September 13, 2009 § 16 Comments
There is a lot going on right now. So much so that I can’t pick one thing and write about it. On one side, we have the jet,set,stop saga going on and on the other side, a guy has been chucked out of school for sporting a beard.
I have a lot of tags pending and yes I got a few awards as well in between, but then, I don’t feeling like doing tags or passing on awards(been trying to do them and end up writing some nonsense, wrote some 3 drafts and got no where).
Book reviews are it. Unlike movie reviews, they keep getting you hits and at the same time you talk about something worth while.
I tried to do some self portraits(using the cam) and well they turned out sour, actually I thought they were good, but then one of my friends told me out right it sucked and I realized it does.
Haven’t sketched in a long time, I have accumulated three refills for my trimax pen, have one in my college bag, one in my shelf and well I think I put the other one somewhere else.
Have these IPCC(erstwhile Inter) – CA classes in the morning(it’s supposed to be for 4 days a week , but well…) , it start at like 7 and goes on till 1- 1:30. It’s interesting, really and I have joined only for two subjects(accounts and costing) so its kinda fun, since both of them involve calculations. But then I am not an early bird and sleeping at 1-2 am and waking up at 5:30 isn’t, lets say refreshing.
And add to that college, from 2:30 pm to 7:45, rotten. I get to hear stuff like ” I am not a lorry to carry your sorry” , ” refer your book if you have a doubt” and some swearing by another Prof. , who seriously is going to get in trouble with the students.
Mr.Mosquito, is quite irritating, he made us subscribe to the Business Line, blackmailed us, promising us that he won’t pass on our Sem. exam forms. When I have payed I expect them to give me the paper but we haven’t it yet. The only concession I get out of subscribing for it is that I can recover some more money from the old paper fellow(for the record we by enough NEWS papers and magazines at home and I don’t have enough time/patience to read them all 😛 I use Indiameme.com instead :D) .
Economics is the only class which is even remotely interesting. The English Prof. is okay. The pace at which he takes the lessons is slightly irritating, but then there are many who don’t understand English, so that is understandable.
I am able to survive in college, thanks to a few people- D, A , R, Su, S etc(I don’t really care for anonymity but this is more fashionable I guess, like saying I am doing CA), its fun trying to experiment on a few creatures(asking them questions and listening to answers which unless you are a fellow like me can startle you or even start of a communal war). There is this fellow Tomato , quite a creature. Irritates everybody and (almost) got his faced punched.
And I should but mention the whistlers and the smokers. The smokers are cows, they keep chewing bubble gum or mouth fresheners , no wonder ITC is doing great, so much for govt. responsiblity and the ban on smoking. The whistlers, well they keep whistling to irritate the Profs. They bang benches, scream(and I thought American singers were the worst!!) shot things etc. So much for them being from good schools, they lack any sort of sense and (sometimes) they give me a headache with their endless eccentricity idiocy.
My violin mater is organizing a celebration for his arts school and my sis and I are going to play in that. Yup, he turned up after like 3 centuries and yes we hadn’t practised in a long time 😛 I am looking forward to this; But I keep forgetting the notes or get mixed up. If only you can see inside my head, you can understand the way in which I try to remember the notes, learning chemistry till 10th(and in my case for another term in 11th) proves to be useful after all.
I have made it a point to update my poetry blog at least once a week. Once upon a time, I wanted more and more people to read my poetry, but now it’s changed, Am happy to show it to people whom I think understand it; The fact that a few poems may go without a comment really doesn’t affect me, in fact it is better that way.
Everyone is turning into an author. I seem to be the only one who hasn’t it. Self publishing is cool, but if no one buys your book, it is going to hurt you, so am staying away from it.
Its been ages since I played football. Bunked college and was kicking around on Friday. It’s scary when you suddenly realize you are becoming fatter. But I can lose weight as fast as I gain it, so no problems I guess.
Comment sections are where I am really putting my views down, now days(no not mine but on other’s post). Then again, I haven’t been reading as many blogs as usually do. I must confess , I have been thinking about leaving this blog to rot, but the fact that this has become an online home, stops me from doing it.
