Devil’s eyes?(k actually the title should be whatever. Whatever read on)

From singapore

-Whatever. I wanted to post something. I have a tag pending. I want to do it, but well guess am not in the mood/my cold is irritating me.

-Ha but the title, now why is that we always associate scary eyes with the devil? I like people with cat eyes and such.

-Follow me twitter.

-Going to Trichy tomorrow, be back on Saturday.

-I am studying more, these days.

-A gentle reminder, this is my poetry blog.

– Wait there is something behind you, what is that?

-Hockey has just be replaced my “Breaking News” as the national sport.

-The IPL becomes the film with the biggest budget till date.

-Haven’t played my violin in a long time.

-My English has started to depreciate.

– So this fellow thinks he is thondiraja. Sorry dude. That’s me. Even though I am not fat.

-Why are people so short?

-Why can’t people drive properly?

-You find this way easier to read and comment right?

-There are more women/girls who read and comment in blog, then men. Fact or fiction?

-I want to act in a movie.

-The ultimate solution to India-Pak problems- have a tweet up.

– Bye.

-Good night.

-Sleep dreams.

-Oh! wait, you are reading this in your office?

-Tell your boss, you googled a Client’s name and the above photo popped up as a result.

-If he doesn’t believe it, send him an African Lottery scam mail.

-Oh! btw I love this song. What does it mean? Deepika looks good in the movie, should watch it.

-bye.

P.S:- No no this is not Vimmuuu or his cousin.

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Hullaballoo in the country

We love our country and there can be no doubt about our nationalism , in fact in the concrete jungle you and me live in,we love it so much,that all we do is take those vagabonds of democracy as a daily factor. Why wouldn’t it be? After all we are more bothered about “soft-ware”  and our OS,but when a Virus does infect we might realize it is time to get a good anti-virus.Anyway these are the things which had their two paise of thought-value, i.e. which caused the proponent , paradigm persuader in me to surface during my exams.

-I can vouch for my city. Those on two wheels have no sense.In a jam packed traffic jam,you can find these heroes “fly” much like their namesakes in ads and block the opposite lanes ; Maybe their logic is based on the sumptuous ideology of “equality” which very few people understand anyway. Oh! and to add to that,how about this,they try to ape the anorexic curves of their revered feminine leads by meandering around cars and buses, causing the drivers of those  to brake over and over again,hmm..how will the traffic move? You know all it takes to get your lisence,is five hundred rupees.

And I should add ,they don’t have any respect for such things as  “one ways” , ” no U turns” etc etc.And our famous Auto drivers,well they are from another planet, Chennai is not complete without them and their “Madras Tamil”.

So I started of with something not important at all. And you can’t blame me.There is so much happening around,that you fail to realize that this is one country.

-In a porous and beguile corner of the country, a politican  went about haranguing his affiliation to 80% of the population. And with all sincere sinistral anti-secular chauvinism he raved about the power at his disposal. He is standing for elections you see and the likes of Hitler came to power after such critical acclimation isn’t it?  He is a victim according to his own palpable pride ,whether he is  or not, the election commission cannot do anything about it,they can’t ban him,even he was,what would be the difference? Remember the ban on smoking? 

-Apparently we live in a country,where seats are fought for. A political music chairs ensued and every party and every member wants a chair,they all are running literally, fueled by the Omnipresent media and their bulletin tunes . Personally I would like to see Congress in power,mainly because the “others” seem to be too…,too….well fill it up. And well a politician should be a called a politician.

-And talking about election the nation is all jagoore and 49-O . No I am not trying to say don’t use it,but you are using it to what purpose? Who cares about your vote? Come on ,you have a television set,they have IPL for you,live from England or SA ,go watch that,a convenient agreement.

From photoshopped

-Yup they call it the Indian Premier League. And rightly so,we send it to the isle this year,the isle from where it came.The sad thing of course is that,they would be competing with football.I know a few who are members of fan clubs ,now there goes your money,go fight like those people on MTV shows for your money back. And I don’t like cricket anyway. Taking in the fact that the football season is at its tail end,people would care more about their football teams than the cricket ones ( Arsenal shall win the FA and the champions league I tell you!)

-There was a spectacle over a pair of old spectacles. Apparently that particular pair will cure all addicts of their alcoholism and proliferate down to the prop-a-ganged masses and make the cities all clean and white. I think they would erect the statue of the father of communal-ism here(who ever he is) and also the patron of corruption,surely we are sinners if we don’t? 

