“Things look bright and the future looks great. Happy end of the world.”

As December 21, 2012, the day the world is supposed to end approaches, hell is getting prepared to welcome humans. “We expect at least a million percent increase,” says a source who is in-charge of attendance. “At present we have 10 gates for issuing id. cards to the inmates when they enter, but come twenty-first we will be opening at least a couple of million more. The photo of the inmate is taken and using an infernal-red tech. which scans the inmate continuously throughout their stay, we track changes in physical appearance. This is much like a Job card only much more simpler.”

“Yes, people do change. And hell inspires changes. The big boss wanted this to reform people, before putting them on the belt.” says a whipper, who to keep his identity secret, wears a horse mask. “The humans relate to it. That makes our job so much easier. It started out as a prank really, but it works awesome. Once we whip them, we send them over to the pre-heat.”

The CTO  and executive Vice-President of hell, Angel McGreedy, says that the challenge was in expanding. “Heaven is expanding as well. And the land prices have gone through the roof. The government had to interfere and acquire the land and give it to us. Landowners have been issued bonds which they can redeem in cash or kind at six months from now. We expect to generate enough cash flow by then, given the number of inmates coming in. The government has also promised us extra subsidiary against sales, especially exports.”

Hell currently has a manufacturing cycle of three months. But a real issue would be the excess of humans coming in. “Look we have no control over the input. At times it is low, at times it is high- the main difference is in storage and maintenance which would increase drastically. But with the end of the world, the demand will also increase many folds. Also, we will be coming out with a new premium product, much more sophisticated, much more to the gods tastes. In fact, even customization is possible. This should increase the revenue as well. We have built special warehouses to house the extra input. “

“The additional plant near Vykunt began operating a year ago. We acquired Softpoke and with their technology, it is now possible to reduce the time to produce these premium products.” During the previous end of the world, or pralaya, hell had major power shortage, leading to only two premium products being available  at the time of recreation. “That was hell. We had to face a lot of legal cases as well. In the end we settled it out of court, with special offers during the next recreation(now).”

“We were small, very small in fact. Our labourers went on strike asking for retirement benefits. Admittedly we didn’t handle it well either. But the power shortage didn’t help. Our kilns couldn’t function properly. It is necessary to keep the inferno at the right temperature. Humans are a delicate and expensive material. It takes skill and craft to make them properly.”

Another major worry that the input will be of a very low standard. Currently, Humans who don’t meet hell’s standards are discarded and sold as scrap. “Yes, that is a major worry. We hope a part of the increase will be met by higher demand for the scrap. In fact, we wouldn’t even call it scrap, we could call it a by-product. The Rats Hell Inc especially wants more humans. Another opportunity we are looking at is soul-merger technology. It is still in its infancy, but it could be worth a shot. It would increase the quality of our products.”

One major change this time around would be that there will be no Rebirth Humans Inc around. The company had to shutdown its factories as the demand for their product fell. But Humans Hell Inc is looking at the possibility of acquiring them. “Yes, that is something we are looking at. That technology would help us a lot. At present our reformation process takes over a month long. But with the rebirth technology it would help us bring down the time to about a couple of days.”

As Earth prepares for impending doom, Humans Hell Inc. looks to out perform all competitors. “We already have a few orders coming in- both from home and abroad. We expect orders to pick up after end of the world. Currently, buyers are cautious, keeping their options open. But we are confident. Things look bright and the future looks great. Happy end of the world.”

 

NO DEADLINE FOR LOVE by MANASI VAIDYA(book review)

NO DEADLINES FOR LOVE by MANASI VAIDYA

Quick, exciting and entertaining.

I was rather shocked when an all pink book(at least on the outside)  stared at me when I peeled the packing. Certain parts of my brain were screaming that this didn’t look good. But putting aside my prejudices about ‘chick lits’, I dared to go beyond and  I certainly wasn’t disappointed.

The book is sensible, focused and well written. The book moves pretty fast and there is no lull! I quite like the way the author has managed to blend in the predicament faced by the protagonist even while she keeps at what she is doing. I like the fact that there is no attempt to try to challenge my senses in an obvious book- a well written story is worth reading, even if you already know it.