My stand on things haven’t changed, the more I come mingle with the world, the more hopeless it all seems. My optimism might soon peter out. There are moments, when I feel everything here is useless(ya maybe that teeny thing). I feel we can be a catalyst in a change, but then is it worth trying to induce a reaction, when it might lead to your depletion?
Blogging too seems to have lost its purpose. I used to love comments, now I just like them. End of the day, I seem to be reading those blogs, which I find are written by people whom I think write really well. Reading gives you a sense of belonging and I like the comfort, pity though I am too tired and I tend to fall as sleep, the second I feel comfortable.
Talking about feeling tired, strong coffee does it. And yes, it gives you this wonderful feeling, you don’t feel anything, things just flow by.
I want to have fun, real fun. Play football for like 4 hours a day or something. I think this post has gone out control. I should stop I think. I have plenty more to say, but then I don’t want people leaving comments such as “phew! that was long” etc, its fine if you say it a couple of times, you can always ignore my long posts(no offense meant) and comment on the shorter ones, you will still find me commenting in your blog, because I read blogs which I think are worth reading.
As I said I don’t have much time, so I might be late or I might skip a post or two or I might have read it in the google reader and might still be wondering what to comment. Ya, now you do not know which category you fall into, I didn’t read your blog, because I didn’t find it worthwhile or was I busy? Either way you shouldn’t care, I can tell you from experience it is not worth it 😛
I am sure I have made plenty of typos and maybe even a couple of grammatical mistakes(Ya even after using the abc thing). Spellings have never been strongest point, nor grammar, though I always used to well in the grammar part. I prefer poetry. I can write whatever I want and not care about anything, that is why I write in English, its got this thing called poetic licence.
EspnStar is not showing La liga this season, sucks big time. They feel that no one in India is going to watch it. Ya right, they should have at least taken a survey and they would have realized how many of us Barca and Madrid fans , keep awake all might to watch our teams play.
Now I get to watch only Arsenal and Wolfsburg. Yes we(Arsenal) lost two in a row, not to worry we will bounce back(thats what we say every season) . Wolfsburg , well the Bundesliga is tough this season. Bayern are strong, Ribery and Robben together is like a killer combo. Only an Idiot like Madrid will sell Robben, oh! ya I forgot Chealsea.
*Should I stop?*
my driving licence , yup i am going to get it on Friday(hopefully). But for all you know, I might not get it. I have a feeling there is something mocking me. Things look like they are changing for the better, only to make things worse. When it keeps happening, you just leave it, you never care, you take into your stride.
Yes this it. I am stopping right now, I might write another page or two. This should be a journal entry or something, but who cares? And let me close by saying, I will reply to the comments on the pervious post soon.
February 18, 2009 § 28 Comments
Today was my last day in school.It felt strange,it all seemed too well,14 years some how has passed by filled with so many things.Though initially I was feeling nostalgic,reality soon set in,many of us are happy that school life is over.
We all never get to choose our schools ,the choice is made for us.Now having done with it,there are a lot of memories,good and bad.
My father just said it was like yesterday,that he dropped in an Ambassador Car.My face is no more that of a sweet baby ,the beard and moush,make me look old 😛 I suddenly felt like singing in school,”I am not a boy,I am not a man yet ” but then of course,the cameras got in the way.A million photos I guess,a little bit of craziness….
I have always been in the “worse class in the school” and yet been the good boy around 😛 (when they did put me in a good class,I had to entertain myself :P) . I have some bad memories of not having a friend for a couple of years etc.
But then the last two years have been amazing,especially the last year,in the “commerce class” .
The school has thought me a lot of things-how people like to stick to groups and they would this without thinking.And of course,what was thought has had a influence on my core values.
A lot of memories about special people as well.Of course,I would be in touch with all the people I want to,but there are certain people with whom I never got along with..and the special ones, 😉
I do not know what I should be doing,no more do I need to wake and wonder about incomplete homework and plan how I am going to finish it.I was happy course to see the last of the bitchy politics go,I hope I never have to get into any of it again.