There is of course a lot more,when I say lot,hell of a lot more. But then NEWS now days,is really fast that,even terrorists are finding to get their full fifteen minutes of fame. And all this makes me wonder,what is this reality? I maybe an Idealist(my next post is about that) but I am sure who knows the reality. This person seems to be( do read the blog,amazing stuff).

We of course had the horrorscope and the stamp scam stamped away. An update on something more closer to home,YU! has woken up at last ,do participate.

And now I will go back to questioning myself about my blog’s ever depreciating authority,if only this was a Vols it would ” depreciation for now,Appreciation forever”(or something like that,I like that ad).

P.S: Thankfully I used the spell check.It seems in the past two weeks,my spellings have taken a new induction to the retro me.

P.P.S:- This is my attempt to improve i.e., keep it short and be more gracious in using punch-u-nations.

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 7!(spoof)

read part 6 here

And like any proper movie dog,it was trained.This was no ordinary slumdog,this was a slumdog,with a English touch,given to the sage by the English man who just fell in love with the aroma of Sambar,the man was also passionate about telling lies,but now was nowhere to be seen.

The gentlest men in this Earth are not those who wear a Armani and eat Thayirsadam(curd rice) made by some mammi,nor are they crickters who grew up dreaming about an actress and a Ferrari.No ad in the world can display the gentleness of men,for the weight of their beard will crush them but the living example was our king.And as he ran,so light he was that everything became as still as a statue at a road corner,showered with crow poop.

And every creature with 6 senses or less,watched the great thodiraja chase the great dog with the English touch.This was the race of the century(a few film critics commented that this running was inspired by Wall-e but the truth is ,well that is a secret,go file a Right to info case to know..) ,the king desperately tried to catch the dog,much like a hero in a tamil cinema chases his twin brother,much like boys chase the girls in school,but the ending was inevitable,you can’t enter everywhere and so the dog reached safe house,in the form of a ladies rest room.

The king felt misreable,so miserable,he almost began to weep,his innerwear almost turned pink but then from nowhere,the rest room changed(unlike platform 9 3/4,you don’t need to run into something,like it is a relative who you don’t want to see) into a hut. The king was mesmerised,if only this was a movie,he could nominate for the Oscars and the place had some magic about it…

Suddenly he heard someone singing inside,the lyrics seemed familiar,” oh  baby one more time…” and there appeared the sage,dressed in a Tommy tee and a mallu style lungi.

“Oh! myi eet hhhis the graaat king thondi,haaaw is yaaar taaaammy bro? Did toemmy make you ron taa mach? ”

The king was shocked,”You a mellu? ” he asked the sage,he gulped and added,” are you a namboothri? ”

“Ha! No no,that is just a fake accent,I was trying out these lungis and namboothri,is that a Abishiek Bachan movie? And Krishna,Rama ,Govida,they are trying to sermonize me now! Those senas,I am cancelling their thondi membership and launching a mallu magenta lungi  campaign against them.But what is that in your hand? ”

“This? It is the latest tech from mircosoft,they wanted me to count the number of times the thing crashes,their logic being is that if it crashes lesser times than the PC,then they should dump it.” 

“Ha! But you are caring a room heater to Chennai,Corruption to a government,Bail out to the Americans and and oh come trying to teach earthlings to be peaceful! I have all the technology and I have tried that out one too,it sucks,it crashes so many times per hour that I lost count,I mean it was more than the awards,Slumdog has won,oh! do you why the movie became famous? ”

“Why?”

“because they had sambar magic,they are a rare success…” And then the lights dimed and a song burst out and the sage continued,” Oh!thats a ARR special which I had made,anyway…see my hands and listen to me speak by my beard..”

And the king sees the hands,he sees a magical ring..he goes into a trance and he hears the sage speak…

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 6!(spoof)

read part 5 here.

 

And the computer crashed! The king got irritated and was about to blow up,but something struck him!He looked beyond that which is seen-The OS was vista and yes it lived up to its name! If you want something search it out! Such divine revelation! Maybe that is why he opened the gates and ran out and made lots of bills! Ha and so the king set about preparing the trip.

But before any packing,he needed to eat.He took out his mobile and called the wonderful home minsiter.The minister barked into the phone,

” And yes we are facing problems! But law wasn’t written in a day! It took more than two years to write,word by word,issue by issue,problem by problem! Just read the fine print! You guys missed out the star! –Conditions apply!”

