Onions please, thank you

So I broke up today- I gave up my domain.

I probably should feel dejected, but we did agree to just try. I was in love, but hey, we weren’t going anywhere. The same old, same old- nobody cared about us really. That was the saddest part. One part of  ’going out‘  is others going “awww…” or whatever, I think. But considering I have never ‘gone out’, I am most probably wrong.

The whole leg and almost died story sells no more. That’s the problem of living in a society which is a slave to Gates. I passed that spot today- the hole is still open. Well time to invite Tiger Woods or wait, Booooo Weekly or Yearning Elfs or whoever to come and play on our roads.

I’m planning to gift a kilo of onion to everyone on new year, after all people like expensive gifts, right? I am extremely bored right now. Went to a slam poetry competition. Fad wonly. What’s with love poetry anyway? Take a hike. There is this Gandalf/ evil twin of Dumbledore/ future Ramdev white granddad who teaches gay studies in some university- he told people to grow up and not be illiterate. Apparently we are to try to emulate a certain Rushdie, is what I surmised. Stupid fellow.

The event on the whole was crappy. Love poem after love poem - depressing. Everyone seems to be in love. Pheromones overload. Am the only one who seems to be stuck with Platonic love?  Think I should move on to Limerence now.

One thing which I love is the way wp.calm makes me write nonsense. I thought, people would read my blog even when I move to self-hosted(and click on ads?) but hey, I was wrong. Guess this whole thing was a mistake. WTH! Who cares, eat an onion.

I am reading Douglas Adams. Genius! he gives me hope- there is a chance for crazy people like me to do something worthwhile and become rich. Rather rich enough. That enough is probably not 42, though(see am making references, bah!).

Kweezzzing, is another nice obsession. You can show off ya! Like big time ya! lol..heheheheahahahaha…whatever. Too many people with weird fake accents.

Everything is boring. Mutual indifference or well at least I’m trying to keep up my part of the bargain. Everything is depressing. Blah! I don’t trust anyone or anything. All liars and hypocrites. I shall add myself to the list- I want to blend in or whatever. This is hopeless really, trying to write.

Whatever…Alium Cepa! yo!

A new beginning

And this transition, metamorphose  is not self-made. There are many to whom I am thankful to- My parents, grand parents, my sister, friends(especially those who are patient enough to listen to me and point out things) and blogging friends. There are some people who are more than a friend.

And when I think back, a few people who are here(in the blogging world), who have inspired me and helped me  are Nita, Keshi, Paul,  Sakhi, Reema, Aarti, Mahak, Shakti, GB, Indyeah, Shiva, DIand  Priya,  among others. I want to thank you all. I learnt things through your blogs and the conversations we have had.

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An awesome few days!!

Victory can do funny things to you. Yes, it wasn’t the Olympics, but it still helped me a lot- much more than even I thought. For once lady luck seemed to have smiled on me. I thank her, thank you miss, where you are, what ever you are upto.

I have never felt this confident. I feel a new belief, I am more than optimistic, I believe in my own ability to believe and have belief in my ability. It doesn’t matter if it was an easy contest, or whatever, but at least I didn’t screw up this time. It feels great to have some luck and actually do something worthwhile.

I should thank my friends for believing in me. Maybe they brought in the luck part. A huge thanks to all- especially Dhruva and AKR. We(my department) won three “culturals” in three days( held by various departments of Loyola) and well one which we won on the final day was specially special- we participated in 4 events, came first 3 and second in 1 and won it. I should mention this fellow called TTV – the fellow won something like 6 or 7 events in two days- damn good. And yes I should thank my seniors as well, for trusting us.

And everything else also seems to be falling in place(except for studies? Ha, well have to start studying again ). It’s been awesome.  That’s what this poem is about(for those follow my poetry blog as well).

Well Lady(luck that’s you) do stick around for a while, can do with your help

From Downloads

Day two- after winning big bucks(no cash though )

MY LIFE,POEMS AND LIVING

I am feeling extremely stupid right now.If you are wondering why,it is because i don’t why i feel stupid.No i know it doesn’t make sense,but what am i doing anyway? Living ,might be an answer.But what is the big deal about living? i am Living,alright,so why should i bother about it? What is life anyway?This is what wiki says
“Life is a condition that distinguishes organisms from non-living objects, such as non-life, and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism and reproduction”. Wow,so basically i too am a machine,programmed by something else.No i cannot accept this.Why should be what someone else wants me to be?I am an plagiarist then,writing what someone else has already done,including this.

I am still awe of the world.I just cannot stop being overwhelmed by how huge it is.I want to go out of earth and see it,Pictures aren’t enough.I want to see it with my own eyes.It is not that i don’t believe that earth exists and that it is as the pictures show it,but i want to see it for real.Having lived all my life inside something,i want to go higher.Yet can i ever become bigger than life? i hate being a hypocrite,so i will tell the truth,i still don’t know much about the world.Yes,i write a lot about the world,but i do not know from where it all comes.I feel very uncomfortable calling myself a poet,for i am a tool,yes a mere tool of something that has created me.I badly want to know the real me.What am i really like? What is it that makes a lot of people not like me?

Is it that a tool,is a mere tool and that a few see the beauty and a few the use of it? What is beauty anyway? Starting every sentence with capitals,drawing the eye at the last? Starting from a lower pitch? Who can define beauty? Wiki says ” Beauty is a characteristic of a person, place, object or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning or satisfaction. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics, sociology, social psychology and culture. As a cultural creation, beauty has been extremely commercialized.”

There are times i hate what i write.Yet if i hadn’t started writing,i doubt if i will be living.Writing has meant more for me.It doesn’t matter,that when i write i am not in control of myself,nothing matters to me,especially when i am writing something long.It is when i write that i feel a perennial peace within me.It is when i write,that i feel some purpose for my living.It is when i write,that
the world i live in seems real.Otherwise nothing seems real to me.I still feel like a five year old about my world.I am more matured in accepting a few things and not reacting to insults.

Blogging means a lot to me.As i said before,if not for writing i don’t know what i will be.And i have been to share my feelings ,here openly.I have met a lot of great people.I have met people,who have given me the courage to do things my way.though i still find it difficult to come in terms with life and humans as such,i am able to appreciate,people for what they are.

I have written about 175 poems till now.Each one is different and same in a lot of ways.i do not know,how good a writer i am.I cannot judge,something which comes to the world through me,i have to accept it ,for whatever it is.But i think i am not that good a writer,for i have tried to get my poems published,but all my applications have been turned down.But that doesn’t matter,for if not today,someday.Might be after i die,it might get recogonised.

I should thank the whole world,for its contribution,in helping me realize,what is inside me.i still remember,sitting in class,feeling depressed,in a corner.And then suddenly it came to me,from where i do not know.I wrote my first major poem- MOTHER INDIA.After that came THE SEA.These poems,till today are my favorite.They were my eye opener,in lot of ways.They took away the feeling of uselessness from me.i no more felt like i was useless.They gave me a confidence.And till today that is what keeps me going.

I thank you all,you are all the forces which still teach me.You all are the people who help me keep going.I thank all of you.