I have proved to myself,I can write in English,couple of years back,my English would have been as normal as normal can be,but I guess I have managed to change that.But the best thing I guess is that I no more need to worry about those unnecessary people,I can wave my hands at all of them,like a bride groom on top a horse.
I still can’t figure out how 14 years passed by,it seems different now…well I have my exams in all of 12 days time…
July 23, 2008 § 13 Comments
What is the use? what is the use of this world?
It is always amazing,to know that we the significant micro(maybe even smaller) particles who make up the universe have some purpose and a life to live.Why i live my life,in a regimented way,going to school,supposedly learning things.What will it be like to be in another planet? What will I be,if i were in another planet.Would that planet too have death as we have?What is the big deal anyway of being earthling?
Think of the universe,as it is.I know it is too big to fit into my minuscule three dimensional imagination,but whatever little i can ‘see’,leaves me perplexed ,confused and in a dire need for becoming larger than life itself.Why how can something so big exist in the first place? When i was small,the sun was just ‘nature’ something which i was born into.It was a constant,to the mind which was ready to be tinkered ,it saw what what others thought they saw.The moon Always represented an old lady making ‘idly’.the beach was a place where something called waves lashed on endlessly and if i ventured into it alone,i would be eaten by it.My life was of prime importance to me.Being another heir of the mistake stricken ,unwanted humanity,survival was the instinct.
But as i grew up,i slowly realized,that things are different.In fact education does at least that much to you.You are told that we belong to a solar system and that the moon goes around us.The next time i saw the moon,i looked at it as an entity who was moving around the earth.Now i am digging really deep to feel what i felt then.It is surprising that ‘life’ is so old.What are these memories? So are we a dream,a memory too?
Me writing rather typing,is an memory in more ways than one.Since i am writing i do not care what happens else where around me.Why would i react when i am content,why the moment will always be embedded in me,carved into me,for i am in tune with the reminiscence of the world’s making. Did we go to the heavens because earth never satisfied us? Why when did we realize that we were nothing more that illusive little creatures,who don’t know anything?
On earth everything has the touch of man,as it has of ‘god’.Almost all our fellow creatures,all the flora and fauna which were painted with the magic wand along with us ,have been cut,dissected,bisected,trisected and researched upon. We have arrived at the conclusion that we are the only ones who can think the best.We were after all the once who discovered the existence of God.
Our identity as human beings,has perpetuated from our predecessors.But deep inside all of us know that this is not our absolute identity.When we look at the sky and stare stars and suns ,we feel an old belonging ,the sight of home,after an hiatus to hibernation. Since we are the clever modern super humans in terms of an ever expanding brain and since we know about the big bang and such and such,we run a particle accelerator inside our cramped cavity,reproducing with a eerie contentment,what we feel is the origin of the universe.We revel in it for a few spectacular moments,we run the jocund clowns of happiness in us to such speeds that ecstasy is what we pronounce.We are all happy to be home,we wish to keep seeing our Gods for longer,but the ever severing mind,declares that you have to break the bonds,to live life and produce yourself to sacrifice for the betterment of man.You don’t want it.Who wants to move from home,after a long voyage?Who wants to travel,when travel is all he has done?Who wants to swim,when he has all the while swam?Yet since you are the mind,with a rhetoric puffed up displeasure you try to satisfy your real want with a chronic happiness ,which is at most momentary and small enough to displease the materialistic narcissistic in you and carry on with it.I am trying to write something and all the while i am thinking of the wonderous world,whose width widens my perspective.I am here and i am not.
What is my identity?Am i a lost sibling of a distant star,for whom if i am found,i will look the same as when i landed on Eden? Or have i crossed an Adam’s bridge,to burn all that was bad and mortal? Am i an entity for whom this body was a lease,lent by earth to write off her ever lasting loans?Or am i, simply an animal,a tainted beast,with the curse of thought and want of fantastical fantasies to suit my ill-tempered unbalanced mind?What am i anyway?