The king took in a couple of deep breaths and in a icy voice replied,

“My fine sir! If only life can be made fair,by using a fairness cream! Now this is your king here.I do appreciate your preparations for the world human rights day summit,but if you want to hold on to your stars,better get into that ferrari of yours and be here and if you don’t I will have that head of yours and that branded spectacles chopped like interest rates!” 

And the minister in a mocking tone replied,

” Oh! Sire,but pardon me! I shall be there! I was preparing for the call in programme, evidently they want human rights unplugged! In fact they are giving world leaders free calls! Its about tigers you see and men with beards,you see! I shall be there!” 

And the phone went dead.Ha but the king forgot to tell him to bring him food! He dialed again-

“All lines are currently busy,please dial later!” 

“Oh! by my great thondi!” The thondiraja blew,”what is this! ”

And the power went out.Even as the generators were switched on,the king’s face turned white! But just as a major explotion was about to take place as if someone was testing nuclear weapons under the bed of a ill leader,the home minister ran home!The pace at which he did run,was amazing!If the olympic sprinters were to run without steriods then this would be it!

The miniter went on his knees and apologised! There can be no doubt,this was true culture! This cooled the king,like a beer from a bar in Mad-lur! 

“Chiao! Cheeks ! Thats polite ! I am pleased,but now get up,If you want to get married,go to Mad-lur or Bad-lur and sit in a park on fourteenth of this month with a girl! Cheap and easy! the media will also be there! I will gift you a saffron colour ice cream!  My such social service! And oh! Remember to wear the Levi jeans and the miss…who ever it is,that pink,Venus’ short shirts! ”

beliwered the minister answered

” But I am already a married man! ”

” Then get up and get me something to eat! I shall be going for a hike! So I will not be here for a while! Now remember to check the date on all invitations for thondi idol! Oh! And please avoid bad translation! I don’t want people to think this is any other show! IT IS THE IDOL show! Why even Jackson wants to take part! Too bad he isn’t a citizen of Thondi! And don’t forget to forget sending an invitation to Himesh! Let him stay there and sing for the queen! And remember to create some problem or the other everyday or I will be penalized by the news channels and remember to check that the proper diet is served for the children of thondi! ”

And the king took a breath but before he could resume,the minister ran, now more like a sprinter on steriods to fetch the food! He had never heard the king so unhumourous! If only it was the economy ,he could bail it out!

The king now left alone,he tried to on the comp,he pressed and pressed it,nothing happened….until in rage he kicked it,with the Ronaldo technique! And boom! He was suddenly in the Sambar world! But at a different place…Now wait a minute it seemed to make some sense..

 

“SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

But his voice,he was no sage with a mouth in his foot! He didn’t SMS anyone did he, he took out his mobile again and to his surprise he found that he had a message in his inbox,

“This V day free massage for you and your other half at 50% discount! Hurry limited offer!”

“Ha pity, will this lead to him finding his better half! Ha this Sambar,it is crazy! Like a croc in a T.V. ad   ! Now he needed to find a blot. But he realzied that million dollar pens don’t blot nor does anyone in the state of Thondi own a decent leaky parker! The poorest man was..poor? That was never heard of in thondi,where will he get this pen!”

He thought and began to take a stroll…His sudddenly turned around and saw a dog following him.No this was not  a gift from his mobile network to follow him everywhere! This was no  voota-phone(voota -borken) ,something caught his attention,he started closing in on the dog.The Dog seeing such a huge figure coming close to it,turned and began to run!

The great big fat,Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja ran.It was a sight to behold,a mark in history! Something which obese children will read in the future and get inspired by,he started spriting like Captain VJkanth ,this was what the doctor..er…sage ordered for..

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? ”

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? ”

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! ”

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well  I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker? 

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

”

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”

 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

 “SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

 “Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka! I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? ”

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

“The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 4!(spoof)

Read part3 here.

 

And the apple hit the king’s head.The king was propelled into a headtrip,the sun turned blue,the guards started singing like Britney and the minister’s clothes turned pink and a medieval slum from some where,appeared.

The king was confused.How can an apple,have this effect? He felt miserable,so miserable that he decided to watch CC2C .He claped his hand and with a sparrow appeared Jack Sparrow he was called. ” Where am I? Get me CC2C,ha macabre,pirate,monkeys don’t eat meat! Where is the pirated DVD? ” 

“Oh!King the pirates of Somalia have seized it!”