Megha comes out as a strong character. My only grouse is that she doesn’t seem to learn to control her temper- even towards the end.  Megha though does realize what she really wants to do and along the way, falls in love.

Lots of fireworks and at no place do you find that the book is heading aimlessly- the author knows her ending and works towards that with ease and thrill. A ‘Metro Read’ I guess, is something you pick up for a train journey and one certainly expects excitement and action- the book gives you that.

Fast paced and entertaining, the book is worth a read, especially if you are a fan of the genre.

Rating:- 6/10

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 6!(spoof)

read part 5 here.

 

And the computer crashed! The king got irritated and was about to blow up,but something struck him!He looked beyond that which is seen-The OS was vista and yes it lived up to its name! If you want something search it out! Such divine revelation! Maybe that is why he opened the gates and ran out and made lots of bills! Ha and so the king set about preparing the trip.

But before any packing,he needed to eat.He took out his mobile and called the wonderful home minsiter.The minister barked into the phone,

” And yes we are facing problems! But law wasn’t written in a day! It took more than two years to write,word by word,issue by issue,problem by problem! Just read the fine print! You guys missed out the star! -Conditions apply!”

The king took in a couple of deep breaths and in a icy voice replied,

“My fine sir! If only life can be made fair,by using a fairness cream! Now this is your king here.I do appreciate your preparations for the world human rights day summit,but if you want to hold on to your stars,better get into that ferrari of yours and be here and if you don’t I will have that head of yours and that branded spectacles chopped like interest rates!” 

And the minister in a mocking tone replied,

” Oh! Sire,but pardon me! I shall be there! I was preparing for the call in programme, evidently they want human rights unplugged! In fact they are giving world leaders free calls! Its about tigers you see and men with beards,you see! I shall be there!” 

And the phone went dead.Ha but the king forgot to tell him to bring him food! He dialed again-

“All lines are currently busy,please dial later!” 

“Oh! by my great thondi!” The thondiraja blew,”what is this! “

And the power went out.Even as the generators were switched on,the king’s face turned white! But just as a major explotion was about to take place as if someone was testing nuclear weapons under the bed of a ill leader,the home minister ran home!The pace at which he did run,was amazing!If the olympic sprinters were to run without steriods then this would be it!

The miniter went on his knees and apologised! There can be no doubt,this was true culture! This cooled the king,like a beer from a bar in Mad-lur! 

“Chiao! Cheeks ! Thats polite ! I am pleased,but now get up,If you want to get married,go to Mad-lur or Bad-lur and sit in a park on fourteenth of this month with a girl! Cheap and easy! the media will also be there! I will gift you a saffron colour ice cream!  My such social service! And oh! Remember to wear the Levi jeans and the miss…who ever it is,that pink,Venus’ short shirts! “

beliwered the minister answered

” But I am already a married man! “

” Then get up and get me something to eat! I shall be going for a hike! So I will not be here for a while! Now remember to check the date on all invitations for thondi idol! Oh! And please avoid bad translation! I don’t want people to think this is any other show! IT IS THE IDOL show! Why even Jackson wants to take part! Too bad he isn’t a citizen of Thondi! And don’t forget to forget sending an invitation to Himesh! Let him stay there and sing for the queen! And remember to create some problem or the other everyday or I will be penalized by the news channels and remember to check that the proper diet is served for the children of thondi! “

And the king took a breath but before he could resume,the minister ran, now more like a sprinter on steriods to fetch the food! He had never heard the king so unhumourous! If only it was the economy ,he could bail it out!

The king now left alone,he tried to on the comp,he pressed and pressed it,nothing happened….until in rage he kicked it,with the Ronaldo technique! And boom! He was suddenly in the Sambar world! But at a different place…Now wait a minute it seemed to make some sense..

 

“SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

But his voice,he was no sage with a mouth in his foot! He didn’t SMS anyone did he, he took out his mobile again and to his surprise he found that he had a message in his inbox,

“This V day free massage for you and your other half at 50% discount! Hurry limited offer!”

“Ha pity, will this lead to him finding his better half! Ha this Sambar,it is crazy! Like a croc in a T.V. ad   ! Now he needed to find a blot. But he realzied that million dollar pens don’t blot nor does anyone in the state of Thondi own a decent leaky parker! The poorest man was..poor? That was never heard of in thondi,where will he get this pen!”