Yes,i feel lost.Yes i feel lost here too.Yet i can hear the world,but i can’t see it.I can hear the old song,but my eyes have grown used to this,so that the old song,is a poignant, nostalgic de -javu.i dream up lands,i build my castles.I am a man,a human,who has written tales upon tales with fairies and fun and frolic but i am also the man who writes edifices and breaths the voice of an enigmatic Satan,a suitable tool ,one sprung during my autumn,to sooth the God in me.yet i know,i do not need him,for i was the one who gave god a face,which he can hold high and i was the one who taught him to write,so that he can say what he felt.I lent a being bigger than me,i lent it not one but two identity,i created a juxtapose of the good and the bad,of light and night,of God and Satan,yet i fail at lending myself a single identity.I call myself the third.I am happy to pull the strings of the first too.Yet my fingers move without my knowledge in my sleep,they want home and what they see is that destruction can retrace me,to where i belong.
There is music playing in the background.The song is melodious.It is a classic,it breaths life into the creature,whose identity is his name and his music.Why what caused him to play and create music?Did he realize that if he struck his strings and quietened the world with symphonies ,he might be able to shriek out for his lost sibling?Or did he realize that when he played his music,he could be himself ,free and inheritor of freedom,the absolute transparent being,who could smile away adversity and sleep ugly to beauty? I am listening to his and with gusto summoning my aesthetic consciousness to appreciate his ballades.I try to feel the same joy he felt when his fingers were let lose upon the keys,to key in the codes of his disparity among humanity.But his code was always good,for such is the magic,of the hands who are at home,always,poor pathetic things,they can’t see nor hear,they are slaves whose only wish is to satisfy their master, as they feel that is their duty and destiny.
Movements.The breeze tickles the trees.Those gigantic beings let out giggles.Why among humanity their existence is varied.One day they are paraphrased as the basic need for the survival of humanity’s earth,the next day,they are cut by the very hands,oh! pathetic hands,they are the only ones who want to get us home.
If my hands know my home,then why don’t I?Should i close my eyes,for all eternity,so that the reality has a chance to roll the dice and bring me home to see its son?I wish i could,but i have a mind,who is a ardent appraiser of the rebellious me.I am torn by my hands,physically and by my mind mentally.I ask you both,i think of either home or heaven-hell only when i am felt free,to my peace.They refuse.I shut my eyes.The hands sway the puppets of infinity,they try to hail home closer.The mind eats into me,they ruthlessly try to disrupt the harmony and bleed my namesake into surrender,but they fail ,neither will give up,i am the used,i am the user,i am between myself.I am still wondering about me and my true reality,one thing is for sure,i will lose mortality when i find the reality,let it be soon.Mortality is lost,when sense of reality is found.
May the world be in peace.Home is not far away,the darkest night,is the last of winter,the coldest water is one before the hot.Let the world exist at it should,let every man reach his harbor and let every flight end at home,may the world be in peace,i go to sleep….
July 2, 2008 § 10 Comments
I am what i am.That is it.Do i think too much? Well i don’t know,but if i didn’t think,then i will not be me.It isn’t supposed to be two posts about me,i wasn’t planning this,but then it struck me that i need to clarify a few things.
A lot of you ask me,am i really 16? It is easier to laugh this one out.I wonder why people think i am not 16 .The reason might be that i think differently.Now i wonder why i think differently. The fact that i think differently from the majority of people in my age group is tough to accept.To me,there is nothing strange in asking questions,questioning is life.
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein (1879 – 1955)
Questions,questions and more questions exist in this world.As Einstein says,there is no limit to asking questions.I ask myself why do i question? And the replies i get are infinite,for my mind can think without rest.I try to let my mind think all its want.I like dreams,i like the impossible ,i like fantasies to say the least.
So why should I come back to this so called “reality” of yours? I am pretty comfortable with where I am.If you want come with me and i will show you the way i think,but it isn’t easy for me to accept what you think.I love to watch clouds.I love the silence of night.I love to dream.And most of all ,i love it when my brain and heart churn out answers.it must be the greatest feeling to get answers,but then all answers lead to more questions and so think more.
Look at all the sentences which seem true and question them.