“What thou too Jack? And what happened to your compass? ”

“Oh!desperate times sire,had to sell it,thanks to the depression!American’s have reduced imports!”

“OH! how bad can this get? A painted king,upon a painted pink? This is insanity,my I do wonder how Newton got along,maybe thats why he decided to think of far more romantic things like the moon and going in circles..”

“What ,no don’t dream…er..your thondiness..wait…We do have RBDJ,SRK you know…”

“No,no I need a jodi for thondi Idol..I liked that Pinto lady,in Slumdog…ha Why do they call it hot dog,when it doesn’t have a dog?”

A dolrum ,the king heard.It seemed to be screaming,give the king sambar,give the king sambar.

“Ha Jack,get me some sambar!”

“Sambar? Nothing ..i ain’t know anything like that mate..hmm..King!”

And in a world of his own,the king broke down to a song,much like a drunken thief on a drowning island.The people around him were troubled.Who would give their bonus and other incentives and those long meals at Taj,gateway to thondi? And the king didn’t have a sun..er..son yet! Something needed to be done.

Someone came running,it was a pretty girl.Ha modest,cute,but she seemed foreign .

“Oh! men of virtues old and new!” She began,” those who have taken the pledge to be corrupt and thus make sure your future is safe!I know the solution!” 

“HA! my lady,who are you doesn’t matter,all that matters is you help our king,name your price!” After all he looked local enough,demanding and all.

” First let me make the king calm,datacalm…”

And she went to the dissembled king and bowed,as if he was an statue which crows graced and then said an incantation,”Zuka zuka zukiii zuk…zukier zuk zahir zak zaki zakkiiii zakoki zakim zakiw zakique “(censored as it is top secret).

The king became calm,as calm as a person who informs the world,he is a fraud and they can’t do anything,as they don’t know his Swill bank Pin code.

She turned around.”It is the curse,but once I break,the king will be enlightened.He shall solve all the problems.And for that very reason,we need protection,so that no terrorist comes in his way and forces him to create more weapons of mass destruction.And now price…

“All of you get out of here.”

The minister argued,”but we cannot,we need to ensure his safety.”

“See I am not wearing any shoes,so I shall not throw any at him.I do not have planes,so I won’t bomb him.I do not have any Polonium so I will not poison him.So if you won’t your king,get out, or I am going to…”

And without any other choice and considering their unfortunate circumstances,the guards and the ministers left.

The lady took out a mirror,placed it on the calm king’s head.Punched his big stomach thrice and  hailed the lords of Thondi and smashed the mirror much like the ancient custom.The mirrorcracked .The king fell down. Everything became silent.Silence prevailed.AS calm as the world was when Obama took the pledge,but of course there was no one taking a pledge. Divorces in the US weren’t fought,as the judge was stunned how his wig became black,no one was bumped ,even Israel decided to call a cease fire and no Viva voce took place for that wonderful moment.

The Gods seemed to be watching,the spirits of thondi,came about and blessed,their progeny,lest he be condemned to celibacy.A new spirit descended into the king.He came to know that all this was the work of the Sambar,the sambar magic!He woke up,slowly,he took in the world and the lass.He was struck by her beauty,but unlike some desperate teenager,he smiled ruefully,cleaned with the latest product from Tollgate.

The world began to breath easy.The king got up,the lady got up,they kissed,their souls met,unpolluted,the factories didn’t run as the employees were on a strike,the roads were clean,as the bus drivers were on strike. The birds chirped,the flowers bloomed,the sea dashed of L’oreal’s latest water colour,marriage’s are made in heaven,kisses are made with lips…Quid pro quo.

They watched the sun set into the far off beach,Sambar magic was working,the king felt as fat as ever.

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 2!(spoof)

Read part one here.

 

The king once informed,was elated.He gave his wonderful ministers a treat in the Taj,near the Gateway of  Thondi.While eating an exotic fifty course meal,he was informed,that the lady in question was angry and was planning to sue the king of thondi in the international court of justice,for using her name.Confused and perplexed,the king,had a second helping of each dish.

The great Thondiraja,returned to his court.He knew the only way to help cool a person who lived in the artic(almost),was to send a “hot” gift.The singer Himesh would have been useful,but unfortunately he was in England.The sight of the latest AK 74,caught his eyes.What better gift,to give a person? After all the cold might get to her head and she might need something to help.He would send her some wine from his vineyards in France and a few guns.

