just another story
June 24, 2007 § Leave a comment
I felt lonely.
and then she came and took the chair.
i told her i didn’t see her coming.She didn’t reply but simply stared.
What ever had happened in the past few days,all that happened in the past few days,she didn’t show.
It was tough breaking the silence.It seemed to be the only thing we two could agree on.I didn’t know where to begin.I had troubled her a lot-added to her already troubled life.I knew her parents weren’t living together,i also knew how much suffering she must have gone through mentally.But still that isn’t an excuse for not wanting to talk.
Did she think,i was after her or something? hadn’t i made it clear i loved her as a friend and no more?
I still remember messaging after that night at midnight. i simple typed “i love you”.
We had fought when we had met,not over something,but the mere issue of her talking to me.She feared-that people will pass nasty comments about her,Her father might find her and think about it as something wrong or something ,anything i still didn’t understand.I understood her fears,but tried to show her the reality.She put me down saying that i lived in a dream land,in my own world.I didn’t know anything about life.
It was like hitting a hurt in the wall edge.I was left with nostalgia and a feeling of loneliness.Without saying anything i walked away.After a while she and her sister laughed and went away.I was left with a feeling of stupidity and anger-without knowing what to do.IS this all friendship gets?is this all one gets from a person,whom you just a few weeks ago after a year?
I swam harder than ever.I saw how helpless i was in the water, how brutal is the pool of humanity’s emotions.
What state are people reduced to? i went home and calmed myself.I sent the message at midnight.The reply i received was “as what a friend or something else”.i replied as a friend.The reply was don’t worry go to sleep.What do i do?
the next day,when she came online i showed her a poem and also told about what i felt.She told me to leave her alone and that i had sent her head spinning.
Now after all that here we were after countless messages from me.
I couldn’t help feeling sorry-for both her and me.Who’s condition was more pitiable mine or her? i didn’t want to lose her,rather a part of my heart which i had lost to her.It pained to see something which was so close getting separated from me.How can she be so indifferent,i knew it i had been in the same place once,ignoring everything.it is what you do when everything is against you,it is where you reach after countless nights of crying,after losing hope,It was what drove me to become a madman.I know how she must be feeling caught up in the web-not knowing what to do,except to wrigle ,in vain attempts to save yourself.Again i saw a part of my life in her.My struggle.Yet what was happening was unlike mine.She didn’t tell me anything.I figured them out,from her tone and varying style over the phone and what she told.
Pity,our friend was here.Now both of us acted normal.We are human beings and we have grown and learnt to be wise.