He thought and began to take a stroll…His sudddenly turned around and saw a dog following him.No this was not  a gift from his mobile network to follow him everywhere! This was no  voota-phone(voota -borken) ,something caught his attention,he started closing in on the dog.The Dog seeing such a huge figure coming close to it,turned and began to run!

The great big fat,Raja Raja Raja Thondiraja ran.It was a sight to behold,a mark in history! Something which obese children will read in the future and get inspired by,he started spriting like Captain VJkanth ,this was what the doctor..er…sage ordered for..

An award and A question

Nita has given me the garland award putting a garland around a persons neck,is considered a way of giving respect. If you watch travel channels’ shows,you will see people being welcome that way.

Leaders usually are given garlands,but you don’t hang a garland on the photo of a person who is alive.Tamil cinemas are known to show couples getting married in registrar’s office,by exchanging garlands and than the signatures.Of course,you can also aquire a garland by putting Rs.200 at least on the temple priests’ “plate”.

She say’s she gave me(and two others ) because 

 

To me these blogs are like garlands, not just attractive, but also those which give off very positive vibes. 

So now I get put this virtual garland on various bloggers.Now this is tough,anyway the garland goes to:-

-Amit(He would make a good politician,if his oratory skills are as good as his posts).

-Reema(Nita also has given her this but still,I like the way she keeps it simple..hmm…Reemavathi(?) )

-Gounder Brownie(Thalaivi! [head lady or leader!],even if she writes rubbish ,I can’t stop reading her posts.)

-Vimal(You better post a song along with this award Hopefully he will win the thondi Idol)

-Rambodoc (A doc,who will do a good job as the health minister.)

-Prerna ( Another person who will make a very good politician.)

-Solilo ( this award will add some good vibes,below the  say no to criminals in politician banner  ) 

So those are the seven.Please pass it on (yes GB,it means you ) before the flower starts to witter.

Now to another thing which I noticed , about the forgetful(amnesia) incident,all the blogs went on and on about it.I normally would have written about the thing,but decided not to,till now.

So before I go anywhere,as close as writting a post about it,I want a clarification,

  what you think really is Indian culture? 

Sambar magic(the tale of thondiraja)-part 5!(spoof)

Read part 4 here.

 

All the while no one noticed where the man with the beard had disappeared. But like the character he used to play,he appeared at the most inappropriate time, just like the police does in movies,just like celebrities make comments, just like CEOs who are on a holiday now. 

The king was stratled by the man’s arrival.

“My, what timing! Can’t you ever take a coach out of our Railways? “

“OH! Thondi raja,but it is time to warn you! Everything comes at a price! Oh! wise king, importing Ferrari means you have to pay duties, owing a billion dollar company means,you have to pay bribes; To kick people into the Bay of Thondi,you need to buy pink boots and to read fruity you need a blog! ,the Sambar Magic has a side effect!”

“Side effect? What oh! is this a wonder drug,used by Olympic sprinters? Or is this the beer served at Amnesia,Manglore? “

“Neither.You will not be caught in any test or in camera,but you are safe as you have this wonder lady beside you!”

“What is it then,save me time will you? Just because dams are full doesn’t mean you can waste ! “

“Debatable,purly debatable! But well  I will save you time,as I have to go and lead a protest,you shall become a monster for a few hours! And at that time you need to be under control,other wise,well didn’t I tell you Bush used it?”

“Oh! BY my thondi,why didn’t you tell me earlier? When will this be? When Roadies runs on MTV? Or when I read Indian Homemaker? 

“Hmm..it will happen,whenever,the earth is at a particular place when it is spinning.You will need a special watch, for which you will have to travel through the Sambar world and find a sage,with a transparent beard and listen to the longest Soliloquy by him.

“You have sometime though,I just recieved the time for the next phase of sambar monster madness. It is actually a puzzle,it reads,

” SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

“

“Waa,waa! Thats a wonderful sage! I need to find him,Ha my fine man,it is dark,let me begin tomorrow.”

“Ha my king,here have the message ,you will need it.Contact me through my twitter,I just added you.Bye!

“Zookie ZA!”

 

And the sage disappeared.he turned to the lady.