The minister was summoned and told to write a letter,intricately describing,the beauty of American culture and their wonderful screaming music.The minister being a financial genius,praised the wall street businessmen and their slyly tactics.The letter was then sprayed with the latest deo from axe.The wine and the letter were shipped to the Arctic.A couple of days later,he received a mail from the lady and that she was impressed.

The king didn’t not like this at all.The queen should be more terrifying,so terrifying that the devil’s of interviews should cry and wish to be exported to some country.The king sent her a CD of Suprabatham and wished her long life.

After all the hullabaloo the king,was tired and wanted some real romance.So before parading his fleet of concords to another country and hunting a lady,he wrote a post on his blog condemning the air strikes by one country on another.This way the ministers would be kept on their toes and they would not eat too much,get a heart attack and die forcing him to return early.

At the airport,while he was about to board his plane,in a rather filmy style,an old man with a long beard and a sitar appeared.It would be blasphemy not to give a full account of what happened,so the actual conversation which took place:-

King Thondi:-Who are you? I am off to find a wife,so unless you have a daughter,you can talk.Since that is unlikely,move out of way of I shall crush you.

The man with the bread:- Oh wise one,my name would not be needed here.But I am the man who can offer you solace.

King Thondi:-Solace,Quantum of Solace? I didn’t like the movie.That fellow looked older than you,old man.And i would have been a better hero.I don’t talk to people without names,so be fast,i don’t want to waste the tax payer’s money by keeping the planes running!

The man with the beard:-

My father’s name is Bhrama

and my fav line is Narayana.

Krishna’s best friend was Sudhama,

Narayana Narayana,

from the Himalaya to Kumari,

From Ganga to Kaveri,

I am the sage who has fun

All the while on the run-

I am Narada.

Or at least,i played the part in Doordarshan.So call me that.Anyway I too pay taxes,so follow me oh! great king,who can eat the enitre universe,please follow me,I shall get you a wife.

King thondi:-Ha interesting,now I can Identify you,the bread has changed you.A queen? Who is she? Is she hotter than Shakira? Can she dance? Can she sing? Oh! you great Narada? 

The man with the bread:-By the merc your father gave me,yes she is way way better,follow me.

And so the king ordered the planes to be shut.He wouldn’t have lost,after all the fuel prices ha come down.He then  followed the man with the beard.

They entered the forests,the king held his gun ready,there were rumors that a pink panther was moving about.But the man with the bread,motioned him to put the gun down.And then,like Ronaldo,measuring a free kick,the man with the bread,measured 5 steps talked to a tree,complained that the bushes had grown too fast and ran and smacked a near by stone.The stone bounced of another tree,enraged,he took it on the volley and this time hit went over the tree and landed some distance away in a small pond.

The scenery changed.There in the middle of what seemed to be a heaven in earth,was a river.But instead of water,sambar flowed.The king was stunned,why he didn’t know the Sambar river went through Thondi,he thought it was only a myth.

He then realized it was another world,a world with a world.And at that moment his phone rang.The Sambar magic began.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 1!(spoof)

Once upon a time,long long ago,well not so long ago,the kingdom of Thondi was ruled by the great king,the magnanimous,the felicity showering philanthropist Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

The reason for the three Rajas preceding his name is the fact that all his forefathers who sat at that crown had the name Thondiraja and he being the fourth ,he had to add his three ancestors name to his.Now it would have been easier to just say Thondiraja the fourth,but being a very superstitious race,they had to consult the temple priest.The priest being a fan of long names,sat down to contemplate the case referred.He knew he the name had to be long,but to call the king anything but thondiraja,would be taken as a kingly sin.So after much thought and endless cups of buttermilk from the royal kitchen,he pretended to consult an almanac and see the distant stars,who at that point,if one had checked could not be seen,thanks to the sun,he came up with the name Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja.

So upon being crowned on an auspicious day(the astrologers dinner ,5 gold coins,the courtesans for him,another 10 gold coins,the arrangements for the function 100 gold coins,the new jewelery and dress designed by Armani 50 gold coins,advertising during Big brother 25 gold coins,Having SRK and a cat in that ad,15 gold coins but the moment was priceless for him, even though he didn’t have a mastercard,he was the master after all) he entered his palace.

