- I couldn’t stand being blindfolded(those games at kiddy parties) or being too far away from people I knew. There is a gap of six years between me and my sister, so that probably, added my preference for playing alone.
Building blocks were a strong favourite. I probably would have made will make a very good architect. The scope they offer along with their definite proportions is overwhelming. Only wish I had bigger blocks to build now.
We have a swing at home. And I have never fell down from a swing. For others it might be horses and ponies, for me it is swings.I came up with a variety of polo- cycle polo(among myriad others) The opposition- chairs, tables and anything/anyone in my way.
Imagination changes everything. It gives you a lot of freedom, blank walls become carpets of history and thoughts, the sky holds animals and people.
I was and still am a very cautious person. I never take on anything head first. I see, I analyse and then act. People around me can make fun of me, but I analysed how to walk on walls way before any of my class mates did, I am sure. Walls offer a great way to practise balance.
Walking around the perimeter of my house and imaging all sort of opponents and ways to fight them. I think I have fallen from a wall, only once, that too, when I tried to get down hurriedly, for some unknown reason but then again, that probably is it. I hate making big mistakes and make sure they never happen again(?).
My judgement is mostly right, because as I said, I never get into something without thinking about it. The only place where my prognosis might be wrong, is here, the blogging world. It still hurts to think that my idea failed to materialise.
I am a bad loser. I cannot stand losing. And yet success in competitions, exams and even sports, has eluded me. I set high standards (probably too high, thanks to being the hero in my small little world) and when the bubble broke, I used to feel very very low.
True to my sun sign, I can very emotional, sensitive, while in fact I seem the contrary. And that has given a sort of “emotional photographic memory”. Colours have always fascinated me(my mom will tell you, that she had to teach me “white”, because I refused to accept white to be white, I am very tenacious) and though I am not all that great at drawing, I like to doodle.
Cricket cards and cricket. I remember the vigour with which we used to collect those things. When I grew older, it was replaced with cards, but it was cricket at least till I was 9-10. The only part of cricket I still like is bowling. I like anything which can be made to act under my spell. Batting is no fun, I probably got no where in cricket, because I refused to play forward defence in my coaching class(much much later).
Watching. Trains, autos, sky, construction etc. Sitting quietly and observing things, is second nature to me. And questioning when I don’t understand is first. While now I can articulate and describe it, back then, I think I understood that a lot of effort goes into it and felt that everything could be figured out. The element here is, that things can be moulded and can fit in.
I am already approaching the 1000 words mark, but these are things which I love to recount. Someone questioned me a few years back(on one of my poems), how can someone so young write such stuff. To me and probably to people who have seen me grow up, it has never been a surprise. I enjoy thinking, watching, observing and most of all creating.
|From Drop Box|
I started to write much later. But writing is a sum of all those things which I used to love doing, which I cannot do now because of various reasons. It is my shell, where I can hide, it is where I am the hero again and where things cement and mould into each other, the way I want.
The paint will stain the walls in the angles I want and the sky is probably not that high. unlike other kids, I never wanted to be a doctor when I saw one, an engineer or a teacher, I wanted to be an astronaut and I believed it was possible and still do.
I learnt history, tales and fables and politics through my grand dad. That probably is the reason, why I never struggled in social science like others- I knew them already and to me, they were plays being performed in my head. India in my head, was a fantastic idea, it was a passion and something which we fought for and got it. It is our home and we belong here.
Yet time has disrupted that view. More than time, it is people. I still have the belief in my dreams. I still believe India can be much more, India can be the best. But it is the people. And that is the element, which though I understand a lot about, I fail to understand one thing- the need to be caught in a box. Or maybe I am.
But one thing is for sure. What I want to be, What I really want to be , What I really really want to be, is , a writer. And I am one. It doesn’t matter if no one reads what I write. I have always been the hero. The skies and the walls and the chairs and my friends are there for me. That is why I say, I write for myself.
It probably is a wall, erected to block the disappointment of not being what I imagined what I write will bring to me, but it has a door. You can knock, I am waiting.
P.S:- The post should tell you one more thing about me- I can be random and let my thinking cleave it’s own path.
July 30, 2009 § 12 Comments
As a human being your place on Earth is dependent on your “sense of belonging”. And we try to belong to a myriad number of groups , in various permutations and combinations , but ultimately the one that seems to scar the singular human comradeship is our religious affiliation.
To secularists it causes endless heart aches, to see humans tear apart each other. But then we have come to a point , where a few frown upon these secularists and the heads of such groups declare them as infidels or a threat to their religion and that they need to be dealt with.
Is belonging or not belonging to a religious group all that important?
What has made religion the single autonomous power , with their various Gods?
One argument would be that man in general prefers not to take up responsibility.
The irony here is, we have taken it as our responsibility to take care of these religions , with our life and even more.
As we move into a new Era , where in we have started to accept that we need to change our attitude and our demeanour and approach to solving the pragmatic problems in living, the way we define our “sense of belonging” is quintessential .
The reason for problems is that we interact and in the process two universes of ideas clash , the barring is too much to sustain a bi-ambitious world.
One way to ensure a mono-synthetic society is to conclude that suppression is the only way to maintain a balance. If we look at this syllogism closer , we will find that the major premise is that we need a balance and the minor one that suppression is the only way.
And this exactly is what religion has helped evolve over the ages of humanity.
I do not claim religion is the root of evil , rather that religion has been chained and is being made to do as the masters who control it want it to do. Religion in essence aims at freeing man and hopes to breach the boundaries of human perception.