Now i haven’t progressed much here.I am still caught up.I am still trying to think out if i should be writing this.As i said i am very happy in the world i live.When someone says a no to something,i believe it can mean a yes.i believe that i can find solutions to the perennial problems of humanity,for i can think.yet thinking does lead to dead ends.Those are the times when you are left desperate,that is when you press your mind to think harder and you wish and think that you can think that one out.
Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
Voltaire (1694 – 1778)
this is one of the most truest sayings.And so i shall end this with a few questions:
why all this?
why not think?
why a end?
why a beginning?
why a nation?
why big bang?
and here is what i think about everything
SOLUTIONS ARE CREATED BEFORE PROBLEMS
June 30, 2008 § 14 Comments
Do we really need to care? What is the use of caring for others anyway? I mean what do i gain? All i ever get by belonging to society is security.For if i didn’t give a damn to things around me,my existence will not be noticed,even if it is,i will be a door mat for people to leave the dirt on.Not that caring gives you anything better,it only makes people see you as a handkerchief rather a door mat.
So what are you a door mat or a handkerchief?
If you are a door mat,you live life in a ‘why should i care?’ delirium always freaking out and just snubbing people and not giving a thought to the fact that the pathetic creature which is facing you has something called “sense” and that you might be hurting it.Now i cannot call these really door mats,for they are made of expensive things,but they still are door mats.All people do at the sight of these is smile,smile and smile,for they cannot do anything else.For they can’t afford to do anything else,they can’t buy them and walk on them and trash them.Their real door mat identity takes the dirt only when they leave.You see once the brand name goes,there is no difference between a Tommy and a road side Tee.People will swear and tear these door mats,even if they don’t feel it then and there.They will feel the rag and rubbish they have taken,someday when they have their faces against the society,stripped and raw and ready to get rubbished.We have another variety of door mats,the not so lucky door mats.These door mats get away with a few things.They all don’t care alright,but then they aren’t all that expensive.So while a few might admire them and their ‘cool’ attitude,dirty shoes are soon bound to stamp them and flatten them.
Then you have the absolute door mats.These require a little more space.Some washing and drying out in the sun will do them good.They have taken the society’s rubbish.In fact for generations they have been taking rubbish.They aren’t door mats because they chose to be,but because the society made them to be.They are door mats because rubbish gives them life,it gives them food.Who has time to care about others when you don’t have food? Not that i have faced this,but then ,even if i skip as meal (a meal and meal only), i become extremely frustrated and cranky. Now to think they have been hungry for generations,naturally they are not going to care.Why what is electricity to them and what are planes to them? These door mats are not happy at being door mats,but then who can help them? For after all they don’t care,neither for the world nor for themselves.We already have enough door mats don’t we?
Then the handkerchiefs.Ha,so you are one? Now while the door mats just take the dirt,handkerchiefs take a heavier load.They take the mucus,the sweat,the tears,the emotions ,the dirt etc.These things get washed more regularily that is the only difference.They get a larger variety of rubbish from within and outside a person.Why all they decided was that to be more kind and empathize , sympathize , care and love.Now surely they deserve better? But no ,all they get are loads and loads and loads of unwanted things.They are supposed to solve all problems.School students make them into soft balls for playing,people sneeze ,people cough,people sweat and a few just carry them around.these things fill into any shoe.For they are scared they will become door mats.They are happy that they live in the pockets and hands of humanity rather than the foot.They are at a higher level,that is all.They suffer for they care.
So if you are either a door mat or a handkerchief you suffer,for the dirt of humanity.Humans sure do pollute a lot.Both door mats and kerchiefs serve their purpose.Now if ever we are going to make humans pollute less,then the door mats and kerchiefs better stop talking their load of dirt.If they do,humans will have to clean up on their own.Who knows,being a lazy race,they might stop being so dirty and see that dirt is not needed.After all they do believe in ‘perfection’ and dirt never reflects cleanliness and perfection does it? Now when you do stop working all you door mats and kerchiefs what will you do?After all you need to engage yourselves into something right? I have an idea,try maintaining your perfection,make your homes more clean and green and well for your food,now that you don’t need to take dirt,take food-fresh,clean and cooked by mother nature.