“You need me to drop you home,my fine lady? Shall I summon my Hummer?”

“Oh! king,not to worry,Thondi is the safest place!You have done a wonderful job in admin! People are all scared that they would have to face your wrath,if they commit a crime! I can drink and I can dance and no one shall dare come near me! Anyway bye!

“Zookie Za!”

“Wait!OMG! whats with these people!They…wait a second,she too is from the Sambar world! My guess this is the real second life! I should learn it!! Oh! wind!Oh! sea..na I am supposed to be clever right? Let me see..

“Which blogger is the best..no tough question…what is my fav car? Tough question…which is better Orkut or Facebook? Facebook,easy question..Something tougher..”

And so the king was left all alone,in the dark dark world.He tries to test his newly acquired intellegence like a F1 driver tests his car.And as the wii hours came about,he decided to walk to the palace and then play in his PS3.

He then remembers about the message,he took out the message and read it.

 ”SMSes are short,

MNS is a blot,

Businesses are caught,

Seats are bought,

Time for a simple thought,

You voice shall play a part,

But better think twice,before you tie the knot.”

 ”Ha such delicate rime! I need to meet the transparent sage! But all these references to …wah! Eureka! I got it,I got it!”

And the king started spriting.Now being fat doesn’t help,so after the first few steps,he stops and starts panting,he takes out his mobile,tries to start google,but fails.

“Oh! Great ancestors,how can I maintain my Thondi and search in the world of Sambar? “

And the sambar magic took effect again,from no where appeared a supervech-Jet log m,small ,petite and at the same time strong,all the way from Japan!

The got on to it! It had a code written on it and he spake the word into the holy microphone on it! And  by the time ,his thondi infalted and defalted for a gasp,he was inside his chamber.

He ran on to the comp.The internet on his phone had given him problems,he told him self it was time to get 3G ;He first checked his blog hits,than his orkut slaps(And he promptly sent Bush a Boot) and then his Yahoo! Mail and he then landed up in google.He typed..

“The Light Shines the Brightest ” And hit enter..

An award

Well Apar has given me this award( 8) ) . The rules of this tag are(Copied from her blog):-

• Display the Award in your page – √
• Award them to your favourite commentators – √
• Ask them to forward it to their favourite commentators ( oh yeah those awarded below…please do pass it forward!!  ) …so √
• And don’t forget to link their page to their names – √

  So this is the award which I have been waiting for a long We all write here,so that others would comment on them. And there are those people,whose comments you wait for,before thinking of the next post,so here goes:-

-Reema(whether is a “phew!” or pointing out mistakes,she always comments ) 

-Raj(from simple to long comments,his comments always make me smile or introspect on the elements of my posts. )

-Nita(LOL,I always pass on awards to you{can’t help it} as she wrote in her blogs long ago,she comments only on posts which she has to say something about,so when she comments,I do know,that I wrote something which gave her something to comment on(:-?)  )

-Paul( Its been a long time.He cannot comment as often as others,but his comments whenever he comment make me think.)

-Destination Infinity( Again a person whose comments make me think.)

-Pria ( on of the oldest reader’s of my blog,she writes well too).

So thats six from the blogging world.I would also like to give this to Jay Leno( I like the first part’s of his show where he makes fun( ) of the news makers and well a few interviews as well(if I know the person who is being interviewed).

-Andy Gray(A football commentator at SkySports.I love the way he does his job).

-Barack Obama( no I don’t read the blog,but more for the few speeches of his,I have heard). 

Congrats everyone

 

P.S : I haven’t replied to the comments on the previous post,will do it soon

An award and best of 2008

Seems like I am stuck in ’08.But after all,it was the year when I moved to wordpress and started YU! .Before I start seeing towards the top left corner,I got another award  

This one is from Hiphopgmom.

Google translator tells me that it means , ” darts award”.I haven’t played darts in a long time,anyway,I pass this on to,

Chirag:-He uses a lot of bullets in his posts  

Destination Infinity- You can pass this on to infinite people  

Lakshmi:-She darts around the country,taking photos and finding out about places.

Kapil:- His blog is called Whispering Shadows And  it has turned two,my birthday gift  

Leafless:- Another blog which not many people are aware of.Poetry and arts

So now that the awards ceremony is over and you all have applauded ,it is time to find the best of 2008.I mean the best of my poems.

