realising myself(a short story)
September 2, 2007 § 1 Comment
“what is more than a journey?
from the wake till the end,
before and after all we do is travel.”
And the speech ended.With the throngs of people who had come,he too got up and started to leave.He had traveled to listen to this speech.He had traveled a great distance.Coming had been tough,no A/C cars or A/C trains,he had come by changing three buses.Yes,it was his policy never to step into those,but he wanted to do something for himself.Now that it was over,he took out his mobile and dialed his PA’s number and told him to send a car.
After doing so,he went to the near by beach and started walking towards the waves.
Ha,such beauty why do they keep lashing?They seem to repeating the same thing again and again,but they aren’t the same.Every passing moment the tide changes.The moon is far away,yet it has an influence on the entire globe.The sun is even farther,yet we are so dependent on it.What would happen if either of them,decide to do something different?
The teacher was saying we need to be creative,we need to do something different,we should never be consumed in monotony,yet what will happen,if they decided to obey that law?could the rules be different for us humans from Natural forces?But aren’t we a part of nature too?And everything around us is alive,at least according to the teacher.So what do i follow?
But doesn’t the earth too change every second? The pole towards the sun keeps changing.So isn’t it a combination of both.Isn’t that everything must be changing at any given moment.It doesn’t take a clairvoyant being to see this,it all happening,yet we don’t see it.
What is wrong with us?But if both keep changing,then aren’t they relatively in the same position?I should check it once i get back to the computer.
But still what will be with out the sun and moon,who’s presence we make lesser and lesser off,until a time will come when we will try to see them,only when they are gone.How cynical have we become,this moment all our fore fathers have seen, did they feel the same way? What are these waves trying to tell?are they telling us to save them from the clutches of the moon and the sun? who made it so? What will be without gravity?Are scientific explanations the only source to do trusted?What happened to the inner self?ha,people called themselves the progeny of the sun and the moon,did these two beings up there,inspire people so much.No my thoughts aren’t clear,i can’t see the connection,it seems like the waves i too am pulled by their power.Funny though all these years i have never seen the moon out when the sun is.No i have,when i was small and people made fun,they never bothered to come out and see.How funny.Why doesn’t everyone see the same thing.Why only a few do? Why do certain things strike only a few people? why not everyone? Is it the intellectual difference or is it just that these beings are so powerful that just by their charisma and mesmerizing ability they turn people into their progeny?Is it Progeny? or are we followers,yes i too am struck by their light.Feels strange,for all these years i have neglected all this,and suddenly it seems at last the time has come when the heat is enough to boil.I don’t feel like a follower,nor do i feel like worshiping them,how can i ? But they seem to be talking,everything is.I feel like a old man in a new country,I seem to know their existence but not able to understand their language.I try desperately to communicate,but fail to be clear.Yet though i want to give it up and return to where i belong,it seems impossible,they are drawing me in.It is music ,you enjoy it and you sway to it,even though you don’t know what it means.What are they trying to tell me? now i see that the distant parts of the sea,are darker.It is where thing we don’t see lie.Do i have the courage to brave the sea,rather to break the mental block and do it.I know when i want to do something and when i trust in it,it will happen,can i do it? they seem to beckoning me,to let myself loose and lose myself to them.I have long felt a gap,a gap in me when i am not doing working,when i am not with my friends.I have everything,money,power,yet their seems to be a blank space.i fear that,and have tried to cover it up,by acting busy.But now i can’t hide,for i can’t take my mind of it.It seems these ruthless rulers of the world,are cutting my flesh and stuffing me with messages,of the sands of time and the tides.I know these scars will never go and to repent for all i have done , i will take upon a penance.But what- am i sinner? i have long forgotten the word sin – sinner.No how can you.You are the worlds,you are the master of it.But do i have the right to hurt myself then? am i masochistic? what right do i have to hurt myself? But killing me ,is also destroying myself,that brings to my mind,the image of the snake eating itself.
It eats itself and is reborn.I think i am evolving and at last answering my call.A call which i as nature have to do.I know no one needs to save nature, i have realized that,anyone who takes history seriously will know this ,so there is no need to worry.And now i know how,i am seeing it.It may be man’s nature,or it maybe the will of Nature.But we will do everything,to keep the world at an equilibrium.There is no right or wrong as these celestial gods prove.The sun pulls,so does the moon,they both give light,so do the other stars ,whom i can slowly see in the horizon,i know my light is arriving and it from one of them.The universe is always in a constant proportion and everything in it are me,so i am trying to maintain a proportion within my self.This moment the waves may raise,or the earth my shake,but i know it is all a part of a set plan which i already know.Now the language is less Greek to me, i can slowly understand it,as you do when you live in a place long enough.We need to keep changing,for we are evolving,but it is always nice to revisit and relive as they do,the planets,the sun,the stars,the universe everything does,for you never know what you missed.
Now i know what i will do when i return home, i will take on the mission which i wanted all along,but instead of trying to blow apart everything, i will make the change within what i have first.To move a mountain ,you need to know how to move a rock,and so we should try.Not everyone,will receive all this in good thoughts,but we can never move without friction and the world needs to move,for change is the ultimate and to be it is to be yourself.I have broken the chains which held me,long last and now can see the beauty within everything,I have eaten myself up and have emerged with the strength of a extra meal.There i can hear the horn,i will turn back and start my mission.I know now the light shines the brightest.