The royal musician,Himesh sang his new song, specially composed for the occasion.The new king,couldn’t stand such atrocious music,he knew the old story that,his father wanted to save the subjects from this fellows torture and so had brought him to the court.He felt a need to do something about this fellow.the Raja,thondi raja,sat on the Italian fur mat,checked the time on his swiss watch and pronounced his first verdict-He would send this wonderful singer,as his gift to the queen of England.He had heard she was cost cutting and had sacked her musicians.He told his right hand minister Chidambaram,to write a letter to the honourable lady vindicating his gift.And so the slyly minister took up his pen(which he had flicked from the treasury) and wrote a 6 yard letter,in such colourful words,that the musician in concern,beamed in pride and almost began to sing again.But some how,they managed to get him out before the cacophony(though the word seems small)began again.

Now having lost a musician and knowing that it would take him sometime to import the Germany technology and the American singers,he was left to contemplate how he would pass his time.Glancing again at his time piece(which he didn’t pay for,it was a gift from a Swiss bank,when he deposited his gold) he decided to summon the court dancer.He clapped his hands twice and a guard appeared.He was about to give him the order,when he noticed that the guard looked familiar.And like a forest fire,it came to him,it was Amir! His favorite star!he got up and jumped so much,that the satellites picked up images of another tsunami(you see he was so fat,er..thondi in tamil means stomach).But the actor,bowed down and asked him with a true panache,what his majesty wanted.And so the exuberant king ordered the actor to explain the reason for him to take such a role.

It was for his next film -guard,he explained.He needed to get initiated to the role.Why he was even sleeping when the king was not watching,he added.the king was flattered.He told the actor to summon the dancer and go back to sleep.
When the noble left handed minister heard this,he felt a tinge of sweat trickled down his made up pink of health brow.He got up and informed the king that the dancer had left for the United States.The king requested for the painter,at least that should throw some hue on his dull mood.And at this,sweating even more the minister informed the king,that the painter had been thrown into some oasis in a desert in the middle east,as the people wanted didn’t like him.

So informed,the king was dejected.His first day in office,was getting worse.he knew that the priest had been a bogus.He needed something to make him feel better…and as his highness was becoming grumpier and grumpier,entered the protagonist,the jester of jesters,Darshel.

The bubbly Darshel along with his aide ,Deepika,were the talk of every household.The lady was the hit,she was capable of performing multiple roles so well,that Darshel,could carry on his non stop nonsense,he could refuse all the awards they gave him or appear in TV,while the lady entertained the king when the ads came on the court channel.

In a supposed to be mesmerizing move,the clown,with an ave,shouted,long live the king,long live the queen with three hundred cart wheels(who told that people have to cut costs and no testing?He still made his own things,after all he still was the horse and no fiat can make him see otherwise).The king then realized what he needed,a Queen!

And so as the realization struck his perfectly combed,no gel,only oiled hair,he got up ,as if the 19000 RPM he was planning to import had already hit him and ordered everyone in the court to,find me ops,him a queen.The court felt the power.They all felt the nudge,the magical touch ,this they knew was the secret behind the royal line,this is what kept even the most neo-clear counties at bay.And so feeling the Intra court power,they all set about,as if they were trying to find information about a terrorists from the neighboring country.

The court website team was contacted and told to place an ad for a queen.The minister himself went on air,in CCB and assured the world,that the kingdom needed a queen.Reassured people across the world,googled the kingdom of Thondi,which till then they didn’t know existed and even those who knew thought was in the middle of the pacific.The various blogs had informative posts on the kingdom and then went on to add how much money was being wasted on a queen hunt.

A few speculated that a Sarah would be the right choice.And the minister himself,informed the king about this…

 

WHAT IS SAMBAR MAGIC? WAIT TO FIND OUT!

Part two tomorrow(if you really really want to read it,if you say no,it will be a no,so vote properly,this is not for a WWE!) 

 

Of the nation!for the nation?by the nation?

Well yes,i am going write something again.The big village or the global village,is in big trouble.Unfortunately,there are no captain planets here,to do something about it.Ha ya,Captain planet,i remember him,he is an hero,evil things(?) bring down to zero,he is the power….It is something like that na.But then,we need someone don’t we.And what all most of us have got in common?-fingers,yes,really good looking fingers,which can be pointed at others,no it wasn’t me,it was you.Simple,isn’t it?Or well even simpler,there is the middle finger!Wow! 