So here is the link to all my poems ,which is your favorite?

And yes also pick your fav cartoon from here and your fav sketch(if you liked any of them) from the page my skecthes 1-5.  

Or if you didn’t like any of the posts from the above catogories,tell me which was your favorite  

Thanks for helping me do this,I shall add a new page called best of ’08 (if all of you take part in it).

Make this better for all

No more can one laugh
at the thought of wrath-
except those who have seen
or those who are innately mean.
And such people maybe few,
but their ways are like flu
spreading their voluptuous
chaste and magnanimous hate.
And those live and have lived
and for ever will,
unless and until
we find a way to keep them still.

And they have hurt and burnt
those who thought and learned
and then they try to anoint
by chanting a sorry,
as if that alone can take away
the misery and make the world free.

Yet,the brains have never died
and never shall.For there is no farewell
for those who dare to say there is no hell.
this is not a thank giving
as it was and is their purpose of existing.
Yet what do the rest,
the ones, whom rust,
takes over more than lust,
do,but burn and blow
as if it were a fireworks show.

We do not believe in the stake
nor in killing with hate,
so what do we do?To change this fate,
before time runs and it becomes too late?
“For fire,fire” said the bard once
but will it end menace?
Whose brains it that is washed
and who faces the aftermath of the shock?
Instead of day after day,giving sermons and talks
let us think and try to come up with thoughts
that will make this better for all.

P.S: for those who don’t know,who the bard is ,it is Shakespeare.

what is the truth?

We all keep discovering things.Humanity has been propelled forward by the great discoveries and inventions.true enough.Yet there are so many people who say that it is man’s mistake that everything around us either dead or dieing.True we have caused everything to decay progressively,but then isn’t that man’s nature?
If we weren’t supposed to do all that,then why did we discover it? For so many things we say it is destiny ,fate etc,but why not for this?We are part of nature too aren’t we? We are nature aren’t we?Then what ever is happening is natural and aren’t we supposed to be letting it happen?Does being slightly more “sensible” mean that we should stop what nature has told us to do?I.e. destroy everything?So why fight over saving things which we ourselves have been so happily destroying?

Maybe earth will import something after we die.It might start life all over again.And well we have realized it.So it the fact that we relaized that we are killing ourselves slowly ,the reason,we started all the “nature” talks and things?Are we all doing all this,for the sake of ourselves in fear?

Just see around you.If you see,you will find everything is perfect.The air is filled with pollution,the ground around your house is cemented ,the road is tarred and the climate is changing as fast as the sun rises.So why should we bother about the green old days? We all are anyway going to die,so why not make it faster?Why not choke in your fire,than you neighbors?

Well the only reason why i think we are into this saving thing is because we discovered that too i guess,or maybe we just ran out of ideas and things to discover.One of these days,we will come up a perfect plan to save it all.Yup,it will be the idea of the century.The T.V shall have interviews by the genius of the age,the newspapers will have yards of columns written about the wonderful new thing.And once that is done,we all will think about what is next.Someone then will decide that we need more fun and start blowing someone else apart and finally we all will anyway end up fried.So what is the use of this saving thing anyway? The future gen.? Next Gen.Saving the planet for our future?On one side everyone talks about population explosion on the other about the next gen.Am I losing something.Who has got the right to decide who can make the future?Aren’t all that we have found out till now insignificant,considering the fact,that we still haven’t found a way to keep living forever?What is the use anyway? the only reason i can think of for all this is entertainment.We all are bored and need a reason to live.Simple.

Well i like the idea of saving.All those super heroes are cool,but those who go around saving things are cooler,sounds nice doesn’t it ?So what do i want to save anyway?

The one thing i truly want to save is the truth.I think that is the only thing worth saving.But what is the truth?i have asked a lot of questions in this post,but then this is the question i want you all to answer,what is the truth?

Photoshopping ya!

Lol,this is the first time i am using photoshop What do you think,not bad for a beginner ? lol And ya the Buddha was my first ever photo with my mobile cam(ya ya i have already mentioned that,but blah blah i am feeling very happy ,so nothing else matters    )