But in reality the essence of religion lies in the minds of people . The majority of whom are gullible, influenced by the rhetoric of orators and politicians. The reason for this gullibility is because we cannot define what is “good and what is “bad” in absolute sense. The alteration done is so simple that many fail to see it – a change in the yard scale. And to change this , we first need to change the latter premise – that suppression is the key to the balance.
To redefine maintaining a balance in any other way , than the existing one, is going to be a task which is hard to even imagine – we would need to move away centuries of domination and slavery. Unfortunately , the method adopted in India(i.e. giving reservations) is a negative step. In a way it is acknowledging that we have become subservient to the pseudo dogmas. It would only strengthen the hold of the suppressive methods.
What is suppression? This is a important question to answer. I would call it curtailing ‘freedom’.
Freedom is again a word which needs to be defined. You can say freedom is that which gives an individual a proportionate sense of belonging and acceptance. And here lies the answer , to what we can try do.
We need to understand and appreciate freedom. The line between indulgence and freedom may be very thin , almost nonexistent but the crux of freedom lies in the way we perceive and interact with others. Of course we cannot interfere with the way people think or make choices for them , but what we can do is try to remove the vintage prejudices and sneers , by stopping them from reaching our future.
We should try to find our way to a better race , not by thinking what ‘God‘ would find comforting but by understanding that our decisions are binding on the future of our kind. It might seem Utopian to dream of such a day, for after all we are no more than a galaxy of cells working together to survive . But then doesn’t this galaxy coexist without any Upheavals? Of course you can say that their thinking capacity is taken away by the ‘brain’. But what is the brain , but again another collection of cells?
But of course there is always a reflex or death. We can say reflexes give us a short term relief , i.e. revolutions are a temporary respite and well that death is the ultimate end of a bad mind. But then what dies and what lives on?
This is the question , which religions have capitalized on. And through out our history this is the question used as a fear of tool. I do wonder if hell really did exist, didn’t those exploiters realize that they would be the first to be dipped into a cauldron of boiling oil? But of course they do claim that , they are messengers of “God” .
At the same time without fear and guilt , we humans probably will be out of control. But then , I think it is better we remove these fears created by our imagination and present to our kind the real threats – without proper cooperation and coordination our race might bring about its own end; Earthquakes, tsunamis , floods, drought etc .
If we care enough for the living – this is not just about ‘healing the world’ , it is about saving ourselves. The world can take care of itself. Earth as a planet will go on for millions and billions of years. And anyway whatever you do , will affect the entire universe . And no it is not caring for the smaller things – it caring for the most important thing – the ‘I’ .
Kill religion? I don’t think so. We need to kill our inhibitions, which stops us from understanding.
Is killing justifiable? Can you face yourself ?
P.S;- Thanks Indi for helping me in edit this 🙂
July 22, 2009 § 13 Comments
The light shines the brightest
December 28, 2008 § 6 Comments
|From mobile photos!|
And as the world stood below,
The skies are waiting to be conquered.
As the sunlight fades,
A need to be on top dawns.
The demons of hell shall never take a hand,
And even if death might someday,
Descend from the above,
Today,it is there to be won.
Not of avarice or glutton ,
But for the joy of life,
For living,for being human.
No curse can ever take an hand,
for goodness is innate in man.
Yet so an abyss depth can scare
and make you return to the ground.
Yet the inertial desire can never bind,
And so unlike a bird but like
An angle in your dreams,
You want to soar high,
high,higher than life.
Wont feelings can go away,
From this day,
From this moment on,
There is no wrong,
Except that which
threatens to break
The fundamentals of life.
Freedom is that which you can,
Where you are;Being bound,
is the zealous curse of a virus
Whose strength of life is dead.
Though another one among all,
A dot in a line,endless,
If not for you,everything shall
End.A code, fathomless,
Between an end and beginning
known yet unknown,
For such is the refection,
Surreal in reality,
yet real in immortality.
Many dreams surround,
Myriad dreams make life,
It shall go by,
And all i wish is to reach
Beyond my reach,
Move away from the circles,
Take a leap from the vertex
of a triangle and move along,
the line,my locus shall be within.
Reality is what i perceive
And when i sleep,
The world is lull,
And me with alive
And morals within,I abide by.
The light shines the brightest
November 10, 2008 § 13 Comments
|From mobile photos!|
Those birds in the sky,
they push there wings out and fly.
As the sun sets,they return for the night.
In a flock,without a fight.
In a big city they live,
There haunts being window sills.
In the concrete filled with dark myth
They know every nook and labyrinth.
At dawn long before the stars are gone,
The skies they head and fawn.
For food the sweep down
In one stroke leaving the ground brown.
Yet all i see of them,
Flirting along the skies realm
Is a moments of wing spread glory-
Wish i too can be like the free.
|From mobile photos!|
October 27, 2008 § 18 Comments
Courage it is and courage it shall be,
and to conquer all that is to be.
The world is waiting to be roamed
and life at every step is formed
and the roots grow,
and boulders are broken through
or passed over and their existence’s
value is left to be pondered.
A maverick’s heart,it takes,
to fight the world and the fakes.
Creation is the will,
and hypocrisy its contradiction.
And that shall come to an end,
when we have the courage,
to accept that we are free
to do as we please,as long as
we follow the light
and question every step
and understand what is right.
A thousand dreams,the birds
have wings and beak,
we have the mind and hands,
to bake mud into bricks
and understand the illusion and tricks.
And courage,it takes,
to go against those think otherwise,
for sometimes the strength of vice
is such that,in you it lies.
And so we have the candle,
the light exists everywhere
all we need to do is,
light it upon the flame
and after that it won’t be the same
and there is no shame
and glow everything will in your name.
and courage it will be,
to know what is really free.
the light shines the brightest