Why should I care,anyway? Everyone is writing,about a nun who was raped in Orissa.And yes,together,all of have damned it,said that we all are ashamed etc etc.Hmm,great,Hindus ,we are, right? And well those people ,well if we call those things,people,then what are we? It should be either them or ‘us’ who are people.Who should be called people and what should the rest be called? I leave that to you.I can’t find a word for such creatures,who above all,in my eyes,are trying to destroy the very thing they think the represent.Creature is a word,but then creatures are maybe up of some stuff,which makes them realize their value,these things,don’t know their own value.It has come to a stage,where i don’t feel angry any more,why waste my anger on these things?

The government pointed finger at the center and the center at the government and we the citizens,pointed fingers at those who committed the crime and then at the government.And we all wrote and thought and told our neighbours how we feel bad about the whole thing.We then realized all our houses have enough doors and safety latches,and unless,we are going to do a nuke test tomorrow and the Americans decide to invade(their,economy is in trouble!Come on,we know Uncle Bush don’t we? Of course it is going to be Obama,but then,what is the UN for? ) ,we all are safe.We don’t need to worry about our money,our leaders are very good,they rob us,by just taxing us,they don’t try to concentrate wealth,by doing bailouts!And besides,in our country corruption runs in the blood and well stands on the rivers too,patta land,on dry river beds,anyone?

I feel bad,really bad,for those who were affected by the attacks,i vaguely remember reading somewhere,about witch hunts in Europe long ago,guess,someone has been reading some  history,and well bollywood might have had an influence too ,you know,with raping and all,only thing those people get paid and these people don’t get paid.And ya,talking about bollywood,influence,how about kids in primary school using words such as FUCK and taking about sex etc? No i am not talking about censorship,at least someone tell them things properly!

And oh! where are the police,i mean the moral police? (we all know where the police,don’t we? ) Where are they,come on tell them to get out into the streets and correct these people! Come on you are the ones who claim ,we need to preserve our culture right? Or are these people really saving our culture? Great isn’t it? Oh!Krishna,Rama,govinda,and all the sundry Gods, let us call them,shall we?Let us ask them.the reason why we need to ask them,is because we don’t understand what they said,it was too complicated.It doesn’t matter whether we need sex education or not,now that we have the news channels to show us,we need to have sense education,you know just tell those,idiots,that they are contradicting themselves too much.And oh!in between maybe we should get those great leaders,behind Bajrang Dal or Vishwa Hindu Parishad,to promote the use of condoms,at least,the government can save some money,on the advertisements.But i guess,then that money too would be sent to their Swiss banks accounts,who knows.

Well all is not bad,in the country as of today.The Tata’s pulled out of Bengal,now the lady behind this has supposedly had a victory ,might be the state governments told her to do it,you know,it would show the poor infrastructure,if the Nano comes,but then,don’t they see that they can make more money? More bridges will be needed and they all would get their cut.

And what is at the base of all these problems in the country? Justice is lacking,hmm…oh! of course our judiciary! Oh,my I remember reading so much of it,in school! Isn’t our constitution the third classic we have given to the world? And maybe that is the reason most people don’t know the law,who has time for classics? Maybe you can make a movie out of it!It has it all,who would you like to see acting in the movie? 

And before I end all this,Shouldn’t we do something about all this? We all are writing and writing and we might make a new classic out of what we bloggers have written i guess,but then we should do something! If each and everyone of us,can just say a big NO,collectively,can’t we get more and more people to join us and actually get some kind of order ? Why should we keep quite? They get the media,they get the cameras,but we have a voice,too,we are not nobodies,why can’t we stand firm and show them,that they are destroying our country!Can’t we do this much for ourselves? We all see a grim picture when we think about the future,then why aren’t we ready to change it all! We got our freedom(?) at midnight,now the night is over,it is day ,so wake up and do it for yourself and your future.

The following posts “inspired” me to write this:-

Raping bonanza in Orissa!!! by Amit

Mother!India? by Shakti

The three capsicums

From misc3

Once upon a time ,well a short while ago,there existed three capsicums,with whom i had a conversation,just before they were chopped and put on top of a pizza and eaten.So lets get going…(click to expand if you aren’t able to read the text)

From photoshopped

From photoshopped

From photoshopped

From photoshopped

From photoshopped

From photoshopped

From photoshopped

As you can see people!They were fighting too much.So we chopped them up and put them on top of the pizza.I should have known,getting brothers to talk would be this bad.So think the next chat will be with Cheese,so until eat your capsicums!And well i think too much of movie influence in the world today!Veges talking about movies!Wow!And they all are really bad too! *sigh